Is It Really Acceptable To Be Different?

It is a natural instinct to want to fit in. Human desire is to feel accepted and LOVED unconditionally. The constant need of approval gets the best of us. At times that desire comes at a high cost. We ignore what our soul desires, and allow fear to lead us. Because of fear of rejection we give in, we give up, we find ourselves living for everyone else except ourselves. Really it is understandable, who wants to feel rejection? Not me! Even though I know the truth is we are not rejected when we accpet ourselves. But I am human. So at times it feels easier to swallow our pride and be like everyone else.

Being different is what most people say is an admirable trait for someone to have. You know, being yourself is what will make people like you in the end. But so many people do not support individuals who have the courage to stand out and be different. Look at our society for example. If you are gay, a minority (race or gender)or a different religion you have to constantly prove that you are still great inspite of your differences. Why is it so tough for some of us to support someone whose life isn't what would work for us? Is it fear? Control issues? In order to bring healing to our world we have to deal with these very areas that divide us. Being open to everyone differences takes growth. For me personally it is a Christ-like quality.

Deciding to be a virgin in 2010 is looked down on. When I let someone know that I am waiting for marriage I get so many crazy questions and understandably so. I am different. I get flooded with questions like, why would you wait? It's 2010, things are so different now than they were back in the Bible days. Would if he(husband) is not good in bed? Or my favorite, are you sure you can wait until marriage? I answer all of the questions honestly, and sincere. But deep down inside I feel like it is sad that I am looked down upon because I had the courage to stand up for what I believe in!

LOVE means acceptance. Accepting others for who they are and not what we want them to be. Acceptance is what we yearn for at the core of our beings. That's OK. Watching MTV last night I was brought to tears watching a show called "If You Knew Me". Everyone at this Highschool from staff to students said things about themselves that no one knew. Imagine the fear that ran through them as they spoke their personal truths. As they told their story. What touched me the most was when a young boy at 16 spoke about being gay and his parents said that he will go to hell. All of the young people around him cried and showed support. Probably the most support he has ever had his whole life! In that moment being different was OK. He was himself, he was free!

Really, we are not as different as our ego wants us to believe. Yes, we are individuals with our own stories and past. But we all want to know that inspite of who we are their is someone who will say it's OK. It's OK to be you. Unique and whole. As your are. Special in GOD eyes and mine. How did that make you feel reading that? The next time you feel like your not LOVED, remember the best way to get LOVE is to show it to someone else!

Wait Or Not To Wait, That Is The Question?!

Abstinence is something that I am passionate about. The debate on whether to wait or not wait for sex has divided many people. You either have the safe sex folks or the good old fashion Christians who preach purity rings and such. The balance between the two is often left out. Why don't we teach sexuality and not just abstinence? Would if self awareness and LOVE was taught and not, well just safe sex? If someone is going to wait to have sex they ought to know why, just like the person who chooses to have pre-martial sex. The real issues is not the sex, but the conditions in which we are having sex. Often times than not young girls do not even enjoy sex. Women do not even learn their bodies til much later because they are not being taught. My question is if we are not enjoying sex, why are we having it? If we are honest, people who had sex at young ages did not even know what they were doing. So sex seems to be done out of fear of being judged and left out. Funny because that is exactly why many young people choose to not have sex as well.

So, wait to have sex? At 19 I asked myself that very question. I decided that I would wait until I fell in LOVE with a man and he would be my first. Interestingly enough 13 years later I have yet to fall in LOVE. Yep, I am a 32 year old virgin. GOD had the final say. My purpose was and still is to live for him and wait to have sex until marriage. My mission and purpose is to help people to rethink Christianity, being a virgin, sexuality, to promote healing, well being and emotional strength. Until my death that is what I am here to do.

Embracing my calling as you can imagine was no easy task. At one point I was self righteous. I had to humble myself because no one wanted to be around me. I was holier than thou. Always wanting to be right. Playing GOD instead of living through him. I had a lot to learn.

See I did not miss sex at first. The reason was I was disconnected from my body. That's right. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally dead. No vision, no purpose. But I did not know! My ego lead me to believe I knew everything. I then realized what looked right for someone else may not look the same for me. That's OK. When I opened my eyes to what GOD wanted me to be, which was more compassionate, understanding and supportive to my brothers and sisters I asked GOD to forgive me. I was ready to start my journey. This time I was ready.

Jesus is what my friends affectionately call me. Everyone close to me knows how serious I am about the Lord. See I stopped going around preaching what to do, I began to live it! I believe our lives is our biggest ministry. So I use it wisely. With that said, I am not perfect or strive to be. I am a sexual being, made in the image of Christ. I was created for my husband and him for me. My desire and longing for him was from birth. Trying to repress sex is not healthy. I did not always know this.

In order to be a virgin it has been taught to cut off any sexual desires. So that is what I did for years. This is the opposite extreme of having sex with multiple men. Neither is healthy. Having multiple partners before marriage to me is emotional suicide. Having different men entering inside of me, releasing and then saying goodbye? How do I cut off my emotions? How do I not feel bad for wanting him to stay with me? I don't know? That's why I am a virgin. Yes, I can disconnect with the best of them, that is not healthy either. Waiting for marriage is putting what's best before what's good at the time. It's saying I want to have a partner to give himself to me and me only for the rest of our lives.

I know you maybe thinking, how do you know if someone is great in bed or not if you do not have sex? Here is how. Kissing. Yes, a man can tell you a lot by how he kisses, honey. Fast or slow. Tongue or no tongue. Even the way he holds you will let you know if he is gentle. Intimacy can be massages with oil, feeding each other dinner, long walks and good conversation. You do not have to have sex with a man to know if he is good in bed. I know most people disagree, but how many people had a feeling that someone was not going to be good in bed before having sex with them? Then deciding to have sex and was disappointed and wished you would had followed their heart?

What about the car test theory? You know the one where everyone says you have to test drive your car before you buy it? I don't know about you but I don't have to test drive a C Class 2010 Benz(sedan to be exact) to know I want to take it home with me! Driving the car would make me want it more even if I can't afford it! Lusting for the car I test drive it, take it home and then I am emotionally drained by the high car payments.

My point is you don't have to "test drive" to know if you would like having sex or not. It is called chemistry! If two people have great chemistry then they can work TOGETHER on what does not work. Chemistry means both have the same values, sexual taste, music etc. in common. This will let you know if you are not compatible than test driving would just be another emotionally draining experience.

Being a virgin is and will always be a difficult choice. I will not say it is easy. So I gain strength by having a better relationship with myself and GOD. I began to study for myself. I learned that masturbation is not forbidden in the Bible at all. Yes, I know. So I began to masturbate. I needed an outlet sexually. After connecting to GOD I no longer felt guilty. I finally owned my body and know what I like and don't like. What touches are good and bad. I practice tantra yoga, which helps me to channel my sexual energies. I also explore through sex toys and different healthy ways to channel my sexuality. My theory is if you stay ready you don't have to get ready. I do not want a man who is not comfortable with his sexuality so why would I be? Being comfortable with our sexuality is a birth right! My sexual desires for my husband was put inside of me on purpose. Those are signs that I am not meant to be alone. I do need a man and he also needs me.

Born again virgin? Never had sex? Waiting for marriage? Having sex when you fall in LOVE? Having sex when you want to? Sex is an important part of our everyday life. Deciding what is best for you is personal. It is not my place to judge. As adults we have to know why we choose to have sex. We can not have the emotional maturity of a teenager and not know who we are or what we are doing! If you want to wait to have sex do it! Have the courage to live the life that you know GOD has called for you. As a friend told me, when you live for Jesus everything will go your way!!