Alcoholism affected my family in so many ways. As you might imagine it tore us apart. The people who suffer the most are the ones who do not even drink. It is the children. I am the oldest of four siblings. I always said GOD gives us special gifts to help us cope with life's setbacks. My gift is compassion. Protecting my family was an honor. I worried when my grandmother drank and hoped me telling her how it hurts the family would make her stop. My brother and I fought often mainly because his behavior was disrespectful and I was not having it! Everyone had to live up to my unrealistic expectations, including myself!
The hero sometimes referred to as the model child is one of the four common roles played by children of alcoholics. It is usually the oldest. In the alcoholic family all the children play a role, for me I was the hero. I was the first of my mom's generation to graduate high school. I was the first in my grandparent's generation to finish college. I wanted to be the example. I hoped if I did the "right" thing I could encourage my family to do the same. What I learned was no matter how "perfect" I strived to be the only person I can save is me. Being "perfect" has taken its toll. And as I write to you today I am done!
I just came to the realization two weeks ago when a BELOVED family member wanted space from me. The little girl inside of me was upset. What do I have to do to prove I LOVE you, I asked myself? GOD said "Nothing, you already have. Now it is their turn to prove their LOVE to themselves". I release the patterns of my past. They no longer have control over me. I pray this for my family and other adult children raised by alcoholics. As kids we had no control, now we have control and it is with ourselves! YOU deserve happiness. YOU deserve to express sadness or anger without guilt or shame! You deserve a life that is healthy and full of people who want you to win. It is now up to YOU!
In photo:Me and my siblings Christmas 2010
I am glad that your voice is heard sis. I too, come from a family that indulged in the life of alcohal and drugs and look at us now!! WE may not know our destination, but the Universe makes note of our journey to become better than we can ever imagine. Bless Up!!
ReplyDeleteCYN!!! You are on my blog???!!! Thank you so much XO! Yes, I am so grateful were we are now. But we had to put in the work and it still continues! That's why it's important to speak out so no one feels they suffer alone. GOD bless you sis!
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