Music Mondays: Luther Vandross - Anyone Who Had a Heart.

“Anyone who had a heart/ Would take me in her arms/ And love me too”. I heard those lyrics when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I found an old tape that my Grandparents owned and I was going to put paper inside the wholes at the top and record over it. Y’all remember recording over your parents tapes? I am still paying them back for it. Well, I pushed play and I heard a sweet voice; it was Luther Vandross! It was love at first sound. What touched me as a child were love songs, lyrics of love, pain, longing, yearning, and joy. What I now understand is that is the heart of a romantic. Romantic or The Lover, I was too young to understand this pull on my subconscious, but there I was listening to this sad love song. It reminded me of my personal life. How could my parents say they love me and leave? “You couldn’t really have a heart and hurt me like you hurt me and be so untrue”, as Lutha says. So the longing began. The need to be recused and fantasy flooded my mind of a better day and the perfect love. Love songs allowed me to escape a deeply emotional, scared, sad, and abandoned childhood. Of course I had wonderful Grandparents who raised me and I wouldn’t change my life experience for the world. But that’s not what this is about. This is the truth. My love story, not censored. My love story is a story about pain and redemption; to be whole, broken, and whole again.

To understand the life of the romantic you have to first go into their childhood. You have to look at the lover’s first heart break, the feeling of loss and despair. How could someone who loves love be so sad? It’s the complexity of the romantic. But also a beautiful reflection of life itself! To fully love life we have to learn to embrace both good and bad. To be fulfilled as human beings we must see our dark/shadow and light within ourselves. Being able to accept this paradox is what makes us whole!

When you listen to “Anyone Who Has a Heart” you enter the life of a true romantic. “Knowing I love you so” Luther sings. To still love and commit to a relationship that is damaging to your soul. To be able to let go, a constant struggle for the romantic! The hurt and abandoned that sums up the lyrics at the end of the song, “No one is going to make you feel the way I do”. My goodness… Below is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite singers. Enjoy!

Next Level Love

Find the Spirituality in love again was a life mission I began two years ago. I have a love for learning, so I was eager to figure what that meant. I was surprised at the path it would take me. The journey to love took me on a quest of seeing love as more than one dimensional. My view about love in the past had much to do with how I received it. You know, if someone is nice to me then I am nice to them. Now if someone is mean to me, I am going to be mean X’s ten! Love has taught me if I got everything I deserved; I would be in bad shape. But by grace and mercy I am healed, so why not give that same love to others? Regardless of how they treat me first, I love because it’s who I AM! It’s not about dishonoring yourself for others. It simply means I strive to no longer be petty! That’s that next level type love.

What I am learning is that love is bigger than man and women. We connect to love by being one with the Universe. When we release negative energy and begin to truly live out the scriptures in 1 Corinthians:13, our whole world opens up. With an instant shift we can change 100 years of karma by simply asking for forgiveness and deciding to put positive energy into the Universe. By one positive thought is a ripple effect, like waves in an ocean. The more love you put out in the world, it comes back to you. This my friends is how I began to find the Spirituality to love. My transformation started off very simple. I gave hugs to people as we said hello, I smiled not worrying about if it would get returned, and I ate lunch outside to bond with nature and made peace with myself. I wrote. I did mediation practices by writing what my soul craved, what is my purpose, my plan and how the world is all connected to this. I finally got it. You and I are not separate. We are one and the same. And seeing the love and beauty in all things is how I began to heal. I stopped placing conditions on myself feeling I am only lovable when I lose 20 pounds. Looking at flowers I feel love. Feeling the waves of the ocean against my feet gave my soul such a rush! I began to take the time to pause in the evening to watch the sunset. Watching the rain, allowing water to sooth me like a nurturing mother. I feel connected, I feel loved, and I feel I am okay as I am. What I believed I have benefited most by this change is my relationships with the people the closet to me. My connections with my family and friends has taken me to new levels and given me what I need. The love I have now has healed me.

Being born to a mother who decided at an early age parenting would not work for her; my grandmother (and grandfather) stepped in and raised me. My mom would come in and out of my life. The pain of not feeling lovable was very real for me, not having my mother in my life caused years of disconnect. One day I found myself in a counselors chair crying about how it hurts not having my mom in my life. But at this time I had out grown just about everyone in my circle. I was alone. I was scared. I was depressed. I told my counselor I have outgrown my friends, I am 23 and need friends who care more about finishing a personal goal than the latest hand bag. She said to me, “Your life is like a ladder, the step behind you is where your old friends are. Where you are now is that space in the middle, trying to find out who you are. And when you get to the next step your new friends will be there waiting for you”. Jesus, what a lesson I learned in that moment. My life now is confirmation of that next level.

