The Incurable Romantic

The mystery of the romantic: who are we? The Romantics or also called The Lover have been defined as people who live on their own terms. Think Amy Winehouse. We long to be loved and we have a yearning for connection. Romantics have a tough time finding their way due to being overwhelmed with emotions, deep emotions that make them vulnerable to heartbreak. Romantics are mostly known as artist, writers, musicians, dancers, and entertainers who create through heartbreak, passion, a longing for a soul mate, and a place to call home. Lovers see themselves as special and different from the rest of the world. We recognize that the world is dark and we enjoy people, the ones who will gladly bring light! That light comes in the form of love, and of course us romantics love, love, love, the art of love.

The knight and shining armor is the type of man I have longed for since I was a little girl. My deepest secret was I wanted to be rescued. When I turn 18, I would say to myself at 8 years old; my soul mate will come and take me to a place where I would hurt no more. What many don’t know about romantics is that they have troubled childhoods. They have been abandoned by their parents as children. Romantics have been abandoned in many forms by a parent or guardian who has either over worked, emotionally unavailable, or in my case literally abandoned them. The loss of the parent leaves the romantic feeling hopeless, pining for a lost connection that has been missing as long as they have been alive (Sandra Maitri). The pain engulfs you. Not feeling good enough haunts you. Why did my mom and dad leave me? Wasn’t I worthy to be loved? I have asked that question many of times. A romantic may spend their whole lifetime trying to fill that void. A void that can be filled by accepting the Self as you are, which is a constant struggle for a romantic. I am an idealist, believing I have to be perfect. In my head I have to be this perfect image and sabotaging my love life in the process. I long and want to be in love so bad, but will not enter a relationship until I “fix” my flaws. The suffering is what we know and often what we cling to! And numbing the pain by shopping, sex, over pleasing, isolation, drugs, and foods especially sweets. To become whole the romantic must accept that they are human and it’s okay to have flaws like everyone else! That we like everyone else deserves to be loved too.

Toni Wolf, a Freudian analyst came up with the feminine types of women. These many archetypes help look at the romantic at a deeper level. I am Aphrodite; Goddess of love and Hetaria; Women who were educated to be psychological companions to men. The Hetaria is able to see into the soul and depths of a man and not the social personality. Some definitions see the Hetaria as a prostitute when she was a lover. These archetypes are said to express their femininity with beauty, hair, clothes, enjoying life to the fullest, fine dining and of course, men! Like Hetaria and Aphrodite I identify with my feminine side and that is how I express myself in the world. I love the idea of love. I love the feeling of love. I love life! I am very sensitive, vulnerable and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am bold, passionate and live on my own terms. I am no longer afraid to express fear, sadness and loneliness, for I am all of these things. I live for Sex and The City reruns. I am an avid romantic comedy fan but also love gangster/mob/street themed movies and TV shows. Through dark I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I always believe in a better day. Drowning in sorrow, that’s the only way to get me to the next day, hell, the next moment! People don’t get us. You need to be realistic they say. There is no such thing as unconditional love. Well, after all the heartache the romantic has endured and can still believe, then surely you can too.

Music Mondays: Luther Vandross - Anyone Who Had a Heart.

“Anyone who had a heart/ Would take me in her arms/ And love me too”. I heard those lyrics when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I found an old tape that my Grandparents owned and I was going to put paper inside the wholes at the top and record over it. Y’all remember recording over your parents tapes? I am still paying them back for it. Well, I pushed play and I heard a sweet voice; it was Luther Vandross! It was love at first sound. What touched me as a child were love songs, lyrics of love, pain, longing, yearning, and joy. What I now understand is that is the heart of a romantic. Romantic or The Lover, I was too young to understand this pull on my subconscious, but there I was listening to this sad love song. It reminded me of my personal life. How could my parents say they love me and leave? “You couldn’t really have a heart and hurt me like you hurt me and be so untrue”, as Lutha says. So the longing began. The need to be recused and fantasy flooded my mind of a better day and the perfect love. Love songs allowed me to escape a deeply emotional, scared, sad, and abandoned childhood. Of course I had wonderful Grandparents who raised me and I wouldn’t change my life experience for the world. But that’s not what this is about. This is the truth. My love story, not censored. My love story is a story about pain and redemption; to be whole, broken, and whole again.

To understand the life of the romantic you have to first go into their childhood. You have to look at the lover’s first heart break, the feeling of loss and despair. How could someone who loves love be so sad? It’s the complexity of the romantic. But also a beautiful reflection of life itself! To fully love life we have to learn to embrace both good and bad. To be fulfilled as human beings we must see our dark/shadow and light within ourselves. Being able to accept this paradox is what makes us whole!

When you listen to “Anyone Who Has a Heart” you enter the life of a true romantic. “Knowing I love you so” Luther sings. To still love and commit to a relationship that is damaging to your soul. To be able to let go, a constant struggle for the romantic! The hurt and abandoned that sums up the lyrics at the end of the song, “No one is going to make you feel the way I do”. My goodness… Below is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite singers. Enjoy!

Music Mondays: Whitney Houston - The First Noel and Joy To The World

To share a light and love this Christmas season I wanted to share my favorites from Whitney Houston. The reason for the season is the birth of Jesus Christ. So here are two songs that highlight this blessing! Enjoy...

