TRUTH HURTS

“Why men great till they gotta be great”~Lizzo

Lizzo is a big deal to me for multiple reasons.  She is a plus sized woman comfortable in her skin and promoting self love!  But she also has boy problems and writes about them.  If there is anything I can relate to in this whole wide world is that I problems with a men.  Constant dating woes, I tried it all from “going with the flow”, to being in “situationships”, to only dealing with one man while in the “talking phase” and I get the same result; single.  I put the “singggg” in single.  I am not sad cause “I’m 100% that bitch” still! I am celebrating me with girl power songs that encourage loving yourself, putting myself first and moving on to the next.

This song has been played everywhere.  This is my summer theme song.  If you have already heard this song I hope it heals you like it has me and if you haven’t you’re in for a treat

Image Is Everything

Imagery is a very powerful influence on how we view ourselves and others. Being judged by our bodies, as unfair as it is, it happens. My peace comes from not trying to control the views of others, but having peace with the view I have of myself. What I come to understand that the opinions of others do not hold weight, unless we believe them to be true. It cannot be said enough about who we allow in our lives, what we watch on TV or images in magazines. Negative energy can damage the soul! I was reaffirmed by someone I admire recently who told me, “fly is fly, being chubby does not matter”. Well let me tell you, for years I believed that being thin was in. I felt UNLOVABLE; I did not want to be intimate with a man because of it. I was disconnected and ashamed of what I saw when I looked in the mirror. How many of you can relate? The LOVE hate relationship I had with myself is a reflection of what I thought was acceptable in society. Reading magazines, watching TV, most of the images I see are not a reflection of what I look like physically. The images in the media, not many of us look like them. Today it is about who is perfect. It’s the curvy women with no stretch marks. Also, we see the man who is tall and physically fit with muscles and bronze skin. Images of perfection range from teeth, to breast, to large butts and it can make us fixated on our own imperfections. This can make anyone who does not fit society’s image of beauty struggle with who they are.

That is why I began a challenge. I started taking media in with douses, including social media. I began personal inventory of what I thought was beauty and not what society seen as beauty. On this long journey I learned self acceptance and that being a size 14 is not so bad after all. This became especially true after visiting the art gallery in D.C. this past spring. Pablo Picasso, a fellow Scorpio like me, had an exhibition of his famous art. What I learned is Picasso had quite an appetite for women. Whenever he had a new LOVER, he painted pictures of her, like an obsession. One of his LOVERS was a full figured woman whom became his inspiration for several paintings. I was in awe of how beautiful the paintings were that I began to appreciate myself that much more.

In the exhibition I saw beauty like I never have before. The art inspired me to LOVE myself deeply, to allow my sensual nature to come alive like the women on the walls of the Galleria. Throughout the gallery I saw pictures and paintings of full figured women. Most of the images were nude and the women were soft and sensual. Looking at the art work, I envisioned myself. I saw my body as a work of art. Scanning the room, I appreciated all beauties as I embraced my own! From size 2 to 20 we have LOVE who we are with courage. Being honest with our own short comings is how we heal. LOVING ourselves as we are is how we find peace on our path to LOVE. Image is everything. Depending on who is looking, the perception varies. What is most important is the perception you have of yourself!

Personality: The Desire to Be Liked pt1

Two weeks ago I went to visit my surgeon’s office for the first time. I was extremely nervous because I did not know what to expect. Sense I was 13 I have had large breast. Finally I have great insurance coverage and if I was approved by my surgeon I would not pay a dime! When the doctor greeted me his hand shake was weak and he instantly started talking about my weight. I was shocked and hurt. He then grabbed my boobs, took pictures of them and shortly after left the room. After the hurtful visit I left heartbroken wondering if I ought to find a new surgeon. Already emotionally spent I said to myself, does his personality really matter if he will do a great job on my breast reduction?

This question I bounced around for days as I was carrying the wounds from my surgeon’s not so kind words in my head and heart. As I talked to family, friends and co-workers about getting a new surgeon I received mixed reviews. “Girl forget him and get another surgeon. He does not have good bedside manner.” Another comment was “You need to look into getting a different surgeon and see what would be the process cause I would not let that man touch my body. GOD is trying to teach you patience”. The comments that my spirit agreed with was “Tash you know how long you wanted this surgery, keep the doctor and afterwards tell him he was a jerk”. My sis said “How much more patient do you have to be to find a new doctor? You only been waiting sense you were 13”!

After prayer and meditation I came to the decision to stay. As time went by I soon forgot about the hurtful words and his lack of good bedside manner. I remember the women who referred me to him as she said he is a “perfectionist” so of course he would expect me be “perfect”. What I also kept in mind is after ten years have passed sense she had surgery she said he was excellent! So the mature and more aware Natasha said I don’t care about his personality as long as he can do his job!

When I left the doctor’s office I asked “Do you think my insurance will cover it”? “I don’t know” he said shortly after. “It could take 4-6 weeks to find out", he continued. My heart sank. I now have to wait another month in a half? My goal was to complete the surgery before the school year. I knew in my heart that the doctor would write a great letter of recommendation to my insurance company and he did! Not because he “liked me” but because he is great at what he does. Two weeks later I get a call that my insurance approved the surgery at 100% of the cost. Sure I would have liked to have a surgeon who was warm and connected, but for me personality no longer matters. I feel if you do your job good you are okay with me!

Music Mondays:Kelly Price - I'm Sorry

I did not know Kelly Price released her new CD on May 3, 2011. I downloaded the CD right away and OMG, Kelly Price does not disappoint. She does not have one bad single on the 12 song LP. Going through each song, I was excited for Kelly's great return to music. I finally got to "I'm Sorry" and the tears began pour down my face. I instantly allowed the lyrics to touch my heart. The song is about Kelly in a reflective state of mind. She starts by saying that she is sorry she is leaving and sorry that she stayed, HA! The song continues on as Kelly tells HERSELF sorry and pledging to do better in the future. My GOD, talk about healing lyrics. Kelly Price belts out notes as you can feel she is singing from her heart. I connected with the words and with the pain in Kelly's voice. I too abandoned myself for the world and approval of others. At one point in my life I did not honor my heart or my head when making decisions in my life. But I, like Kelly has learned the art of forgiveness with myself and ready to start a new.

Take this vow with me. Do not let another day go by that you put yourself last on your own list!! Honor who you are, and make peace with yourself today. Your heart will be grateful that you did. Enjoy the song with lyrics below.

