Forward Movement

The triskele is a Celtic symbol (in photo) that has a three- armed spiral which means dynamic forward movement- an endless cycle of growth and progression (One Spirit Book). The triskele symbol is to empower to the point of moving forward regardless if difficult to do so. As life becomes tough, by habit we may turn to our old way of being out of comfort. If our old habits keep us from living the life we desire, why is it so tough to move forward? I pledge to move forward as I welcome in the new season of spring. No looking back, only looking forward pushing past contentment and compliancy.

 

The ability to move forward takes action. It is no longer someone else's fault. We now must take responsibility for our owns well being. That is not easy. There is comfort in blame, shame, and guilt. When we look at our environment and say "If I lived in Texas I would be married right now". At some point in our lives we may have felt "If I was in a different family my life would have been so much better". The reality is this thought process is what keeps us stuck. We give ourselves little control by worrying about our families because we cannot change that. What we can do is own how we feel, deal with it, heal, and move forward.

 

My journey to move forward continues today. I understand minor setbacks totally different now. My setbacks no longer define who I am, but they give me clues about what GOD is trying to teach me. I allow myself to feel whatever it is I am feeling. Good or bad I now have the courage to speak my personal truth. If what I am feeling is bad I confront it and move forward. Staying in that place does nothing for your spirit. Holding on to past hurts and pains keeps you from being the best you can be today. We owe it to ourselves to get the support we need. So that we can move forward knowing we have the skills we need to be great.

 

The cycle of growth and progression is ongoing. A cycle is defined by a one complete occurrence of the event which repeats. Think of a tire constantly in motion, going forward. Growth is something that happens over time, it continues until your physical life ends. Lastly progression means forward or onward movement. In order to progress means to move on, but to be better than you were when you begin. Stay there for a minute. We cannot say we have made progressive movement if we are still holding on to old habits and thinking. Join me today as I embrace the spring. Looking forward to sunny skies in my life that I take responsibility to create and bring.

Courageous

Do you know the person who has all the best advice in the world but does not have the courage to live it themselves? You know the ones who will call you out for your shortcoming without having the courage to correct those same mistakes in themselves? I am sure like me you know someone who fits those two descriptions. Better yet, at some point in our lives that person was me and you. Through growth and being dead wrong I learned to be less judgmental and more compassionate. Remembering how flawed I am, I have less time and space to be concerned with anyone else.

 

In the bible it warns us of this type of pattern. The problem with this pattern is several things. One problem is that when we focus on everyone else's issues we loose focus on ourselves. Those of us who feel we have to give advice to everyone who comes in our path wither the person ask for advice or not is filling a void. That void is fear of dealing with our self! Stop and think about that for a minute. Is that you? Of course there is nothing wrong with giving advice under two circumstances. If the person asked for the advice or if you have the courage to live what you are saying!

 

The other problem with this pattern is ego. Ego is the part of who we are that needs to be validated by the world. The ego is that part of ourselves that has to show off what we know and come off as a "know it all". When the ego is involved no one learns anything! That is when we have to release ego and allow spirit to come in. You know when you have connected to Spirit because you no longer seek validation from the world. Spirit takes away the desire to prove others wrong and the need of approval. Spirit is an inner knowing that is within us that says I am okay as I am. That inner knowing also says to us what I do not like about myself I have the courage to correct before I find fault in or give advice to others.

 

Courage means the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. The act of courage is a spiritual one. It is not just a physical quest, but one that takes mind and spirit. When we are feeling pain, confusion, doubt and fear it takes courage to pull ourselves out of that place. To lead the life that we desire takes courage. It is not easy, especially for folks like me who come from families with patterns of abuse and neglect. In negative environments you learn early to live a lie and shrink within yourself. Or one I heard everyday "there are no books on how to be a parent". At times we accept failure in ourselves, but are very critical when we see it in others. Recognize these patterns in your life and have the courage to change it like I have in my own life. Have the courage to be the change you want to see in the world.

To Teach

"We teach what we need to learn the most"~Oprah. As I watched the Oprah show when she made that statement I did not know how to receive it at first. I want to know what you think as well. Do we teach what we need to learn or do we teach what we already mastered within ourselves? I believe it is both. On one hand as we go through life and learn things along the way, we then share what we have learned or still learning with the rest of the world.

 

As a teacher I believe learning goes beyond the four walls in a classroom. And to teach is more than breaking down math to a class full of students. My theory is the world is a classroom. I am inspired to teach by different things I have been through and what I believe will help others. Even if what I teach is not received it is ok. It is ok because it came from my heart and for whoever it was for will get it, and for those that it was not meant for won't.