The love that has healed me the most is the love I have received from women. See God gives us what we need. My grandmother teaches me what it means to love unconditionally. Not only did she raise me when her daughter chose not to, but she continues to treat me as her little girl at 35! The bond I have with my twin sister is the strongest of anything I know. She showed me the beauty in individuality. The amazing time I had with the women on my trip to Jamaica last weekend for my girlfriend’s wedding made me reflect on this. I strengthen the relationships with the women I already knew and developed bonds with women I met for the first time. Non stop laughing, dancing, drinking, eating, swimming and we even shed a tear or two. In that moment everything was clear. I knew I had arrived and I liked my reflection I saw in the mirror. The love I craved since birth I have it now. I am a girl’s girl, being around women gives me my soft place to fall and when needed tough love. When I feel lonely, tired of being single and need to vent I have a circle of women who will be there for me. At this next level of love I feel I can only climb higher from here!

Masculine Power

Years ago I went on a date with a guy who I knew from high school. On our date he sat down next to me and placed his head in my chest near the square of my shoulder. The gesture made me uncomfortable because I realized the type of man I was dealing with. An emotionally needy one! There was no emotional connection between us and actually our very first date. To say his gesture turned me off would be an understatement.

On the ride home I heard about issues with all the women in his life including his ex-wife the mother of his children. When we arrived at my house I explained that I needed a leader, a man who balances me out, and who is not afraid to stand up to anyone he felt he needed to address. I further explained I sensed his need for my motherly LOVE but what he sought from me he had to fulfill within himself. His reply was no one had ever talked to him about balance and his needed inner strength. By him being raised by his mom he went on to say no one taught him how to be a man. My heart went out to him, but as I explained he is not the man my soul craves.

My inner need is for a masculine A-type male. There is nothing more attractive to me than a man who is comfortable being a man. Being a strong woman I would naturally respond to an A-type male because he would be the answer to my longing to be understood and supported. There would be no power struggles because he would have my respect. I need to feel protected and that he has everything under control. It would relieve me from the stress of always being the one who has to call the shots and get things done!

As soon as I am in the presence of a masculine man I swoon. You know the type of man who has no problem walking up to a woman and saying hello! A man with masculine power talks to his mom or baby mothers about any issues he has so there is no drama. My type of man! It is more than being confident; it is a quiet knowing I am fine as I am. The balance of feminine energy is the knowing and understanding of self. The feminine energy makes him want to solve more problems than create them. He is not threatened by the hug of a man or a child! A wise masculine man works towards balance.

According to Deepak Chopra in his book "Spiritual Strategies for Healing: The Path to LOVE" we ought to seek a partner who has the strengths we have not our weakness. We have been trained that finding the balance within a partnership has to be with someone who can give what we lack. Truth is when we view things from spirit we lack nothing! The danger then becomes a codependent relationship feeling that we are not whole without our mates. Deepak warns that the more dominate partner will cause the weaker partner to shrink. The desires of the weaker partner will no longer be realized and will cause resentment in the relationship, which is not healthy! If you have a high masculine in your personality like me you would want to seek that in a mate. A highly feminine male would have a balanced partnership with a woman who is highly feminine as well. Think Kanye West and Amber Rose. You may or may not agree with their partnership, but they bonded due to their respect for the fashion world. Kanye said he is not a car man, he rather spend money on clothes.

"To be aware of inner need is healthy, to deny inner need is unhealthy" by Deekpak Chopra. Due to societal pressures we find ourselves suppressing our inner desire to be accepted and not criticized. Needing a masculine partner I have been criticized for not being open to date nice guys. I have no issues with nice guys; I just need him to have a balance of toughness too! I finally understand what I need; every man will not have that! I am not asking the universe for every man, but one man GOD has for me! I need a leader, a protector and a provider. I need a warrior, a man who stands up for what he believes in. Am I the only one? A question: Ladies do you find yourself drawn too more masculine men? Also, men what do you think of masculine power?