I Am My Mother’s Daughter

I do not know what your history is. My history is of heartbreak and brokenness. My mother gave birth to twin girls at 16 years old. She never raised us a day in her entire life. About the time I was in elementary school my mother and my grandmother where "functioning" alcoholics. My grandmother worked, took care of my mother's children all while being drunk. So imagine the relationship with my mother and grandmother growing up. The constant power struggles, broken promises, lack of affection, and lots of finger pointing. There was chaos and lots of pain in my household. That is who I am. That is what I come from. As much as I want to distant myself from my mother I know I am my mother's daughter.

 

When we look at our mothers we are quick to point out their flaws. We are quick to say that we would never be like them. Well, too late! You are your mother's daughter. There is a genetic linking between a mother and a child at birth. Whatever our mother felt during the time of pregnancy until birth will be rooted deep inside of us. The joy, the happiness, the LOVE, the peace will be deeply rooted in our being. The flip side of that truth is the pain, anger, fear, hate, and inner war will be deeply seated in our being as well.

 

Growing up fast, my mother would have kids at 16. When I was born I was conceived through fear, shame, confusion, lust, pain, abandonment issues, man problems, stubbornness, and rebellion. My mother's baggage became my own. All of the LOVE and joy GOD gave to me from the womb was stripped away from me the moment the doctor said "push".

 

If you would have asked me at 15 if I was anything like my mother I would have had said hell no! As a matter of fact I did everything in my power to be the exact opposite. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I am a virgin, and I graduated from college. I made it my personal mission to break our family curse. What I did not know was my curse was deeper than I thought. My own fear of success, of committing to a relationship comes from my mother. The shame and guilt for speaking up for me came from my mother. The addiction came from my mother. For me it is an addiction of food. Or anything that gives me pleasure. In order to become better we have to first know something is wrong. One day I woke up and I felt something is wrong.

 

This feeling was no longer about my mother, it was about me. I seen the patterns and wanted help right away. I no longer wanted to hate my mother, I wanted to heal. By me trying to be "perfect" made me miss the lesson. The lesson is that I am like my mother and that is ok. You are like your mother and that is ok. Breathe. Our mother's are a part of who we are. To disconnect from them means we are not connected to ourselves. This is why the world is so unbalanced and the crime rate is high. There are too many children disconnected from their mommies. They grow up to be adults who are disconnected as well. And when that woman then has children the cycle continues until she decides it stops with me!

Accepting your mother does not mean accepting the problem, it means releasing the control the problem has over you! It's making peace with your past, so you may have a brighter future. Your children now have a chance at a healthier life because they will not be born into the same confusion you were. For those who have peace with their mothers GOD bless you. For you already know the secret to a balanced life. Pray for the rest of your sister friends to get there as well.