I'm sorry that I'm leaving
I'm sorry that I stayed
I'm sorry that I ever let you treat me that way
And I'm sorry that I let a good man get away

But I accept my apology
I'm gonna do better by me
I wrote this song to say I forgive me

For the times I needed me
And every time I slacked
I'm sorry I gave him my love
And he didn't love me back
And I'm so sorry I gave him my heart
I want it back


But I accept my apology
I'm gonna do better by me
I wrote this song to say I forgive me

For the wasted time I know I'll never see again
For the drama and the lies that live inside my head
And for loving you (more) than I even love myself
And for every bridge I burned I know I can't return

But I accept my apology
I'm gonna do better by me
I wrote this song to say I forgive me
I wrote it to say that I love me
I wrote this song to say I forgive me

Masculine Power

Years ago I went on a date with a guy who I knew from high school. On our date he sat down next to me and placed his head in my chest near the square of my shoulder. The gesture made me uncomfortable because I realized the type of man I was dealing with. An emotionally needy one! There was no emotional connection between us and actually our very first date. To say his gesture turned me off would be an understatement.

On the ride home I heard about issues with all the women in his life including his ex-wife the mother of his children. When we arrived at my house I explained that I needed a leader, a man who balances me out, and who is not afraid to stand up to anyone he felt he needed to address. I further explained I sensed his need for my motherly LOVE but what he sought from me he had to fulfill within himself. His reply was no one had ever talked to him about balance and his needed inner strength. By him being raised by his mom he went on to say no one taught him how to be a man. My heart went out to him, but as I explained he is not the man my soul craves.

My inner need is for a masculine A-type male. There is nothing more attractive to me than a man who is comfortable being a man. Being a strong woman I would naturally respond to an A-type male because he would be the answer to my longing to be understood and supported. There would be no power struggles because he would have my respect. I need to feel protected and that he has everything under control. It would relieve me from the stress of always being the one who has to call the shots and get things done!

As soon as I am in the presence of a masculine man I swoon. You know the type of man who has no problem walking up to a woman and saying hello! A man with masculine power talks to his mom or baby mothers about any issues he has so there is no drama. My type of man! It is more than being confident; it is a quiet knowing I am fine as I am. The balance of feminine energy is the knowing and understanding of self. The feminine energy makes him want to solve more problems than create them. He is not threatened by the hug of a man or a child! A wise masculine man works towards balance.

According to Deepak Chopra in his book "Spiritual Strategies for Healing: The Path to LOVE" we ought to seek a partner who has the strengths we have not our weakness. We have been trained that finding the balance within a partnership has to be with someone who can give what we lack. Truth is when we view things from spirit we lack nothing! The danger then becomes a codependent relationship feeling that we are not whole without our mates. Deepak warns that the more dominate partner will cause the weaker partner to shrink. The desires of the weaker partner will no longer be realized and will cause resentment in the relationship, which is not healthy! If you have a high masculine in your personality like me you would want to seek that in a mate. A highly feminine male would have a balanced partnership with a woman who is highly feminine as well. Think Kanye West and Amber Rose. You may or may not agree with their partnership, but they bonded due to their respect for the fashion world. Kanye said he is not a car man, he rather spend money on clothes.

"To be aware of inner need is healthy, to deny inner need is unhealthy" by Deekpak Chopra. Due to societal pressures we find ourselves suppressing our inner desire to be accepted and not criticized. Needing a masculine partner I have been criticized for not being open to date nice guys. I have no issues with nice guys; I just need him to have a balance of toughness too! I finally understand what I need; every man will not have that! I am not asking the universe for every man, but one man GOD has for me! I need a leader, a protector and a provider. I need a warrior, a man who stands up for what he believes in. Am I the only one? A question: Ladies do you find yourself drawn too more masculine men? Also, men what do you think of masculine power?

 

Courageous

Do you know the person who has all the best advice in the world but does not have the courage to live it themselves? You know the ones who will call you out for your shortcoming without having the courage to correct those same mistakes in themselves? I am sure like me you know someone who fits those two descriptions. Better yet, at some point in our lives that person was me and you. Through growth and being dead wrong I learned to be less judgmental and more compassionate. Remembering how flawed I am, I have less time and space to be concerned with anyone else.

 

In the bible it warns us of this type of pattern. The problem with this pattern is several things. One problem is that when we focus on everyone else's issues we loose focus on ourselves. Those of us who feel we have to give advice to everyone who comes in our path wither the person ask for advice or not is filling a void. That void is fear of dealing with our self! Stop and think about that for a minute. Is that you? Of course there is nothing wrong with giving advice under two circumstances. If the person asked for the advice or if you have the courage to live what you are saying!

 

The other problem with this pattern is ego. Ego is the part of who we are that needs to be validated by the world. The ego is that part of ourselves that has to show off what we know and come off as a "know it all". When the ego is involved no one learns anything! That is when we have to release ego and allow spirit to come in. You know when you have connected to Spirit because you no longer seek validation from the world. Spirit takes away the desire to prove others wrong and the need of approval. Spirit is an inner knowing that is within us that says I am okay as I am. That inner knowing also says to us what I do not like about myself I have the courage to correct before I find fault in or give advice to others.

 

Courage means the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. The act of courage is a spiritual one. It is not just a physical quest, but one that takes mind and spirit. When we are feeling pain, confusion, doubt and fear it takes courage to pull ourselves out of that place. To lead the life that we desire takes courage. It is not easy, especially for folks like me who come from families with patterns of abuse and neglect. In negative environments you learn early to live a lie and shrink within yourself. Or one I heard everyday "there are no books on how to be a parent". At times we accept failure in ourselves, but are very critical when we see it in others. Recognize these patterns in your life and have the courage to change it like I have in my own life. Have the courage to be the change you want to see in the world.

Adult Children of Alcoholics part 2: My Story

Alcoholism affected my family in so many ways. As you might imagine it tore us apart. The people who suffer the most are the ones who do not even drink. It is the children. I am the oldest of four siblings. I always said GOD gives us special gifts to help us cope with life's setbacks. My gift is compassion. Protecting my family was an honor. I worried when my grandmother drank and hoped me telling her how it hurts the family would make her stop. My brother and I fought often mainly because his behavior was disrespectful and I was not having it! Everyone had to live up to my unrealistic expectations, including myself!

The hero sometimes referred to as the model child is one of the four common roles played by children of alcoholics. It is usually the oldest. In the alcoholic family all the children play a role, for me I was the hero. I was the first of my mom's generation to graduate high school. I was the first in my grandparent's generation to finish college. I wanted to be the example. I hoped if I did the "right" thing I could encourage my family to do the same. What I learned was no matter how "perfect" I strived to be the only person I can save is me. Being "perfect" has taken its toll. And as I write to you today I am done!

I just came to the realization two weeks ago when a BELOVED family member wanted space from me. The little girl inside of me was upset. What do I have to do to prove I LOVE you, I asked myself? GOD said "Nothing, you already have. Now it is their turn to prove their LOVE to themselves". I release the patterns of my past. They no longer have control over me. I pray this for my family and other adult children raised by alcoholics. As kids we had no control, now we have control and it is with ourselves! YOU deserve happiness. YOU deserve to express sadness or anger without guilt or shame! You deserve a life that is healthy and full of people who want you to win. It is now up to YOU!

