Many years ago I began to read self-help books. It all started from my desire for a whole and healthy lifestyle. I was born into addiction, neglect, self-hate, pain, and confusion. We see children that comes from these environments everyday. You may have been that child. These are the kids who are not supposed to make it. Well, at least there not expected too. I was that child! To prove the enemy wrong I wanted to work on my inner wombs. I began to go to counseling when I was 25. Being my second counselor, GOD being my first I knew that I had a responsibility to myself to develop independently of actual counseling sessions. So I would go to counseling once a week. Sometimes only three times a month. My counselor told me in only after three months of counseling I have made the most improvements of anyone she had counseled. That touched my heart. I confided in her and said the reason was simple. I have to go home and apply these new lessons. So I read so many things to make this new lifestyle workable for me. I fell completely in LOVE with O magazine. My BELOVED childhood favorite magazine Essence was my go to guide for image and social well being. And I read books heavy! All this new info was great for my personal development. But my issue was that everyone had the "right" answers. I wanted so bad to be "right" and "do the right thing". I would have nervous break downs because I began to have information over load.
We are a well informed generation. The access we have today our ancestors only could dream of them. They worked over time so our lives can be what they are today. Thank GOD for our ancestors. But what I find interesting is our foremothers and fathers had far less information, but appeared to have better lives. Why? Because they went by their best source. GOD first and then themselves. In 2010 we are said to be the most intelligent generation in history. So why is it we lack so much insight within ourselves? I believe we allow to many outside factors to determine what it is we think and feel. Instead of going to the place inside us that will never lead us astray.
After being so well informed on all of my personal concerns I began to realize I was ahead of the curve. I studied this information and had the courage to apply it to my life. I felt sure of myself for the first time in my whole life. But as soon as I read something that contradicted what I feel personally all my little confidence would go out the window. I did not want to be the girl who was closed minded and therefore misses out on her blessings in life. Struggling to find my way, my spirit spoke to me and said REST! Be still, stop talking, stop reading, and be STILL!
My twin sister is my best friend. I call her when I feel confused, sad, happy, or for nothing at all. I read to my sister these "truths" I get from various places and she laughs. She is not as well read as I am . But she has figured out what I was searching these books for. Stop allowing these people who do not know you personally to dictate your life,she tells me. She would say they do not know your story, what you come from so how in the hell can they tell you who you should or should not date?! I had to laugh as well because it is true. The LORD knows my heart. He knows that I only seek the best for my mate. My future mate may not fit the package that society deems acceptable, but if he is what my soul desires I will follow my heart. Does that make me wrong or them right? NO! It means that I am a grown woman and need to act like one!
Getting informed is key to understanding who we are. It is necessary to better our lives. But what we must not forget that we are our own teachers. We are our own life managers. We are our own life coaches, ministers, and friend. We have to treat ourself as such. It's ok to be wrong! Learn and move on. But if we strive to always be right, we are just as bad as being wrong because either way you learn nothing. Isn't that the whole reason behind getting the information is to learn something new? Be in constant position to learn, to grow, to be more and more of who GOD created you to be everyday. Wither learning is through, reading, taking a class, or going to counseling. In the process do not loose who you are!
Thanks I really needed that and it was right on time. And your sister was right on point!!! I am also an avid reader and I read EVERYTHING. About 20 minutes ago I stopped reading Hill Harper's book, not because it was bad but because it was stuff I already knew. I believe I am very self-aware of who I am what I want and where I want to go in my life. I did not feel as if the book added anything to who I am now. Don't get me wrong it was a lot of good information and I recommend it for anyone to read but it just was not it for me. I know what to do and how to do it but it does not mean anything if I am the only person who knows. Reading the book doesn't help me if the people I surround myself with don't know anything (if that makes any sense)
ReplyDeleteI guess I am really relaying it to the men I date. I am aware of who I am what I want and my sexuality but if the man I am dating is having hang-ups about himself then what can I do about that.(I am not trying to make it all seem about men that was just my most recent example since I was reading the book)
But I so strongly agree with what you are saying. We have to stop basing who we are on these books. These people don't know us. Like you said we are our best teachers. It is good to read these books, but don't put so much of who you are and what you read into the books. I think that is where a lot of us "self-help" readers get lost.
Either way I put that book down and when and grabbed a fiction off my bookshelf. My brain needed a break.
Thank you Stacy! This was on my heart today and I had to write about it. You are dead on sis!!! Hill Harpers book helped me confirm things for me. I already knew who I was reading it as well. But I learned different points of views from a man's perpective. So it was more for me to know I was on the right path. I have read books three years after I got them and thank GOD because I was in a space mentally where the information could be applied to my life at the time.
ReplyDeleteMy sister is visiting me right now and we talked about this again. My sister said exactly what you explained, how we are doing so much improvements and men aren't. There seems to be many man who are ego driven who think we have to keep catering to them. My thing is I pray that men work on their personal development as well. I believe we cater to women development for too long and again men fall behind. I agree with you 100%. What GOD told me is that when we take care of ourselves we will natuarally attract someone who does as well. I believe that we attract who we are. So the men who come into our lives should reflect we are as women. And if I attract a man who I think is just bad people lol, I look at what I gave off. At times it's just I was not more selective.
Yes, us selp-help folk constantly seek more and more truth when we have so much already. Its our season to give what we know. We can still learn that way too:) I am glad you took that break too. I am starting watch tv again lol.