TRUTH HURTS

“Why men great till they gotta be great”~Lizzo

Lizzo is a big deal to me for multiple reasons.  She is a plus sized woman comfortable in her skin and promoting self love!  But she also has boy problems and writes about them.  If there is anything I can relate to in this whole wide world is that I problems with a men.  Constant dating woes, I tried it all from “going with the flow”, to being in “situationships”, to only dealing with one man while in the “talking phase” and I get the same result; single.  I put the “singggg” in single.  I am not sad cause “I’m 100% that bitch” still! I am celebrating me with girl power songs that encourage loving yourself, putting myself first and moving on to the next.

This song has been played everywhere.  This is my summer theme song.  If you have already heard this song I hope it heals you like it has me and if you haven’t you’re in for a treat

New York City

My favorite place on earth is New York City. Yes. New York, I LOVE it. If you have not been, make plans to go. New Yorkers get such a bad rep. I think they are charming folks who live in a high pace society so they are just a product of that. I remember as a little girl and meeting people who were interested in me because I said I was from Oklahoma. And I blushed when the men said they LOVE southern women. Oww!

My sister and I planned our trip back in April. There is a bus company called mega bus and they sell tickets as cheap as a dollar! That's right, a dollar! So it was a no brainer to ride the bus oppose to flying for Memorial Day weekend.


As soon as we arrived in New York I wanted to get me either some good Chinese food, or Italian. We ended up getting Italian food. YUM!

Our first stop was Time Square. We had street artist to make us pictures from scratch. My sister got make up done and it was fab! There were sailors walking up and down the street. Fine ones too!! The funniest part was meeting cookie monster and seeing Dora. The protesters were serious!


We then went to Central Park for the first time. BEAUTIFUL. The park just had a spiritual feel to it. I felt connected to GOD. I got me a hot dog and strolled the park. The most amazing view was looking over the Hudson river to New Jersey.





My sister and I are street bball fans. We LOVE going to the hood and finding a basketball court full of man. And guess what? We did just that. Enjoyed watching the guys put on their best show for us:) After chillin for an hour we left to get ready for the night.

My sisters friend told her he was djing in lower Manhattan. We had a hotel in upper Manhattan so we had to go to the other side of town. This is when we realized how big Manhattan is.




Before hitting the club we went back to Time square to see the City up close at night time. Breath taking! Cabs everywhere, people taking pics with sailors, bands playing live instruments in the streets and this is a normal thing! The funny part was seeing a lady selling Obama condoms. Really lady? My sister and I met some sailors who were kind enough to take pics with us. Fun times.


As I was getting dressed I bust open my adorable dress I bought from ASOS.COM. I pulled it together literally. Every five minutes pulling up my dress. But that did not keep me from having fun. Well it limit me on the dance floor a little bit. All I kept think was all of my breast was going to be out and I was going to look crazy! So I chilled in my little corner in VIP. But when my song came on I had to dance a minute. I had so much fun.


I did not want the evening to end. I met some great people and tons of memories I will never forget. Thank you New York! My LOVER *Carrie voice*

Happy Father's Day!

Today I honor the men in my life. I did not have the traditional up bringing in the sense of mother and father in the home. Most people talk about dead beat dad's but I had a dead beat mom, which is another blog discussion. My grandparents raised me from the day I left the hospital until today! I am still their baby. My grandfather was old school. He did not work when our family moved to Oklahoma from my hometown of Cali for five years. We lived off of his retirement checks. I remember my father volunteering in my classroom. Helping my teacher in the computer and math labs. Although he was extra tough on me, I understand what he was doing. Anytime my siblings and I were in trouble in school my grandfather would drop everything and head up to the school. We knew not to get out of line because my grandfather was no joke! He would walk up and down the neighborhood looking for us when we would be out after curfew. Did I mention he was no joke? My grandfather was not perfect, he was real. He would get up and take me home on the weekends when I was homesick in college. I am truly grateful for him in my life. He raised me when my father was not able to do so.


My brother has been through it in the past few years. My nephew has cancer. Yes, he is only 7 years old. The anger, pain that my brother feels on a daily basis is understandable. But he never complains. When he cries I wish I could do something for my little brother. I can't imagine his pain. See we did not have our biological fathers in our lives. They came in and out. You can't tell that my brother was failed by the men in his life, not by how he raises his kids. He proves you can still be a great father if there were no good examples of what that is! To say I am proud of him would be an understatement. My brother not only is the ONLY provider for his family, he is devoted to being active in their life as well. He is not just a father, but a husband. I was concerned when he married young, I knew it would be challenging for him. But my brother has met and surpassed all the challenges that have come into his life. GOD bless him!