In photo:Me and my siblings Christmas 2010

LOVE

If someone asked me have I changed much sense I was a little girl I would most certainly say yes! I no longer allow myself to be a push over. I am finally in touch with my emotions. I do not allow the concerns of this world to bring me down. I am no longer afraid to look a boy in the face, ok maybe just a little. All those things are true, I have progressed sense I was a little girl. The main reason is because I worked hard at being a better person all around. That has been my mission for the last ten years. When I turned 23 my life began to change, I noticed a strong desire in me to grow. After being raised in a home full of abuse and neglect I told myself I have to do better. I had to do better even if that meant moving forward by myself. And that is exactly what I did! The dream of being rescued faded and the overwhelming desire to be independent took over. Then somewhere along the journey I began to desire something else, the comfort of being supported and LOVED. I developed a strong need to have harmonious and peaceful relationships in my life. The need for dare I say a husband and to be cared for. I have not dealt with those emotions sense I was a child. I began to change, a long cry from that vulnerable child wanting desperately to be LOVED. Being that little girl was powerless to me and I needed my power back. Allowing ourselves to go through changes takes us to the place our soul craves. That is for us to come back home.

 

In the second grade I would have my first kiss. It was on the cheek, but yet it was still a kiss. It was not until the summer of the 4^th grade would I have a "real" kiss. That means tongue and everything! See growing up in the hood you moved fast. Everyone knew more than they should from listening to adults talk about their mess. To the neighborhood fights that teenage girls would have over their kid's dad who was by the same guy. I have seen it all! To my 7^th grade best friend hiding her pregnancy from me because I was one of the "good girls" so I would not understand. A kiss was all I was going to give a boy. I was raised to worry about school, work hard and when you are older worry about boys. So that is what I did! Well at least in real life.

 

In my fantasies my prince charming would take me away from all the madness in the world and make my life better. We would go to a place where it was perfect and instantly I became prefect too! I longed for that place, praying for my prince charming to come. Years went by he never came and then one day the light bulb came on, I realized that the only person that could make me happy was me. That broke my heart! The dreams where gone and my heart became harden. I no longer craved LOVE from a man or from anyone for that matter. I put a wall up with my family and everyone around me. Not dealing with the trauma from my childhood began to catch up with me. I was not fine, I was angry, I was hurt; I was no longer that little girl who everyone LOVED. I was no longer the little girl who smiled at everyone and gave a hug. The little girl who teachers adored and had many many friends. I over compensated for not feeling LOVED so I was extremely nice to everyone else to the point of neglecting myself. A natural people pleaser I learned at an early age to neglect myself for others even at the cost of my own mental health. So I became depressed, worried about my sister, my grandparents, and what I felt like my life should be. I was falling apart. I went through grieving stages before I finally had a break through.

 

I first was angry; I hated myself, my parents and my grandparents. Can I be real? The childhood I had was finally being dealt with, and it changed me. I learned to forgive. I learned to accept. I learned to say no. I learned to speak up. I learned to finally be me! I changed. From that stage grew a desire to be better so I read books and joined Al-Anon a program to help families and friends of alcoholics. Through Al-Anon I learned that I had to let go of my desire to control. I had to stop minding everyone else's business and start worrying about my own. Not easy, but I knew in order to get the life I dream of it would take hard work!

 

Years of healing I decided to go into ministry and give to others what I have received. A new lease on life! I was blessed with the opportunity to be free of family bondage and to create a new path for myself. The more I began to practice my new teachings the easier they became. Going home to family members who knew how to press my buttons would be a test. Hell, dealing with family members is STILL a test!! But I learned to soften my heart, to let it go! I would tell my family for the first time how I felt and then let them choose what they wanted to do next. Finally I was responsible for only MY actions and not the little girl who wanted to save everyone!

 

Sherri was a friend I had in school from the 5^th grade up to the 8^th grade. Sherri was not that nice as a person on the outside, but I knew she was just covering up from hurt. I knew deep down she was a sweetheart and I would let her know even as a little girl. GOD just allowed me to see that even as a child. Sherri and I would reunite yesterday on facebook after all these years. The first thing she said to me was "Tasha you are still sweet. I hope you did not let life get you down". That humbled me. She remembered that I was this little girl who LOVED way past my years. I did not care if you sold drugs, was in a gang, had sex, I LOVED you anyhow. And Sherri remembered that, we would send emails back and forth all night last night. When I went to sleep I thanked GOD for sending her my way. What Sherri has done is help me to remember where I come from. She helped me remember the person I once was. The little girl who believed in LOVE and was not afraid to express it! Today that little girl's LOVE radiates through my soul! She is in my very being and breaths me fresh life! That little girl who does not care what a man does but what his heart says he is! My soul craves the unity of this little girl so I can find the spirituality in LOVE again! My soul's journey was not to become serious and rigid, but to be free! My spirit now will be the sweet little girl who adores LOVE songs, holding hands and giving kisses! LOVE does not have to be a burden. It can be the very thing that frees us from the very things that weigh us down. My desire to LOVE gives me new joy I never knew was possible without having a romantic partner to share it with. I now am mature enough to give the LOVE I always gave to others back to myself! I believe in my prince charming again and that he will LOVE me just as I am. Whole, happy, healthy and sweet with a lot of LOVE to give!

 

 

Making A Difference In Our Own Lives!

How much do you give to yourself? Honestly? How much time and energy do you put into, say getting dressed in the morning? How much time do you put into creating something for you to eat at home? The truth is even when we know that taking time for ourselves is important, we simply don't do it! Yep, we get up and think about what to do at work, what a friend or family member needs. We cram our schedules with charity work or events and by the end of the day we are wore out!

In this season of my life I am focused on a few things. My first concern is my money. I will have my car paid off next year! Praise Jehovah!!! That will give me extra money and lots of breathing room. I am getting my passport ready now:) I do not want to just save my money, but to be able to do things I always wanted to do but could not afford it. Saving and investments is my main focus for 2010 and beyond!

The second thing is my health. I have been chunky my whole life. I wrote about that before. Healing is still a everyday task. To say I feel good about myself is one thing. To believe it is another. With so many images with women who look nothing like me, it is challenging to feel good about who I am. I constantly work on my image issues. I have learned that the best way to work on my image issues is accept what I can't control and to have the courage to work on what I can. So losing up to 50lbs is my goal. Sense the last time I blogged about wanting to loose weight I have lost 16lbs!!! The last month has been tough so I gained 4lbs. This week I am back on my grind. GOD knows this is the toughest thing I have had to do. My health is what is most important to me, not just my weight. Our self image is apart of our health. If we do not have a healthy view of who we are, we will never get the weight off and keep it off. It is deeper than self LOVE, it is acceptance. I am who I am. But I know that I am not happy with how I look and I am working on it! Low self esteem no more!

