Are You Kind To Yourself?

"We somehow believe that if we hate ourselves enough, if we shame ourselves enough, we'll end up thin, happy, peaceful people," says Geneen Roth Author of WOMEN FOOD and GOD. "Somehow if I torture myself enough, I'll end up feeling great about myself and about my life, as if hatred leads to love and torture leads to contentment," says Geneen Roth. As crazy as that sounds, Geneen Roth makes a point about women mental and emotional reasoning for not being kind to ourselves. Saying things like I hate my arms, I hate my thighs, just leads to other problems instead of helping them. When we say things to ourselves like "you are a pig, all you think about is food". Or "Look at her hips they are nice, I hate my hips, hers are perfect". It is not a coincidence that positive out comes do not happen in our lives. Torturing ourselves does not lead to a healthy life. When we are kind to ourselves we are giving ourself permission to be who we are. Accepting the things we like about ourselves and what we do not.

Coming from a family of drugs addicts and alcoholics I did not learn about healthy choices. I was taught to abandon who I am for everyone else. When life gets too hard retrieve to your shell. Do not communicate about your problems. There was no healing, just years and years of abuse and neglect. So self hate was the common thread in my house hold. Hating how you looked was minor. It was bigger things like hating your dad. Wishing GOD gave you someone else's mom. Feeling gulity for being angry that your grandparents ignore you. My grandparents had bigger issues to deal with, like years and years of abuse and neglect. So having destructive behavior was a pattern in my household. My grandparents had to raise four kids that their child had abandoned. I felt it was my fault. So the self hate began.

Putting others before me was expected. Wanting more out of life was seen as selfish. So being nice was a comfortable role for me. I was accepted. I was liked. I was apart of a group of people I admired. If I am nice they would like me, they will be my friend, I thought. From childhood I never felt LOVED or accepted for me. Not getting attention at home I felt a constant need to seek outside approval. That's my Aha moment as Oprah says. Being me was not good enough. Not good enough for my parents. Not good enough for anyone else either. The only way I am good enough is when I am sweet nice Tasha. Bending over backwards to please everyone and neglecting myself. I was taught my life is not my own. You have no power. So the only thing I could control was what I ate. It felt good and that was a feeling I was not used to.

Working through my childhood issues for the last nine years I have learned many things. I learned about neglect and abuse. Years of me saying that I was not affected by my parents not raising me was a lie. Being kind to myself means to me owning up to how I feel. I no longer put others before myself. I learned to speak my truth even if I am the only one who believes it! When we say that what we feel does not matter, we are chipping away at our self worth. We are saying we do not matter. That's is where hate lives. The name calling begins. A cycle of abuse and neglect. I told myself the the generational curse of my family stops with me! I will give myself the same LOVE I give to others. I am still sweet Tasha. But I have learned that because I am in a bad mood today, or that I want a piece of cake does not make me the worst person in the world. After all that is what I would say to someone else.

I missed Geneen Roth when she was on Oprah last week, but I read her article on Oprah.com(link attached when click on title). She feels women have a tough time meeting their weight loss goals due to the self hatred they have with themselves. Our emotional trauma from some point in our lives triggers us to eat. I agree with this sentiment. Because it is not the food the feels good but the fact that it is something that gives me pleasure is my addiction. The pleasure of food makes me feel LOVED. Accepted for who I am. Finding this out just today has helped me towards the life I dream of losing extra weight for life. Oprah opened up about how her childhood trauma is the reason for her trigger to eat. I believe the things that happen to us as children effects us as adults. It ought to be our mission in life to see why we are not kind to ourselves. What is the reason we are not living our best lives.