 

If it is believed that learning never stops, then that goes for teaching as well. As I write to you I am teaching myself. The things that GOD would have for me to master, I am sharing with you. I am not greater, smarter or more important than you. My mission when I teach is for us to understand that the work we require of others we have to first demand it of ourselves. Because what we teach is not always what we say or write, but how we live our lives. My passion as a teacher is to overcome the things I do not like about myself so I can be the person GOD has called me to be. That is my prayer for you as well.

 

So if Oprah's theory is correct and we teach what we need to learn the most than I am teaching joy, happiness, peace, tolerance and the freedom to be who I am with judging myself! What I also know is I teach what I have mastered. With hard work and Faith I am becoming more like Christ as I release the desire to be perfect and to be free! My prayer is that my life reflects that as well.

 

LOVE

If someone asked me have I changed much sense I was a little girl I would most certainly say yes! I no longer allow myself to be a push over. I am finally in touch with my emotions. I do not allow the concerns of this world to bring me down. I am no longer afraid to look a boy in the face, ok maybe just a little. All those things are true, I have progressed sense I was a little girl. The main reason is because I worked hard at being a better person all around. That has been my mission for the last ten years. When I turned 23 my life began to change, I noticed a strong desire in me to grow. After being raised in a home full of abuse and neglect I told myself I have to do better. I had to do better even if that meant moving forward by myself. And that is exactly what I did! The dream of being rescued faded and the overwhelming desire to be independent took over. Then somewhere along the journey I began to desire something else, the comfort of being supported and LOVED. I developed a strong need to have harmonious and peaceful relationships in my life. The need for dare I say a husband and to be cared for. I have not dealt with those emotions sense I was a child. I began to change, a long cry from that vulnerable child wanting desperately to be LOVED. Being that little girl was powerless to me and I needed my power back. Allowing ourselves to go through changes takes us to the place our soul craves. That is for us to come back home.

 

In the second grade I would have my first kiss. It was on the cheek, but yet it was still a kiss. It was not until the summer of the 4^th grade would I have a "real" kiss. That means tongue and everything! See growing up in the hood you moved fast. Everyone knew more than they should from listening to adults talk about their mess. To the neighborhood fights that teenage girls would have over their kid's dad who was by the same guy. I have seen it all! To my 7^th grade best friend hiding her pregnancy from me because I was one of the "good girls" so I would not understand. A kiss was all I was going to give a boy. I was raised to worry about school, work hard and when you are older worry about boys. So that is what I did! Well at least in real life.

 

In my fantasies my prince charming would take me away from all the madness in the world and make my life better. We would go to a place where it was perfect and instantly I became prefect too! I longed for that place, praying for my prince charming to come. Years went by he never came and then one day the light bulb came on, I realized that the only person that could make me happy was me. That broke my heart! The dreams where gone and my heart became harden. I no longer craved LOVE from a man or from anyone for that matter. I put a wall up with my family and everyone around me. Not dealing with the trauma from my childhood began to catch up with me. I was not fine, I was angry, I was hurt; I was no longer that little girl who everyone LOVED. I was no longer the little girl who smiled at everyone and gave a hug. The little girl who teachers adored and had many many friends. I over compensated for not feeling LOVED so I was extremely nice to everyone else to the point of neglecting myself. A natural people pleaser I learned at an early age to neglect myself for others even at the cost of my own mental health. So I became depressed, worried about my sister, my grandparents, and what I felt like my life should be. I was falling apart. I went through grieving stages before I finally had a break through.

 

I first was angry; I hated myself, my parents and my grandparents. Can I be real? The childhood I had was finally being dealt with, and it changed me. I learned to forgive. I learned to accept. I learned to say no. I learned to speak up. I learned to finally be me! I changed. From that stage grew a desire to be better so I read books and joined Al-Anon a program to help families and friends of alcoholics. Through Al-Anon I learned that I had to let go of my desire to control. I had to stop minding everyone else's business and start worrying about my own. Not easy, but I knew in order to get the life I dream of it would take hard work!

 

Years of healing I decided to go into ministry and give to others what I have received. A new lease on life! I was blessed with the opportunity to be free of family bondage and to create a new path for myself. The more I began to practice my new teachings the easier they became. Going home to family members who knew how to press my buttons would be a test. Hell, dealing with family members is STILL a test!! But I learned to soften my heart, to let it go! I would tell my family for the first time how I felt and then let them choose what they wanted to do next. Finally I was responsible for only MY actions and not the little girl who wanted to save everyone!