My third goal is working toward my certification. I currently work for Head Start. I LOVE what Head Start does for children and families. As a teacher I am over worked and under paid. The school is year round and I feel I never get a mental break. Putting myself first, I am working toward a better place not just financially but mentally and spiritually as well. I want to be a certified teacher so I can work in the public school. My goal was to work in the public school when I went to college. Due to not passing the Praxis on the first try I decided to work for Head Start. I have gotten a great advantage or Head Start (pun intended) while working for Head Start right out of college. I have great classroom experience and now I need the certification. In the next few weeks I will get a transcript evaluation and go from there. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go forward on my journey. Thank you!

Lastly, Rest is so important. Still, we often over look how important rest is when it comes to good health. Doctors have proven that people who get plenty of rest are less like for health issues. Yet, we stay up late and wake up early everyday as we are off to work. My vow is to get in bed by 10:30pm every night. Right now I am more like 12 ish and finally fall asleep about 1am! I know I am not alone. I wake up at 7:30 am. It never fails I go to bed around 12am and wake up around 7:45 ish rushing to head out the door. Not very healthy I know.

Today I am making a difference in my own life! I will take better care of myself. I ask that you vow to do the same. What have you been putting off this year? Want to start that new business? Vacation overseas? Go for it! Put your self first! Neglect is damaging to the soul. We tell ourselves that someones life takes value over our own. That is not true! You matter. You are important. When we begin to make a difference in our own life, unconsciously we are making a difference in others.

Wait Or Not To Wait, That Is The Question?!

Abstinence is something that I am passionate about. The debate on whether to wait or not wait for sex has divided many people. You either have the safe sex folks or the good old fashion Christians who preach purity rings and such. The balance between the two is often left out. Why don't we teach sexuality and not just abstinence? Would if self awareness and LOVE was taught and not, well just safe sex? If someone is going to wait to have sex they ought to know why, just like the person who chooses to have pre-martial sex. The real issues is not the sex, but the conditions in which we are having sex. Often times than not young girls do not even enjoy sex. Women do not even learn their bodies til much later because they are not being taught. My question is if we are not enjoying sex, why are we having it? If we are honest, people who had sex at young ages did not even know what they were doing. So sex seems to be done out of fear of being judged and left out. Funny because that is exactly why many young people choose to not have sex as well.

So, wait to have sex? At 19 I asked myself that very question. I decided that I would wait until I fell in LOVE with a man and he would be my first. Interestingly enough 13 years later I have yet to fall in LOVE. Yep, I am a 32 year old virgin. GOD had the final say. My purpose was and still is to live for him and wait to have sex until marriage. My mission and purpose is to help people to rethink Christianity, being a virgin, sexuality, to promote healing, well being and emotional strength. Until my death that is what I am here to do.

Embracing my calling as you can imagine was no easy task. At one point I was self righteous. I had to humble myself because no one wanted to be around me. I was holier than thou. Always wanting to be right. Playing GOD instead of living through him. I had a lot to learn.

See I did not miss sex at first. The reason was I was disconnected from my body. That's right. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally dead. No vision, no purpose. But I did not know! My ego lead me to believe I knew everything. I then realized what looked right for someone else may not look the same for me. That's OK. When I opened my eyes to what GOD wanted me to be, which was more compassionate, understanding and supportive to my brothers and sisters I asked GOD to forgive me. I was ready to start my journey. This time I was ready.

Jesus is what my friends affectionately call me. Everyone close to me knows how serious I am about the Lord. See I stopped going around preaching what to do, I began to live it! I believe our lives is our biggest ministry. So I use it wisely. With that said, I am not perfect or strive to be. I am a sexual being, made in the image of Christ. I was created for my husband and him for me. My desire and longing for him was from birth. Trying to repress sex is not healthy. I did not always know this.

In order to be a virgin it has been taught to cut off any sexual desires. So that is what I did for years. This is the opposite extreme of having sex with multiple men. Neither is healthy. Having multiple partners before marriage to me is emotional suicide. Having different men entering inside of me, releasing and then saying goodbye? How do I cut off my emotions? How do I not feel bad for wanting him to stay with me? I don't know? That's why I am a virgin. Yes, I can disconnect with the best of them, that is not healthy either. Waiting for marriage is putting what's best before what's good at the time. It's saying I want to have a partner to give himself to me and me only for the rest of our lives.

I know you maybe thinking, how do you know if someone is great in bed or not if you do not have sex? Here is how. Kissing. Yes, a man can tell you a lot by how he kisses, honey. Fast or slow. Tongue or no tongue. Even the way he holds you will let you know if he is gentle. Intimacy can be massages with oil, feeding each other dinner, long walks and good conversation. You do not have to have sex with a man to know if he is good in bed. I know most people disagree, but how many people had a feeling that someone was not going to be good in bed before having sex with them? Then deciding to have sex and was disappointed and wished you would had followed their heart?

What about the car test theory? You know the one where everyone says you have to test drive your car before you buy it? I don't know about you but I don't have to test drive a C Class 2010 Benz(sedan to be exact) to know I want to take it home with me! Driving the car would make me want it more even if I can't afford it! Lusting for the car I test drive it, take it home and then I am emotionally drained by the high car payments.

My point is you don't have to "test drive" to know if you would like having sex or not. It is called chemistry! If two people have great chemistry then they can work TOGETHER on what does not work. Chemistry means both have the same values, sexual taste, music etc. in common. This will let you know if you are not compatible than test driving would just be another emotionally draining experience.

Being a virgin is and will always be a difficult choice. I will not say it is easy. So I gain strength by having a better relationship with myself and GOD. I began to study for myself. I learned that masturbation is not forbidden in the Bible at all. Yes, I know. So I began to masturbate. I needed an outlet sexually. After connecting to GOD I no longer felt guilty. I finally owned my body and know what I like and don't like. What touches are good and bad. I practice tantra yoga, which helps me to channel my sexual energies. I also explore through sex toys and different healthy ways to channel my sexuality. My theory is if you stay ready you don't have to get ready. I do not want a man who is not comfortable with his sexuality so why would I be? Being comfortable with our sexuality is a birth right! My sexual desires for my husband was put inside of me on purpose. Those are signs that I am not meant to be alone. I do need a man and he also needs me.

Born again virgin? Never had sex? Waiting for marriage? Having sex when you fall in LOVE? Having sex when you want to? Sex is an important part of our everyday life. Deciding what is best for you is personal. It is not my place to judge. As adults we have to know why we choose to have sex. We can not have the emotional maturity of a teenager and not know who we are or what we are doing! If you want to wait to have sex do it! Have the courage to live the life that you know GOD has called for you. As a friend told me, when you live for Jesus everything will go your way!!