Music Mondays: Donny Hathaway - This Christmas and The Jackson 5 - Give Love On Christmas Day

In 1991 I discovered records. Now, my Grandmother collected records before I was born and I seen them in our home throughout my childhood. But up until I was 13 I had no desire to listen to records. The Christmas season arrived and my Grandmother went into her collection and played her records. I remember hearing Donny Hathaway for the first time, then she played the Jackson 5 and I was excited to hear Michael Jackson as a kid. When everyone was tired of hearing Christmas songs I would sit in front of the stereo with my Grandfathers headphones on and listen to music over and over. So when I hear The Jackson 5 Christmas or Donny Hathaway my childhood flashes before me. Today I wanted to share my favorite Christmas songs with you. I hope to share a little Holiday cheer! Enjoy….

A Scorpio Knows

Happy Birthday to all my beloved Scorpios!!! Yes, this is Scorpio Season…All Sexy Everything! To celebrate the last day of Scorpio season I wanted to do something in honor of my 36th birthday. Yes, you read that right; I turned 36 October 23rd. I cannot believe it. Where did all the time go? I remember living in my grandparents’ home dreaming of the day I was old enough to move out and could afford to live on my own. I am so grateful to be in the space I am now, learning, growing every day. This year I continue to transition. And while the process has been challenging; I know the person I am becoming makes it worth it. My perspective about life has changed tremendously and I learned some awesome things along the way. So I want to share with you 36 things I have learned at the tender age of 36! There is beauty in growing old. You get to learn some pretty cool things along the way. Please comment about what you learned thus far on your journey. I would love to know.


1. Always be aware.
2. It’s not always about you.
3. Being kind brings its own rewards.
4. Don’t wait for things to get “better” to praise God.
5. My Faith is all I have.
6. Peace of mind is everything!
7. It’s okay to say I don’t know.
8. It’s okay to say I messed up.
9. Being happy is so much more fulfilling than being right.
10. Put your time and energy in people who always put the same into you.
11. Nurture your relationships.
12. A romantic relationship is not the only way to experience Love.
13. Being alone to heal is so worth it.
14. Go to therapy.
15. Honor your feelings.
16. Don’t take everything so seriously.
17. Stay true to YOUR vision even if it means standing alone.
18. It’s okay being soft and sweet (I hear guys dig that stuff).
19. Say no.
20. Don’t be different for the sake of, but do what works for you.
21. Everyone won’t support your dreams.
22. Never give up.
23. Know when it’s time to quit.
24. Every once in a while take a risk.
25. Don’t be afraid of being by yourself.
26. Do something nice for YOU.
27. Be an example.
28. There is a Spiritual element to Love.
29. What you put out into the world will always come back to you. Good or bad.
30. Speak of what it is you WANT not of what you DON’T WANT.
31. The only person you can change is yourself.
32. Let go!
33. Love heals.
34. Save.
35. You can approach him first.
36. Sometimes not having a “plan” is the best “plan”.

Music Mondays: The Foreign Exchange - On A Day Like Today

“On A Day Like Today” by Foreign Exchange is close to my heart for several reasons. I won’t bore you with all the reasons, but will share a couple. I have never been in love before. Not the romantic type of love. And at 36 I thought I would be married with children by now. Life does not go as we plan and that’s okay too. If just for today I let go of all my expectations. If I just allow life to unfold as it will. That is scary, I always had a “plan”. But as Phonte sings, "Today I am going to try something new".

For years I have “worked” so hard on trying to have it all together. On my journey I find myself letting go. I finally accepted I won’t have it all together. Pause….breathe….and it’s okay. Perfection only lives in my mind. I wanted the perfect relationship. I wanted to court, get married, THEN move in together (build our own home of course) and have children. It’s okay to have a dream about your ideal relationship, but what I never made room for was life to happen. As Phonte wisely sings, “Get out the way of your happiness/ Let go of all you know is not true”.

“On A Day Like Today” is one of my favorite songs. It is a mid tempo song with an 80’s feel. It a perfect song for a sunny Fall day! And I love how Phonte fades out the song with the lyrics he sings at the start of the song. There is nothing greater than a love song! A song you can jam to and lyrics that can heal a broken Spirit. A healthy love is the goal. I will no longer be obsessed about the process. What I don’t learn while I am single, I will learn God willing when I’m in a relationship. My obsession with trying to have it together was my wall. That wall kept romantic love out of my life that did not meet my high expectations. On a day like today I will change my point of view. Now with a new outlook on life my prayer is that I will find my way to you. Enjoy…

Music Mondays: The Internet - You Don't Even Know ft Tay Walker

To stick with the theme of setting the mood I have another song to add to your catalog. This group is called The Internet. The entire album is filled with songs about love and making love, truly one of my favorite albums of the year.

The sensual ballad “You Don’t Even Know” starts off with the Syd singing, “You’re beautiful, you brighten up my day/ And when your skin touches mine/ I get goose bumps right away”. I swoon every time I hear that line. It is the simple gesture of saying a women is beautiful sometimes is all she needs to hear by the man she adores. That then opens up the door to so much more.

For those who are single like me this is an exciting time. Now that we are in the Fall season and the weather has gotten cold, it’s time to warm your heart with a new lover. This is what some know as “cuffing season”. This is when a man and a woman spend quality time together, hoping to build something great together. Once you’re blessed to have met that special someone you have to have your theme music! Enjoy…