 

Sherri was a friend I had in school from the 5^th grade up to the 8^th grade. Sherri was not that nice as a person on the outside, but I knew she was just covering up from hurt. I knew deep down she was a sweetheart and I would let her know even as a little girl. GOD just allowed me to see that even as a child. Sherri and I would reunite yesterday on facebook after all these years. The first thing she said to me was "Tasha you are still sweet. I hope you did not let life get you down". That humbled me. She remembered that I was this little girl who LOVED way past my years. I did not care if you sold drugs, was in a gang, had sex, I LOVED you anyhow. And Sherri remembered that, we would send emails back and forth all night last night. When I went to sleep I thanked GOD for sending her my way. What Sherri has done is help me to remember where I come from. She helped me remember the person I once was. The little girl who believed in LOVE and was not afraid to express it! Today that little girl's LOVE radiates through my soul! She is in my very being and breaths me fresh life! That little girl who does not care what a man does but what his heart says he is! My soul craves the unity of this little girl so I can find the spirituality in LOVE again! My soul's journey was not to become serious and rigid, but to be free! My spirit now will be the sweet little girl who adores LOVE songs, holding hands and giving kisses! LOVE does not have to be a burden. It can be the very thing that frees us from the very things that weigh us down. My desire to LOVE gives me new joy I never knew was possible without having a romantic partner to share it with. I now am mature enough to give the LOVE I always gave to others back to myself! I believe in my prince charming again and that he will LOVE me just as I am. Whole, happy, healthy and sweet with a lot of LOVE to give!

 

 

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

When I read a great blog the other day the writer mentioned that he does not think most women are funny. He said it is a man trait. My first thought was he is sexist! Really. How is a man consider funnier just because, well he is a man? After getting past my initial hang up, I begin to agree. Yes, I know before I offend my sister friends let me explain.

After much consideration of me going back and forth with the idea that I am not funny, I finally decided that I am not. I do not think it is because I am a female. But because funny is not my gift. The same can be said about a man. Just because he has a penis does not automatically get him the funny card. There are men that are not funny as well. That is not a bad thing. It's just there personality.

My theory is this: it is not fair to expect someone to be who they are not. It would not be a true assessment to think everyone is funny because being funny is a gift. Yes, we all may have a sense of humor and say funny things at times. But being funny is a personality trait. Like being kind is.

How many times have you heard someone describe themselves as kind? Then you hang around them long enough to see that they are not as "kind" as they say they are. Well because most people do not take time to know who they are.

We have to do an honest evaluation and say to ourselves, you know what I am "kind" at times but would I say this is my strength or something I need to work on? Or is it something I feel I need to work on at all? Does everyone need to be kind ALL the time? I say no. If it does not feel natural to you, than do you! Respect others and understand that how you treat others will effect you in the long run.

I use my sister for an example often because she is my bestie. Have I mentioned she is my twin sis? Yes, and we are like night and day!! My sister is friendly, funny, free spirit, charismatic, outspoken. Me, I am a sweetheart, great sense of humor, free spirit, reserved, quiet, charming and charismatic.

Notice I said great sense of humor vs. funny? Also I said sweetheart vs. friendly. Yes, there is a difference. I laugh at everything. If you trip I will laugh before I ask are you OK. I will laugh at an off beat comment made by one of my students. I am not usually the one telling the jokes, I am laughing at them. Now my sister is funny. Stand up comedian funny. When she is around people she has them cracking up. They all say "your sister is so crazy". Think Adele Givens Def Comedy Jam or Queens of comedy. As for me, I am chillin in the crowd talking to everyone and laughing at my sisters stories and jokes. My sister and I have a ongoing joke when I spoke to her about my revelation. I said I am not funny but have funny times. She said you just said something funny. I give up! But really I can't take my show on the rode. She honestly can!

My sister was going to her nail tech for about a year before I started going to them years ago. My sister was so friendly, laughed and joked with everyone and my sister said they would tell her she was "so nice". When I went for the first time to the nail shop I listened to everyone in the nail shop stories from the nail techs to the customers about their lives. Instead of being the one actually telling the story. I hugged and kissed everyone on the way out and said thank you for the great job. My sister said they could not stop talking about me. How much they LOVED me and how I am the sweet one. My sister is friendly, but sweet she is not.

Is she a bad person? NO! Because she is being who GOD has called her to be. Herself! Am I saying she is not sweet at times, no! I am not the angel either. I have my moments when I don't feel like being bothered and I have learned to say no! I know who I am now and do not need to do extra stuff to get people to like me.

My point is that we all have our gifts. My pastor told me "If you do not use your gifts GOD will take them away". I believe that. Embrace your natural gifts so you can be a blessing to someone else. Sure everyone wants to be funny. But if it is not your gift than own up to it!! Find your strength and sore!