Personality: The Desire to Be Liked pt1

Two weeks ago I went to visit my surgeon’s office for the first time. I was extremely nervous because I did not know what to expect. Sense I was 13 I have had large breast. Finally I have great insurance coverage and if I was approved by my surgeon I would not pay a dime! When the doctor greeted me his hand shake was weak and he instantly started talking about my weight. I was shocked and hurt. He then grabbed my boobs, took pictures of them and shortly after left the room. After the hurtful visit I left heartbroken wondering if I ought to find a new surgeon. Already emotionally spent I said to myself, does his personality really matter if he will do a great job on my breast reduction?

This question I bounced around for days as I was carrying the wounds from my surgeon’s not so kind words in my head and heart. As I talked to family, friends and co-workers about getting a new surgeon I received mixed reviews. “Girl forget him and get another surgeon. He does not have good bedside manner.” Another comment was “You need to look into getting a different surgeon and see what would be the process cause I would not let that man touch my body. GOD is trying to teach you patience”. The comments that my spirit agreed with was “Tash you know how long you wanted this surgery, keep the doctor and afterwards tell him he was a jerk”. My sis said “How much more patient do you have to be to find a new doctor? You only been waiting sense you were 13”!

After prayer and meditation I came to the decision to stay. As time went by I soon forgot about the hurtful words and his lack of good bedside manner. I remember the women who referred me to him as she said he is a “perfectionist” so of course he would expect me be “perfect”. What I also kept in mind is after ten years have passed sense she had surgery she said he was excellent! So the mature and more aware Natasha said I don’t care about his personality as long as he can do his job!

When I left the doctor’s office I asked “Do you think my insurance will cover it”? “I don’t know” he said shortly after. “It could take 4-6 weeks to find out", he continued. My heart sank. I now have to wait another month in a half? My goal was to complete the surgery before the school year. I knew in my heart that the doctor would write a great letter of recommendation to my insurance company and he did! Not because he “liked me” but because he is great at what he does. Two weeks later I get a call that my insurance approved the surgery at 100% of the cost. Sure I would have liked to have a surgeon who was warm and connected, but for me personality no longer matters. I feel if you do your job good you are okay with me!

Where Are You Channeling Your Energy?

I began my weight loss journey several months ago. My energy level was high when I first began. I worked out regularly, ate healthy and began working towards getting to bed on time. Then I hit a dead spot. I felt drained often. I had intense cravings for sweets and fried foods. My energy went from my personal health to what I am not doing right, my to-do list, and why I'm not able to get any rest at night. Goals I made for school did not go through. I felt the pressures of advancing my career and then the added pressure from my current career. Always feeling tired I knew something had to give. I had to focus on where I was channeling my energy.

As the seasons changed I noticed I did as well. Being self-aware I noticed I did not feel my normal energetic, positive self. Then the guilt set in. Then anxiety set in. All energy zappers! I began to crave sweets and I put off working out for one week that eventually ended up being almost a month. Exercise and diet are factors in having a well balanced life. Stop fighting the universe and align with it! The Law of attraction states that we will receive abundant living when we practice abundant living. In short, you get back what you put out. It is that simple. If you want a great body and healthy skin what are you doing to receive that? How much time do you invest in your personal well being? Where are you channeling your energy?

Your beliefs form your reality. You do not like your reality? Change your beliefs. To help shape my beliefs I placed affirmations on my mirror in my bathroom. Every time I look in the mirror I will be reminded of my personal truth. Do you have a favorite quote or an affirmation that helps you when you are not feeling your best? Post that on your mirror, door, wall, or refrigerator, whatever you know you will look at throughout the day. Our mind is a very powerful energy source for the bible says in Proverbs 23:7 (NASV) For as he thinks within himself, so he is.

Our spiritual well being helps us get through low energy times. An active prayer life and just making time for relaxation helps to renew the spirit and give us new found energy. I have gotten back in the word like I did several years ago as I was searching for my personal truth. I now study the word to nurture my soul. The life principles in the Bible give me insight on how to live my life day to day. I put my energy in being a child of GOD, a Christian whose life is a reflection of Christ's LOVE. Instead of always striving to be perfect, I have found peace with just being me. My focus has shifted from always being about my future to living each moment fulfilled day to day. I will continue to put my energy into activities I enjoy and will energize me. I will not go to places or spend time with people who zap my energy. When I want to stay home and rest on the weekends I honor that. Set your intentions to practice better habits of meditation, prayer, tasty healthy meals, getting rest and a desire to exercise. For what you put your energy into will manifest in your life!

Making A Difference In Our Own Lives!

How much do you give to yourself? Honestly? How much time and energy do you put into, say getting dressed in the morning? How much time do you put into creating something for you to eat at home? The truth is even when we know that taking time for ourselves is important, we simply don't do it! Yep, we get up and think about what to do at work, what a friend or family member needs. We cram our schedules with charity work or events and by the end of the day we are wore out!

In this season of my life I am focused on a few things. My first concern is my money. I will have my car paid off next year! Praise Jehovah!!! That will give me extra money and lots of breathing room. I am getting my passport ready now:) I do not want to just save my money, but to be able to do things I always wanted to do but could not afford it. Saving and investments is my main focus for 2010 and beyond!

The second thing is my health. I have been chunky my whole life. I wrote about that before. Healing is still a everyday task. To say I feel good about myself is one thing. To believe it is another. With so many images with women who look nothing like me, it is challenging to feel good about who I am. I constantly work on my image issues. I have learned that the best way to work on my image issues is accept what I can't control and to have the courage to work on what I can. So losing up to 50lbs is my goal. Sense the last time I blogged about wanting to loose weight I have lost 16lbs!!! The last month has been tough so I gained 4lbs. This week I am back on my grind. GOD knows this is the toughest thing I have had to do. My health is what is most important to me, not just my weight. Our self image is apart of our health. If we do not have a healthy view of who we are, we will never get the weight off and keep it off. It is deeper than self LOVE, it is acceptance. I am who I am. But I know that I am not happy with how I look and I am working on it! Low self esteem no more!

My third goal is working toward my certification. I currently work for Head Start. I LOVE what Head Start does for children and families. As a teacher I am over worked and under paid. The school is year round and I feel I never get a mental break. Putting myself first, I am working toward a better place not just financially but mentally and spiritually as well. I want to be a certified teacher so I can work in the public school. My goal was to work in the public school when I went to college. Due to not passing the Praxis on the first try I decided to work for Head Start. I have gotten a great advantage or Head Start (pun intended) while working for Head Start right out of college. I have great classroom experience and now I need the certification. In the next few weeks I will get a transcript evaluation and go from there. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go forward on my journey. Thank you!

Lastly, Rest is so important. Still, we often over look how important rest is when it comes to good health. Doctors have proven that people who get plenty of rest are less like for health issues. Yet, we stay up late and wake up early everyday as we are off to work. My vow is to get in bed by 10:30pm every night. Right now I am more like 12 ish and finally fall asleep about 1am! I know I am not alone. I wake up at 7:30 am. It never fails I go to bed around 12am and wake up around 7:45 ish rushing to head out the door. Not very healthy I know.

Today I am making a difference in my own life! I will take better care of myself. I ask that you vow to do the same. What have you been putting off this year? Want to start that new business? Vacation overseas? Go for it! Put your self first! Neglect is damaging to the soul. We tell ourselves that someones life takes value over our own. That is not true! You matter. You are important. When we begin to make a difference in our own life, unconsciously we are making a difference in others.