Getting Rid Of The Boxes

Instead of thinking outside the box, get rid of the box. ~Deepak Chopra


Do you ever feel confined? Limited? At times I do, I feel trapped inside a box, only to realize I allowed it to happen. Since 9 years old I have had this saintly image. I remember playing "house" at a friend's home when I was about 9 years old. Of course all the girls were the moms and the boys were the dad. Well, I don't remember much, but I do remember me and my "boyfriend" rubbing up against each other. In the hood we called it "humping", too funny. Of course our clothes were on so no harm was done, but the sexual intentions were clear. My twin sister and I were popular kids and always well liked. Grateful for that. So of course my hump buddy would look cool if he went out and told everyone what happened. It took little to no time to get back to me. I heard "Leleroy (yes, that is his name, pronounced Leh-leroy) said he popped your cherry". I had no clue what that meant, but I knew it was not good for my image! So when asked was it true I immediately said NO! Of course I lied, but I had to protect my saint-like image. And guess who they believed? Me, the saint!

At 34, I still war with the saint vs. the sinner within. As my relationship with Christ grows, I judge myself unmercifully, expecting to live up to unattainable standards. Understanding I have the power to create the life I want, I take responsibility for what I project to the world. The Lord revealed to me that the limits that I felt were put on me by the world, I actually placed on myself. Yes, take it in! See, we play the victim and get upset when we are seen only one dimensional . What we all must understand is that if we are the creators of what we want, we are also the creators of its opposite. Every day you make a choice as what direction your life will go in good or bad. As creators, it is our energy and what we are sending into the universe. What we feel directly affects our reality. If I feel like no one likes me, that it is now my reality! I wasted so many years putting my energy into what I don't want instead of what I do. If it is not creating the reality I want, I will not give it any energy!! Stop wasting your energy, be in constant state of awareness. Being aware of what limits you are placing on your life.


Watching Mary Mary's new TV show stirred emotions inside of me. Erica decided to have pole workout lessons for her girls retreat while her sister Tina feared criticism from the public. Tina's fear was if the general public saw the gospel group Mary Mary on a "stripper" pole they would appear to be unfit Christians. Although I am not in a platinum selling gospel group, as a Christian the fear is real about judgment from others. What GOD has allowed me to understand is that it's okay to be a complex person. I do not have to live inside a safe simple box that gives others comfort to control who I AM. My inner vixen and inner saint can reside within me without comprise one for the other. I like Erica had to say I can be Christian and sensual. Instead of me judging myself or other women without mercy, I now show the same grace I ask for.

We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. Understanding this principle I have begun to create the inner life I long for. I am creating a life that will align me with the Holy Spirit every day. Whatever I need to learn I pray that the Holy Spirit will show me. Creating for me means actively participating in a life that you envision and doing what is in your power to make it happen. I learned that in order to stop allowing others to put me in a box I had to stop doing it to myself. I understand whatever I want people to see, I have the power to make that my reality. One day at a time stripping back the layers of low self-esteem, people pleasing, guilt, and feeling of alienation. Tapping into the LOVE source I recognize the divine goddess within. I no longer suppress my sexual desires. Although I am a virgin, I find creative ways to release sexual energy. Law of Attraction draws to us the very thing we feel, think and do. If you do not like the life you're in right now, start a new! It's your life, create it as you feel led. Know that the way people see you is how you projected your image to the world. No one is a 24/7 saint, scholar, activist, painter, educator or whatever other label we identify with to give our ego comfort. We are human beings trying to figure this thing called life out.