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

When I read a great blog the other day the writer mentioned that he does not think most women are funny. He said it is a man trait. My first thought was he is sexist! Really. How is a man consider funnier just because, well he is a man? After getting past my initial hang up, I begin to agree. Yes, I know before I offend my sister friends let me explain.

After much consideration of me going back and forth with the idea that I am not funny, I finally decided that I am not. I do not think it is because I am a female. But because funny is not my gift. The same can be said about a man. Just because he has a penis does not automatically get him the funny card. There are men that are not funny as well. That is not a bad thing. It's just there personality.

My theory is this: it is not fair to expect someone to be who they are not. It would not be a true assessment to think everyone is funny because being funny is a gift. Yes, we all may have a sense of humor and say funny things at times. But being funny is a personality trait. Like being kind is.

How many times have you heard someone describe themselves as kind? Then you hang around them long enough to see that they are not as "kind" as they say they are. Well because most people do not take time to know who they are.

We have to do an honest evaluation and say to ourselves, you know what I am "kind" at times but would I say this is my strength or something I need to work on? Or is it something I feel I need to work on at all? Does everyone need to be kind ALL the time? I say no. If it does not feel natural to you, than do you! Respect others and understand that how you treat others will effect you in the long run.

I use my sister for an example often because she is my bestie. Have I mentioned she is my twin sis? Yes, and we are like night and day!! My sister is friendly, funny, free spirit, charismatic, outspoken. Me, I am a sweetheart, great sense of humor, free spirit, reserved, quiet, charming and charismatic.

Notice I said great sense of humor vs. funny? Also I said sweetheart vs. friendly. Yes, there is a difference. I laugh at everything. If you trip I will laugh before I ask are you OK. I will laugh at an off beat comment made by one of my students. I am not usually the one telling the jokes, I am laughing at them. Now my sister is funny. Stand up comedian funny. When she is around people she has them cracking up. They all say "your sister is so crazy". Think Adele Givens Def Comedy Jam or Queens of comedy. As for me, I am chillin in the crowd talking to everyone and laughing at my sisters stories and jokes. My sister and I have a ongoing joke when I spoke to her about my revelation. I said I am not funny but have funny times. She said you just said something funny. I give up! But really I can't take my show on the rode. She honestly can!

My sister was going to her nail tech for about a year before I started going to them years ago. My sister was so friendly, laughed and joked with everyone and my sister said they would tell her she was "so nice". When I went for the first time to the nail shop I listened to everyone in the nail shop stories from the nail techs to the customers about their lives. Instead of being the one actually telling the story. I hugged and kissed everyone on the way out and said thank you for the great job. My sister said they could not stop talking about me. How much they LOVED me and how I am the sweet one. My sister is friendly, but sweet she is not.

Is she a bad person? NO! Because she is being who GOD has called her to be. Herself! Am I saying she is not sweet at times, no! I am not the angel either. I have my moments when I don't feel like being bothered and I have learned to say no! I know who I am now and do not need to do extra stuff to get people to like me.

My point is that we all have our gifts. My pastor told me "If you do not use your gifts GOD will take them away". I believe that. Embrace your natural gifts so you can be a blessing to someone else. Sure everyone wants to be funny. But if it is not your gift than own up to it!! Find your strength and sore!

Martha Beck

The rules tell you to scheme, flatter, and play hard to get, but our favorite life coach doesn’t think that will get you very far. It’s time to rethink the dating game.


Develop a strong sense of self before seeking a relationship.

Day after day, as I hear single women bemoan the lack of available men, I wish ethics allowed me to set them up with my wonderful male clients who are searching, with equal frustration, for the right woman. Instead, I end up simply witnessing singles of both sexes failing to find each other.

I believe this failure has much to do with the model of love seeking most popular in our culture: the idea of romantic pursuit as a type of predation, a hunting expedition the goal of which is capture.

In my experience, the way of thinking that leads to successful relationships is altogether different. It’s focused on the idea that the way to find love is to become so much yourself that you find others of your own kind, with whom you can share freedom.
The book of love?

The predator model of love leads to a hunter’s way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this “statistical mass” logic.

I’ve seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It’s a soul search.

The other rules for seeking your soul {and its mate}
I would encourage anyone who wants to find a soul mate to follow these three steps.



1. Know thyself

Women who are willing to hide or detach from their real selves in order to bag a man often seem to believe that the right guy will give them a sense of identity and self confidence. This is backward. Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you’ve never seen.
Next time you’re feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Visit a therapist. Embark on a voyage of self discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.



2. Value thyself

The single women I know are frequently advised, “Stop being so picky,” “Have a better attitude,” and “Lower your standards,” perhaps to the point where they’ll date anyone with a penis and a pulse.

I believe this is precisely the wrong approach. Why? Consider our statistical friend, the bell curve. The great bulge in the middle represents areas where you are, well, average. This is also the part of you that could easily be mixed and matched with the largest number of potential mates. The skinnier upper end represents your greatest gifts, the areas where you are most talented and extraordinary. The few people who share your most exceptional characteristics are your tribe, the population that is most likely to contain your heart’s partner.

I suggest that you should be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the “bad attitude” that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same way you are.
Be courteous to men who don’t appeal to you, but for God’s sake, don’t waste your evenings, let alone your nights, with them. “Oh,” conventional rule keepers might exclaim, “you’ll have to spend some nights alone!” Yes, indeed. Your pool of candidates is much smaller at the high quality end of the bell curve, your chances of having no date on Saturday much larger if you refuse to go out with men who bore or repulse you.
But if memory serves, the boredom and/or repulsion of bad dating is much worse than spending a few hours on your own.


3. Engage thyself

The authors of “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” emphasize that in order to get a guy, a woman should always act busy, for instance, when a desirable man calls, it’s wise to set a timer to go off a few minutes later, then recite a memorized exit line, such as “Sorry, gotta go. I have a million things to do.”

Here’s my crazy idea: How about actually having a million things to do? How about actually filling your life with interesting activities? If you want to attract a partner, identify what you love to do, and do it, a lot. Involved, busy people really are more attractive, so if you want to get engaged to your soul mate, start by being engaged in activities that fascinate you, especially those that have nothing to do with dating and that make you forget to go love hunting.

BIG GIRL IN A small MINDED WORLD

I am fat. I have been fat my whole life. Every time I say this to someone I know they say "no your not you just have large breast". Why is it hard for most people to admit that they are fat? I am embracing this truth today. In order for me to make a break through with my weight loss I have to fully accept me for who I am. This is challenging living in a world that wants you to shrink by the idea of embracing being fat. The myth is that being fat means hiding at home all day afraid to leave your home. It means eating everything all day non stop. Being fat means being unhealthy. What is the most hurtful for me is that being fat means you are not attractive. So the chances of me meeting a man that I find attractive and he feels the same about me is rare. The thing is being fat is no longer an issue for me. My issue is how the world responds to me being a fat person.

