“Everybody Needs a Husband”

The title is a quote taken from the movie "Eat Pray LOVE". While watching this movie I cried within the first five minutes of the movie! You know as the saying goes "art inmate's life". And in the case of this movie that saying rings true. Traveling across the globe Julia Roberts's character finds the courage to dig deep and go on this journey alone; still she is constantly reminded of how much she needs a man. One line that jumped out was when a character who was obsessed with the idea of marriage said to Julia Roberts's character "Everybody needs a husband".

 

I was thinking in my head what Julia Roberts character said out loud "I am tired of everybody saying I need a man". From the end of last year into this year that is all I have heard. I have heard "go out and meet a guy", "You look so nice I know you are not going home", or my favorite "You are single because you are always at home". And like Julie Roberts character I tell them "I am tired of everybody saying I need a man".

 

To me it seems that everyone is more concerned with me being single than I am. My guess is that there are several reasons. I believe too many men and women are co-dependent on relationships. Of course everyone deserves LOVE. I have believed this in my entire being sense I was a little girl. My concern is when LOVE is no longer a choice, but when it is used to fill a void.

 

I grew up in a co-dependent house hold. I first heard the term co-dependency from my recovering drug addicted step mom. She met my dad in AA (Alcohol Anonymous) and they fell in LOVE. Years later she would go through her healing and she understood where the addict's behavior came from. She would say co-dependency is more than drugs or alcohol, but it can also be people or things too. That's when it hit me, I was co-dependent. My co-dependency pattern was developed by my parents. I had addicts on both sides of my family being my mother, father, and grandmother. I have seen things taken away such as, a house, cars, money, and many people. Afraid of losing something I clanged to everything and everyone. When I became an adult I realized this was a problem.

 

When I went back to Oklahoma during my junior year in college my twin sister and friends came to see me twice. I went to college only 30 minutes away from my hometown! I was heartbroken! In the past everywhere I went my twin was with me. And everywhere she went I was right there too. Then life happened. She fell in LOVE and had children. Being by myself for the first time I felt alone. Tired of being the victim I dealt with that co-dependency demon once in for all. Years of going to counseling and reading tons of books related to breaking bondages I was finally healed. Now only to be reminded every day I still need someone in my life to feel good about my worth.

 

This is where I get confused. Why encourage co-dependency? I would meet many women who after their husbands left them they had nothing! They were forced to start over with their children. I vowed that would never be me! So I chose to follow GOD and not a man. That seems odd in this day in time, but I needed to cleanse myself of everything that would make me relapse. In the process I learned who I am and what my purpose on earth is. Similar to the lead character in "Eat Pray LOVE", I had to be alone to find my way.

 

Yes, I have come full circle and I know that I indeed need a husband! Yes, LAWD!!! But in order to have a healthy balanced relationship we have to live our lives our way without being co-dependent on anyone. No one will understand the vision GOD has for you but YOU! Stop trying to convince others of your purpose and live it! Have the courage to walk away from what's not working in your life and you will soon walk into what will. The man you pray for, that job, better health will come your way but you have to be prepared to receive it.

 

Needing a man is natural. Coming from someone who has been abandoned by men my whole life it has taken healing for me to feel that way. I have major control issues because I had to learn to protect myself. Now depending on someone to protect me is no easy lesson. Will he abandon me like my father? Will I abandon myself like my grandmother? Will I abandon myself worth like my mother? Those fears constantly haunt me as I open my heart to LOVE. Just months ago I would have said I am not interested in a relationship. GOD has softened my heart. So I finally understand the importance of needing a husband, but I will never understand why as a society that's all we are encouraged to look forward too.