TRUTH HURTS

“Why men great till they gotta be great”~Lizzo

Lizzo is a big deal to me for multiple reasons.  She is a plus sized woman comfortable in her skin and promoting self love!  But she also has boy problems and writes about them.  If there is anything I can relate to in this whole wide world is that I problems with a men.  Constant dating woes, I tried it all from “going with the flow”, to being in “situationships”, to only dealing with one man while in the “talking phase” and I get the same result; single.  I put the “singggg” in single.  I am not sad cause “I’m 100% that bitch” still! I am celebrating me with girl power songs that encourage loving yourself, putting myself first and moving on to the next.

This song has been played everywhere.  This is my summer theme song.  If you have already heard this song I hope it heals you like it has me and if you haven’t you’re in for a treat

Revolving Door

I was a woman with daddy issues so I have been very accommodating in relationships.  My revolving door relationship with my father has affected my relationships with men.  My father has been in and out of my life since I was a baby.  Spinning me in circles emotionally coming in and out of my life.

I finally have had enough.  I haven't spoken to my father in years and suddenly I get a greeting card from him this past summer. The card I received from my father was him apologizing to me for the time we had lost and making promises he doesn't keep.  And like in true Tasha fashion I let him back in.  Only for him to continue to act like I am a hindrance to his life cause he can't find time for me.  See, he remarried and has kids.  They see him and get love daily while I pine for him and beg for call backs.

After allowing my father another chance to be in my life I began to do a lot of reflection.  My addiction to pain keeps me going back to dead end situations.  I had to finally face my own truth.  Sorrow and neglect became my love language.  The more detached he is the more I want to save a man.

Going into the new year I wanted to stop this pattern.  No one will be allowed to leave and come back in my life any more.  I will love you and hope for the best, I'm no longer the angry black girl with daddy issues.  I am healing and seeking a mutual satisfying love life.  We will not constantly argue but discuss differences.  We will seek solution not run away.  This time I am loving my own way.  Letting anyone go for good who doesn't want to stay.  I no longer have an open door policy.  I will gladly open the door for you to go if you can live a life without me actively apart of it, just know the door will be closed behind you for good.

Goodbye 2015

Am I the only one who's ready to see 2015 go?  Am I the only one who struggled with their faith this year?  As much as I enjoy each day and grateful for waking up, this year has been very difficult.  I thank God for the blessing of life.  And moments this year that brought me joy.  Like NBA All-Star Weekend in NYC with my siblings.  This year I constantly challenged my way of thinking, being and doing.  Nothing just came to me like in the past.  What I wanted this year I had to work extra hard for it and even then it didn't guarantee me a win.  In years past I seen my hard work manifest and I bared great fruit.  This was the year of drought.

My heart was blocked and it took away my creativity.  Every time I thought I was close to falling in love it fell apart.  It was like being in love wasn't meant for me.  I shut completely down.  So I took a break from everything: love, school, and personal goals.   I think I only went to church twice this whole entire year.  I wanted to try something new.  I needed to relax more and challenge old out dated behavior.

What I learned in 2015 the most is trust in love. Know you are worthy of love as you are.  Always follow my heart.  Don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself a break, and do not let anyone take advantage of you.  I know that there are many things that 2015 has taught you.  Please share if you will. I want to tell you thank you for always supporting me and my vision by coming to my blog, I love you. Let's toast to the New Year.  May 2016 be your best year yet!

Your Vision

Life will constantly remind you of your vision-Iyanla

I always had a vision for my life since a little girl. I always saw myself being in a romantic relationship.  As I began to surrender to life and love I found myself dating.  While dating I lost my sense of self and power.  Everything I said I wanted in a relationship and needed in life I began to put that power in the hands of someone else.  My vision was now gone.  I was confused.  My peace was distorted.  Wanting to have children, wanting to spend quality time with someone, wanting to have a man who is financially stable, and wanting to settle down all became too much to ask.  What I longed for I convinced myself it was no longer what I needed.  I no longer knew who I was and I questioned myself too often.  My life was no longer about me, it was about how to fulfill, sustain and please someone else.  What life reminded me was that it is okay to keep me first.

In quest of finding my true self again I began to make peace.  I made peace with who I once was and who I am in the present.  The merging of the two, my past and present gave me a new vision.  Life began to show me who I was again.  I sat down and studied my vision boards.  And I connected to the person that I am today.  What life showed me was it’s never too late to start over, to start fresh and anew.  To rid yourself of everything and everyone that doesn’t serve you, your highest self.  My vision for love is now free-flowing, not desperately holding on to what or who needs to go.  Detachment is my biggest lesson to learn.  My new vision is to nurture relationships and build.  Not to stay in the “cutting people off” phase.  I now will save myself grief and will only invest in a man who wants the long term, who wants to invest in me.  Enjoying my life, dating and loving are my new visions.  Not taking life so serious and letting my inner love Goddess free.  Physical pleasure is a gift. My new vision is to allow myself the chance to explore, to make mistakes and make love.  As Oprah says, “Create the highest grandest vision for your life.  Then let every step move you in that direction”.

My Life In Photos

This summer I was blessed to be able to spend a few days at the gorgeous Playa Del Carmen La Esmeralda Resort. I used my passport for only the second time in my life. From the moment I boarded the plane until I landed in Mexico I let go of every worry and embraced love. Love was in the air as I was about to witness the wedding of a friend. Destination weddings are super romantic and intimate. You instantly feel the connection not just between bride and groom but between the family and friends. I also experienced love on a spiritual level. In the plane I made peace with flying and released fear. Then when I landed I sat on the ocean’s floor and allowed the water to flirt with my feet. I sat right at the shore and the waves would rush over me giving comfort and love. I was greeted with hospitality from the locals in Mexico. The best hospitality I ever received, I mean they served me food while I lay on the beach. Amazing. Oh, and did I mention I caught the bride bouquet? My highlight. When I returned home to the states I was blessed with the company of my twin sister during the 4th of July weekend. We enjoyed the water front and some night life for good measure. And last but not least I felt the love from within. I took myself out for dinner, visited my all time favorite museum, the National Portrait Gallery. Also for the first time I went to the Madame Tussauds Wax museum. Love surrounds us all. There are big and small examples of this in our lives daily. I enjoy pictures; I believe you can tell a story through a photo without saying a word. Below are some photos from my vacation this summer in Mexico! Thank you as always for stopping by.