The first thing a person thinks about when concerning a fat person is their health. This is a valid concern. I am concerned about my health too. Being skinny does not equal healthy. Being skinny just means, being skinny LMBO! Is 50 cent healthy after losing 54lbs in 9 weeks? NO! But he is skinny. A persons health is not necessarily related to their weight. I am pro-health. I have lost 16lbs this year sense I started my weight loss challenge months ago. My purpose is to have a healthy self-image that will influence better habits. Having a healthy self-image is what leads to a healthier lifestyle. If I feel good about who I am right now, my future will be that much greater. But if I hold on to the idea that skinny equals better I will be fighting a losing battle my whole life. And so will anyone else striving to come to peace with being big in a small minded world.

In Essence magazine years ago there was a poll given on the amount of black men who date big women. You may or may not be surprised by the result. According to the poll only 5% of black men date big women. Only 5%? DAMN!!! I am supportive of choices and having the courage to date who our heart desires. Reading this broke my heart. It is already said that there is a black man shortage, now only 5% of of that male shortage are going to want me. Okay, so that is actually funny. My point is that big women are not desirable. We are grouped together as asexual and looked at as friends, Aunts, and so forth. This small minded outlook is what keeps me single. Yes, I want to lose weight but I am fat now! When going out I already tell myself he will not like me because I am fat. I know what we think will manifest in our life. I am not thinking negatively, I am being real. Do I physic myself out sometimes? Yes! But I actually want to be proven wrong in this case:) Of course I know that there are men who LOVE big girls. GOD bless them, but that does not change the fact that most men are not attracted to big women. Being judged for what you look like and not who you are is a constant complaint from women about men. The only answer I get is that men are shallow. So I am supposed to accept him for who he is, but I have to lose 30 lbs for him to ask me on a date. This is very small minded. I want someone to LOVE me at my worst or he will not deserve my best.

In society to be fat, plus size, or consider a big person is negative. I mean who wants to be fat? There are limited images supporting beautiful women of different body types when looking on t.v, magazines, and in Hollywood. The media is an easy target. What about our neighbors, our friends? This is what society does not want to admit. We live in a weight phobia society. Weight ism is just as powerful as racism, sexism, or any other ism. The fat person is always laughed at. Insecure women find fat women as easy bait. The criticism is high among women who obviously have issues within themselves. When a women calls a women fat who looks just like her I am confused. That is what it means to have bad body imagine. It's deeper than being fat! It is years and years of being told you have to loose 20 lbs for this or that. It's being told in elementary school that your smaller friend looks better than you. It's getting stares when you go out. It's the fat girl jokes by people who say they are your friends.

In order for a women to embrace the idea of being fat that means she has to have the courage to go against the grain. To embrace who she is, even if only 5% of the black men in the world agrees. There comes a time in every grown women's life that she has to greet herself at her own mirror. Not the world's. Having the courage to say I am fat. Stop beating everyone to the punch with criticism of your weight so you won't be hurt or embarrassed. Tell someone that it hurts when they are critical of people who are fat, and to grow up! If we are going to have a healthy self-image we have to make sure the people around us reflect what that is. Being a big girl in a small minded world is a constant reminder of that I am fat. Instead of allowing that truth to make me feel inferior, I now use it as a strength. I am who I am. LOVE me or leave me alone!

I Am Doing It and Doing It and Doing It!!!

Life is going to be a challenge. There will be rough times, difficult situations, things to fall into, major obstacles, hurdles, stumbling, blocks, forks in the road, knives in the back, mountains to climb, things to get over, oppositions to resolve, unpleasantness to face, feelings to understand, disappointments to accept, mysteries to solve, wonders to unfold and promises to keep to yourself. Now that you know what to expect, prepare yourself. Get ready. The only way to get to where you want to be is to do what needs to be done to get there. Do it fast. Do it slow. Do it right. Do it up. Do it in the daylight. Do it by the moonlight. Do it alone. Do it with others. Do it for free. Get paid to do it. Do it with others. Do it for the world. The moment you give up on doing it, it will never get done.

Iyanla Vanzant Acts Of Faith

You Don't Need To Search No More!

Last Friday I went to an art show with some of my girlfriends. This is my social season. Last year all I wanted to do was stay at home. I just moved from my hometown of Oklahoma City. I was homesick and all I fantasied about was home cooked meals. I have now made peace with my decision to live in Northern Virginia. GOD has revealed to me all the great possibilities my area has to offer. So I took the train to DC and enjoyed an evening with friends. I started a conversation with the ladies sitting next to me about the lovely cake we were eating. After having some laughs I was invited to hang out at a restaurant in DC called Stan's. I thought why not?! So my new friends and I boarded the train and went to Stan's. At the table we talked about being from different areas, the menu and of course men. Two of the ladies asked me was I dating. I replied"No". Then I was asked "Well are you even looking"? I said "No". They both looked surprised at my answer. This is the response I get from most women. Especially if they are already in a relationship. They think everyone wants what they have, a boo. Or every women is looking to get what they have, a boo. I am not one of those women. I am in the small group of women who believe that LOVE will happen when you least expect it!

The art of attraction is simple. Man sees you having fun, he wants to join you having fun. Man likes women, women likes man. They live happy ever after right? Well, yes and no. Of course every man who has fun with you is not going to ask you out. Just like the men I hung out with at Stan's. They sat next to us and said all night you ladies are so cool. After it was over I gave hugs and kisses and went home. That easily could have been the opposite where I would have made a connection. The beauty of it is I had no expectation either way!

LOVE is something that you need not search for. It is not in the man or women you meet. Looking for LOVE is an idea I no longer believe in. Why? Because I now know this simple truth. Being that I am the image of GOD, I am LOVE. The reason is because GOD is LOVE. So if I am made in his image than I am LOVE too. So knowing this truth I seek for LOVE no more! How can someone find something that is not lost? How can someone find something that they already have? I take LOVE everywhere I go. So man or women will draw to me because of this truth. And I will also draw to them. Which brings me to my next point. When your soul makes a connection you don't have to do anything. You just have to be! As Common said years ago, just BE! In that space LOVE will come when you least expect it. Your soul will seek out your mate. You will feel the connection and it will be deeper than we both LOVE romantic comedies.

I hear people say all the time "LOVE happens when you least expect it". So why do so many people search for LOVE? When it is proven that the best relationships happen when either person is not desperately looking for it? I used to be guilty of this. Every hour on the hour wanting a man so bad, feeling that as long as he was "nice" I would go out on a date with him. I did not want to pass up my soul mate! I think the problem is we live in a world that promotes fast results. I support online dating. I did it for years. But I realized for me, the Internet was a safety net. Getting out in the world was what my soul craved. Real human connections. So again I ask what is your soul saying to you?