My uncle Kirk told me that he remembers where he was when I was born. He said he was in the 10th grade and someone said over the speaker in the classroom, your nieces was born today. He told me he was so happy his nieecs were born. When he told me that I felt LOVED. He celebrated my life. When my father was on drugs my uncle would fill in for him when I would visit my family in New York. My uncle would spend time with my sister and I. He took us and his family to cannda to Marine Land. I will never forget that. He took us riding around on his motorcycle in his backyard. I was scared to death lol. I LOVED staying at my uncles house because he would give me the attention I was not used to at home. My aunt and cousins equally showed us LOVE. They were just reflecting who my uncle was as a person. A true example of LOVE.


My father is active in my life today. When we talk now that he is sober, so we have meaningful conversations. For many black women this is not a reality. Often our communities are filled with absent fathers. The effects of that is evident everyday when we look at inner city communities. To say that we NEED fathers in the home is putting it lightly. The other day when I went to footlock a brotha who works there told me this: When a mother is saved in the home 18% of the family is saved, when the father is saved 90% is saved. WOW! I no longer say I don't need a man. The devil is a lie!!! I NEED my father and I am grateful he is fully present in my life. There are fathers who are in the home but not fully present. We need active fathers who can give their children the LOVE they crave. At 32 I am still that little girl who gets excited to talk to my dad. I told my father how I am tired of being given a hard time for being single. He told me that my life is separate. I am living for GOD which means my life will not look life most people. He went on to say I am not missing nothing. Know that when GOD is ready for you to be with someone he will send him. Until then, keep doing what you doing. All my anxiety, fear, confusion, and pain left at once. I then realized the importance of having my father in my life.

For years I said I was ok not having my father in my life. I told everyone that my grandparents made up for the lost. The truth is no one can make up for the lost of your father. I feared men, I secreting resented them too. Angry for being abandoned and not feeling good enough. I have been blessed with many great men who would act as a father in my life. They gave me what I need. For the men who step in as fathers to children that are not theirs GOD bless you today. To the men in my life that showed me unconditional LOVE, I thank you. Most of all to my heavenly father for restoring my soul and helping find my path to LOVE.

The Rescuer

"She had a thing for stray dogs and I am not talking about the one with four legs". So many women are guilty of falling in LOVE with the wrong man. What about our choices in men going as far that it cost us our life?

I watched an interesting story about a 21 year old young woman who always got involved with men who "needed her help". The young women's mother spoke for her because she is now dead. The young lady's mom warned her daughter of the type of men that she LOVED so much would get her into trouble. Mom described her daughter as LOVING and would help anyone. But mom said her down fall was LOVING the wrong men.

That haunting night that ended her life was said to have started with the young lady and the guy going to a party and some say maybe a dinner that led to going back to his place. That is where he would take her life. The reason is unknown and his lawyers are even saying that another women helped him with the killing. What we do know is he was a guy who saw himself as a gangster. He sold drugs and was addicted to cocaine. Now I know some woman would say that's why I don't date thugs. Well he was also a full time business major! This is why we have to get past images and get to the core of the men we deal with. The young lady met this guy at school. One would think her big heart and wanting to help him led to her death. I disagree. I think her need to be with someone who "needed" her is what led to her death.

This personality type is called The Rescuer. A rescuer is the type of romantic personality that only dates men who need to be saved. The men who is between jobs. Lives at home, but has no real plans of leaving. The co-dependent type of men who need other woman to help them function in life. Just like a nurse. The woman are the nurses and the men are the walking wounded. These types of women think they will change these men so they can live productive lives. But reality is these men are co-dependent on their women. That is their LOVE subsitute. Feeling needed makes the woman feel LOVED and desired. This false sense of security makes them stay in an unhealthy relationship.

Men who are a danger to who we are need to not be in our life! Of course high insight is 20/20 and the women who lost their life or part of it would change everything knowing what they know now. But what about before the drama and sad ending? Take the time to find out why you are attracted to men who will drain the life out of you. I know this first hand because I was there.

I have never been in a serious relationship. I just felt like my mission is to follow GOD and that should be my main focus. Until marriage enjoy my youth and have fun. So I had some healthy qualities. But I would attract wounded men. The fact that I am a chubby girl I felt I needed to be happy with whoever wanted me. What a sad space to be in. So I would be friends with guys who had no direction and needed my help. Him needing me gave me an ego boost. The men I was friends with thought I was smart and had it together. Too bad I did not think so. I believe GOD puts people in our life to teach us something about our self. I realized I did not have to settle. Being single and having peace of mind is better than having a "friend" with drama! Or worst losing everything I worked so hard for.

My prayer is that women(and men) learn a valuable lesson from this young woman who lost her life. The only person you can save is yourself! The sad part is she was trying to save someone and could not save herself in the end. The irony! I pray peace and healing to her family. May she rest in peace and her death not be in vain!