Happy Father's Day!

Today I honor the men in my life. I did not have the traditional up bringing in the sense of mother and father in the home. Most people talk about dead beat dad's but I had a dead beat mom, which is another blog discussion. My grandparents raised me from the day I left the hospital until today! I am still their baby. My grandfather was old school. He did not work when our family moved to Oklahoma from my hometown of Cali for five years. We lived off of his retirement checks. I remember my father volunteering in my classroom. Helping my teacher in the computer and math labs. Although he was extra tough on me, I understand what he was doing. Anytime my siblings and I were in trouble in school my grandfather would drop everything and head up to the school. We knew not to get out of line because my grandfather was no joke! He would walk up and down the neighborhood looking for us when we would be out after curfew. Did I mention he was no joke? My grandfather was not perfect, he was real. He would get up and take me home on the weekends when I was homesick in college. I am truly grateful for him in my life. He raised me when my father was not able to do so.


My brother has been through it in the past few years. My nephew has cancer. Yes, he is only 7 years old. The anger, pain that my brother feels on a daily basis is understandable. But he never complains. When he cries I wish I could do something for my little brother. I can't imagine his pain. See we did not have our biological fathers in our lives. They came in and out. You can't tell that my brother was failed by the men in his life, not by how he raises his kids. He proves you can still be a great father if there were no good examples of what that is! To say I am proud of him would be an understatement. My brother not only is the ONLY provider for his family, he is devoted to being active in their life as well. He is not just a father, but a husband. I was concerned when he married young, I knew it would be challenging for him. But my brother has met and surpassed all the challenges that have come into his life. GOD bless him!


My uncle Kirk told me that he remembers where he was when I was born. He said he was in the 10th grade and someone said over the speaker in the classroom, your nieces was born today. He told me he was so happy his nieecs were born. When he told me that I felt LOVED. He celebrated my life. When my father was on drugs my uncle would fill in for him when I would visit my family in New York. My uncle would spend time with my sister and I. He took us and his family to cannda to Marine Land. I will never forget that. He took us riding around on his motorcycle in his backyard. I was scared to death lol. I LOVED staying at my uncles house because he would give me the attention I was not used to at home. My aunt and cousins equally showed us LOVE. They were just reflecting who my uncle was as a person. A true example of LOVE.


My father is active in my life today. When we talk now that he is sober, so we have meaningful conversations. For many black women this is not a reality. Often our communities are filled with absent fathers. The effects of that is evident everyday when we look at inner city communities. To say that we NEED fathers in the home is putting it lightly. The other day when I went to footlock a brotha who works there told me this: When a mother is saved in the home 18% of the family is saved, when the father is saved 90% is saved. WOW! I no longer say I don't need a man. The devil is a lie!!! I NEED my father and I am grateful he is fully present in my life. There are fathers who are in the home but not fully present. We need active fathers who can give their children the LOVE they crave. At 32 I am still that little girl who gets excited to talk to my dad. I told my father how I am tired of being given a hard time for being single. He told me that my life is separate. I am living for GOD which means my life will not look life most people. He went on to say I am not missing nothing. Know that when GOD is ready for you to be with someone he will send him. Until then, keep doing what you doing. All my anxiety, fear, confusion, and pain left at once. I then realized the importance of having my father in my life.

For years I said I was ok not having my father in my life. I told everyone that my grandparents made up for the lost. The truth is no one can make up for the lost of your father. I feared men, I secreting resented them too. Angry for being abandoned and not feeling good enough. I have been blessed with many great men who would act as a father in my life. They gave me what I need. For the men who step in as fathers to children that are not theirs GOD bless you today. To the men in my life that showed me unconditional LOVE, I thank you. Most of all to my heavenly father for restoring my soul and helping find my path to LOVE.

Why Fathers Are Important

My maternal grandfather is the only father I really know. I was born to a mother who dropped out the 9th grade when she was pregnant at 15. My father was 20 at the time and active in the Navy. My grandfather was also in the Navy stationed on the same ship as my father, hints how my parents actually met. At the time my mom hit the streets hard and only dated older men in the military. My father thought my mom was older and they began to date LOOSELY! When my father found out my mother was pregnant he wanted to get married. My mother, not so much.

My father was active in my life until I was three years old. My grandfather moved the family because he was transferred to San Diego. My father remained in Oakland. That's when it all began.

To say that grandparents saved my life would be unjust. They did so much more than I can explain. My parents were very immature and were in no way fit to parent.

My father married and had two more children. I remember calling him and my step mom in the back round trying to get my father off the phone. Shortly he would get off. I thought, what a coward to let a women run your life.

At 12 I would reunite with my father. He had divorced his wife due to his battle with drugs. I remember seeing him and struggle was all over his face. He looked like he had a hard life. I did not know if I was to call him dad or by his name. I choose the latter.

Randy and I would work on our relationship. Due to his battle with drugs it never really worked. His sobriety was short lived and all I would hear is "He doing good" when I would ask my family how my father was doing. Good I thought. Then why hasn't he called? Of course that was all a lie. And I think the reason he continue to dig himself a deeper whole, but I digress.

My father continued to battle with drugs for most of my childhood into my adult life. I have seen what abuse and neglect can do to a family. The pain hurts more than the user. The forgotten victims are the children.

Birthdays gone, no phone calls, broken promises and decade of tears. That is my life. Most people do not know this because I refused to allow others bad choices to become mine own. I was going to break the curse. And I did! Bless the LORD! I had years and years of healing and that journey will never end.

As for my father he is sober now. He has been clean for a year and for the first time in my life he is present. I mean fully aware, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Why father's are important? At 32 I can call my father and talk about relationships. I can tell him about my job and ask what should I do. Catch up on what GOD is doing in his life and gaining strength knowing how much I have helped him. I now know I can be a LOVING, warm, nurturing wife because I restored the relationship with my father. I thank GOD for this, because I know it was not my fathers doing nor my own. It was my heavenly father who joined us together.