I know of a life coach that recommend write down a date for what you want. I wanted to move to the DC area so in 2006 I wrote down my target date. In July 2007 a month before my target date I was moving to Northern Virginia. The life coach recommended setting a date for a new job, move to a new location, or if you desire a mate. I thought, that is an excellent idea. Every time I sat down to make a date to find LOVE my soul would reject it. All I could think of is the different goals that I wanted to accomplish. Being in a relationship was not on the list. The odd thing is I am open to a relationship. But sitting down planning one is not natural for me.

Going through life I am finding out that every one's path to LOVE will not be the same. One thing I do know is to find LOVE is to look within. When you understand that LOVE is not separate from you the feeling of loneliness fades away. The desire to make plans to go out and meet a man fades away. A desire to share your LOVE for the world will rise in you. The desire to LOVE yourself more will be a goal. Acceptance will be a daily task. In that space everything our soul desires will reach out to us and draw it near!

Are You Kind To Yourself?

"We somehow believe that if we hate ourselves enough, if we shame ourselves enough, we'll end up thin, happy, peaceful people," says Geneen Roth Author of WOMEN FOOD and GOD. "Somehow if I torture myself enough, I'll end up feeling great about myself and about my life, as if hatred leads to love and torture leads to contentment," says Geneen Roth. As crazy as that sounds, Geneen Roth makes a point about women mental and emotional reasoning for not being kind to ourselves. Saying things like I hate my arms, I hate my thighs, just leads to other problems instead of helping them. When we say things to ourselves like "you are a pig, all you think about is food". Or "Look at her hips they are nice, I hate my hips, hers are perfect". It is not a coincidence that positive out comes do not happen in our lives. Torturing ourselves does not lead to a healthy life. When we are kind to ourselves we are giving ourself permission to be who we are. Accepting the things we like about ourselves and what we do not.

Coming from a family of drugs addicts and alcoholics I did not learn about healthy choices. I was taught to abandon who I am for everyone else. When life gets too hard retrieve to your shell. Do not communicate about your problems. There was no healing, just years and years of abuse and neglect. So self hate was the common thread in my house hold. Hating how you looked was minor. It was bigger things like hating your dad. Wishing GOD gave you someone else's mom. Feeling gulity for being angry that your grandparents ignore you. My grandparents had bigger issues to deal with, like years and years of abuse and neglect. So having destructive behavior was a pattern in my household. My grandparents had to raise four kids that their child had abandoned. I felt it was my fault. So the self hate began.

Putting others before me was expected. Wanting more out of life was seen as selfish. So being nice was a comfortable role for me. I was accepted. I was liked. I was apart of a group of people I admired. If I am nice they would like me, they will be my friend, I thought. From childhood I never felt LOVED or accepted for me. Not getting attention at home I felt a constant need to seek outside approval. That's my Aha moment as Oprah says. Being me was not good enough. Not good enough for my parents. Not good enough for anyone else either. The only way I am good enough is when I am sweet nice Tasha. Bending over backwards to please everyone and neglecting myself. I was taught my life is not my own. You have no power. So the only thing I could control was what I ate. It felt good and that was a feeling I was not used to.

Working through my childhood issues for the last nine years I have learned many things. I learned about neglect and abuse. Years of me saying that I was not affected by my parents not raising me was a lie. Being kind to myself means to me owning up to how I feel. I no longer put others before myself. I learned to speak my truth even if I am the only one who believes it! When we say that what we feel does not matter, we are chipping away at our self worth. We are saying we do not matter. That's is where hate lives. The name calling begins. A cycle of abuse and neglect. I told myself the the generational curse of my family stops with me! I will give myself the same LOVE I give to others. I am still sweet Tasha. But I have learned that because I am in a bad mood today, or that I want a piece of cake does not make me the worst person in the world. After all that is what I would say to someone else.

I missed Geneen Roth when she was on Oprah last week, but I read her article on Oprah.com(link attached when click on title). She feels women have a tough time meeting their weight loss goals due to the self hatred they have with themselves. Our emotional trauma from some point in our lives triggers us to eat. I agree with this sentiment. Because it is not the food the feels good but the fact that it is something that gives me pleasure is my addiction. The pleasure of food makes me feel LOVED. Accepted for who I am. Finding this out just today has helped me towards the life I dream of losing extra weight for life. Oprah opened up about how her childhood trauma is the reason for her trigger to eat. I believe the things that happen to us as children effects us as adults. It ought to be our mission in life to see why we are not kind to ourselves. What is the reason we are not living our best lives.

Mastering The Art of Being Alone pt.2

Being more and more like Christ is my constant motivation daily. My souls desire is to be like him in everything I do. When Christ walked the earth he was said to have a busy life. Healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, leading his disciples, and following the direction of his Father every moment of his earthly life. This is what makes Christ such a great example of LOVE because he sacrificed his life for GOD and the people of GOD because Jesus understood that discipline and order leads to a mastered life. In the scriptures it says, Afterwards he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone~Matthew 14:23. Seeking solitude was important for Christ. Jesus I believe understood the power of spending time with GOD and reflecting on what it is that GOD wants for his life. What a powerful teacher Christ is! He led by example! He made time for GOD and also for himself.

Making time for GOD and for ourselves is vital to our relationship with GOD and with our self. How do you build a relationship with someone you only spend time with every once in a while? How do you know yourself if you never or rarely spend time alone? The answer is you can't! Jesus understood this truth. In order to have a relationship with ourselves it first starts with GOD! Going to GOD in prayer and mediation is a spirit building exercise that will free you from the cares of this world. The stress of your job, feeling that your are single and nobody wants you, or everyone is in a happy relationship but you. All that stuff goes out the window when we build a deeper relationship with GOD. Because what happens is through GOD we gain strength. How do you think Jesus The Christ was able to walk the earth without worry of approval, or acceptance from others? He knew who he was, a child of GOD! Through that relationship we are healed and free! Praise the LORD! When Christ sacrificed his life for us on Calvary his intent was for us to live blameless lives. To not be bound by the cares if this world. To hold on to the promise of our heavenly Father. In order to know what that promise is we must spend some of our time alone. In solitary.

The thought of being alone is scary for some. The idea that no one will be there to comfort them physically makes some people literally fearful and it keeps them repeatedly going from relationship to the next relationship. Leaving no time for healing or any personal development. This creates a bad pattern in relationships. This is why I do not know how some folks are disappointed when their relationships do not workout. The reality is they do not have a relationship with themselves. Instead of spending a season of their life in solitary, they allow fear to motivate them to go into another unhealthy relationship. Our soul desires relationships. This deep longing is why we constantly want companionship. There becomes a deep seeded feeling that something is missing from our lives. It is natural to long for LOVE. In Genesis GOD made man and women because he said we were not made to be alone. The desire for a mate was put inside us from birth! What is not natural is the desperate attempts we make to fulfill our soul desire for LOVE! Which brings me back to my Aries South node and Libra North node.

The desperate North Node Libra would go out and find LOVE without realizing that LOVE has been there within the whole time. This is why my South node in Aries is a blessing. The reason is this influence allowed me to go deep within and spend time alone. By being alone I challenged myself to work through my emotions. I understood that in order for me to have a relationship with GOD, with myself, my family, and community, I had to start at the very beginning. I had to start with the source of all creation and build a solid foundation within.

Genesis is our best history lesson on building foundations. It tells us about our first mothers and fathers Adam and Eve and their natural desire to be close to one another. Adam said At last! She is part of my own flesh and bone! she will be called 'woman', because she was taken out of man~Genesis 2:23. That verse gives me chills! I pray for a man to say those words to GOD when he meets me! At last, Adam said to GOD. The women I prayed for my whole life. What a blessing ladies for a man to have that much favor in you! Adam's attraction to Eve was pure because she was in her natural form. She was the complete image of GOD. She was whole and new! She was pure and had never sinned! Adam made the connection because he seen himself in her. She was made of GOD's image and so was he! When we connect to our source, our creator, our GOD we are made whole! Being created in GOD's image we are LOVE because GOD is LOVE! So the feeling of being lonely and not good enough is not from GOD. In GOD we are prefect and pure. When we are one with GOD we have peace within. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit the bible says she was embarrassed and hid behind leaves. She no longer saw herself in the image of GOD. When we refuse to be alone we are saying we are ashamed of who we are. This fear makes us hide from GOD!

We hide when we won't look at ourselves in the mirror our soul reflect. We hide in relationships, we hide with our work, we hide with being everyone savior. In order to gain the freedom our soul craves we have to master the art of being alone. This freedom comes in many forms. It depends on the lesson GOD has for you! What I know for sure is in order to have the LOVING healthy relationships our soul craves we have to find the courage to be in solitary where you go to your scarce place and sit! When we truly have been healed and strengthened GOD will order our steps and prepare us for our beloved to arrive.

I am following my North node in this season of my life. I am the opposite of most people. Instead of fearing being alone, I fear being in a serious relationship! I have mastered the art of being alone and it is time for me to get out and greet the world! With an open heart and mind, I will be a happy single women with her heart open for LOVE. Embracing my need to be whole I will constantly spend time in solitary even when I am in a romantic relationship. Because now that my foundation is made it is up to me to nurture it. I know how to give myself what I need. I no longer search outside of myself for the LOVE I know that is within me! As my soul guides me to my beloved I know my reflection will draw him to me. I do not have to search for LOVE. I don't have to go out every weekend to be noticed by LOVE. Why? Because he is already in me. Just like LOVE is already inside of you!

Mastering The Art of Being Alone pt1

The path to LOVE begins when you realize that separation, loneliness, and the pain of isolation are real~Deepak Chopra. I remember like it was yesterday. I was 25 years old and I just graduated from college. I lived at home with my grandparents and still searching for a job. Feeling desperate, lonely, and anxious was a everyday experience. I made a habit of finding what was wrong with me and fixing it. Feeling UNLOVABLE I constantly sought LOVE from other places outside of myself. Fearing being alone forever I constantly dreamed and prayed for a husband who would make me complete. He would make me happy! As GOD would have his way this image was broken the day I read in Essence Magazine "NO Man Can Make You Happy". I have said that line to myself over and over like most people. But until that day it never sank in. Finally reality hit! Separation became real. The pain of being by myself became real. I broke down! I cried. I became angry. I said to myself if a man can't make me happy what is the point of being in a relationship? Boy, did I have a lot to learn.

I share that story because so many people still feel deep down inside wither they want to admit it or not that they believe someone will save them from themselves. The desire for LOVE for most people is motivated by fear or fantasy. In one of my favorite books The Path To LOVE Deepak Chopra writes about how most people live with images in their heads of the fantasy relationship that no one will live up to or the fear that they are not LOVABLE at all. Both extremes is what keeps romance at bay. To master the art of being alone or in solitary we have to embrace the reality that we are the only ones that are responsible for our own happiness. The day I realized this my life has not been the same.

Happiness is subjective. It looks and feels different to different people. That is why the journey is so important to do it alone. Yes, that is right I said it. ALONE *dun dun dun*! In order for us to reach new levels in ourselves we have to spend time in solitary. Being in solitary is being in your scarce place. Spending time alone does not mean using all your time and energy wondering when your soul mate will come. Spending time alone is nurturing your spirit/soul so your soul will seek out and draw your mate to you. Understanding this will set you free! There is nothing you can do to be more attractive to a person than nurturing and LOVING yourself!

In astrology you have what is called North node and South Node. South node is what we do naturally. Our North node is the direction our soul craves for us to go. Many astrologers make South nodes to be negative and North nodes to be positive. In order to be balanced and whole beings I believe it is wise to embrace both sides, our whole selves. My South node is in Aries. This shows my independent spirit. The part of me that does not understand why the whole world wants to be in a relationship. Being a solider for Christ is natural because I am a warrior! Having my South node in Aries makes me a natural leader and gives me a desire to be first at everything! My North node is in Libra. The polar opposite! This part of me is very ideal. I see romance and beauty in everything! My soul craves peace and harmony within. I am a natural visionary under this influence and all I see is a white picket fence 2.5 kids and a dog, hahaha.

How does one embrace both? Great that you ask! This is what we master when we are alone. In solitary we seek unity within. Reconnecting to yourself, the one you abandoned for the world! Living a solitary lifestyle I can hear clearly what GOD wants from me. I can see now that it is natural for me to be alone being that my South node influence is in Aries. GOD helped me to see that there is nothing wrong with being in a LOVING relationship, but everything must be done in order. Not out of fear or desperation! My disappointment with the reality of LOVE gave me a "me against the world" attitude. Needing someone made me feel powerless and that is not a natural feeling for me. Realizing this truth gave me the power I thought I would loose. I felt empowered by being honest with myself! Coming full circle is what leads us to our North node. Finally able to embrace the negative inside yourself encourages you to be better. My soul craves unity and a solid foundation in a relationship. In order to build solid foundations we must first start within. Going into a relationship without a solid foundation within yourself is like building a house on quick sand! As soon as reality hits and issues arise as they will everything will fall apart!

Find the courage to spend time in solitary. Ask your self honest questions like "would I marry me"? Spending a season of your life alone could be just what GOD wants to take you to the next level. At the next level there will many opportunities that wait for your arrival! Next will be Mastering The Art of Being Alone pt2.