My Transformation (Journey to breast reduction)

I have a confession. My whole life my breast have been my biggest insecurity. Every time I passed a mirror I would cringe at my reflection. This is difficult to admit because I am afraid to come off as weak. Image plays a large part of what we think of ourselves and I am aware of this truth. What I have learned is everyone has an issue with something concerning their body. The desire to “LOVE me for me” inspired me to embrace myself as I was although my breasts were a burden on me in many ways. To look at ourselves honestly can be a very painful experience.

I managed to find peace with my breast. Actually more like “fake it until you make it” because I hated them! Yes, I hated them! My breast put me at a size 18/20, but my pants size is a 14!! This is the pain that is hard to explain. The challenge of shopping takes its toll on you. I am 16 looking like a middle age 50 year old because I could not find clothes in my size! Then the comments and looks people would give me made feel very low. I did not want to be notice because I knew what people were thinking when they seen me. I know you’re probably thinking it’s just my insecurity and that could very well be true. My insecurity of my breast kept me from dating, being the first to walk into any party, hell even the first to walk into a movie theater. I had to talk myself into being confident. The “fake it until you make it” became too draining and I desired to really LOVE who I saw when I looked in the mirror.

I built my life around being safe. From the time when I was 12 and pulled myself out of the talent show when I realized the boys just watched me dance to see my breast jump up and down. I am a great dancer actually. Only a handful of people know this about me to this day! I carried years of pain, embarrassment and living under my potential my whole life. I was great about making goals for school or my next five year plan on my life. But interacting with a table full of men, not so much! That 14 year old girl whose crush said he did not like me because “her breasts are too big” plays over and over in my head. Unless you have lived it, it is difficult to understand. If you have or had large breast than I know you’re nodding your head in agreement. It’s okay to admit our pain and shortcomings. My pain I carried for twenty years and I thank GOD it is my burden no more!


Moving to DC my life has changed in multiple ways. I believe that where GOD wants
you to be is where your blessings are! A month ago I went under the knife. With my twin sister by my side I found the courage to follow my heart. Tears going down my eyes I thought about years and years of dreaming of this moment and it were finally happened. My life was changing and I was at peace! Weeks of healing has given me time to reflect. Looking in the mirror I feel connected! This is the person I saw in my dreams at 14 years old. After years and years of hating what I saw in the mirror, I had an aha moment! I realized I no longer wanted to look like anyone else; I just wanted to be a better version of me! To see yourself and LOVE what you see is a gift everyone ought to have. Finally I have that. My inner vixen has come alive and I am no longer afraid to express who I am. I feel sexy, sensual, beautiful and complete. Embrace your light! Let LOVE guide your path to a better fulfilled you and watch your life transform!!

Autumn

What you release in the Fall will be replaced by something better in the Spring ~ Iyanla Vanzant

Change, change, and more change has been my theme for the past several months. I have lost weight, changed classrooms at my school, bought new furniture for my home, and had major surgery. My intentions daily are to live a life that is filled with purpose and meaning. To have a purpose filled life some type of transformation has to happen. I’m a fixed Scorpio, which means I will go through a million transformations in my lifetime fighting each one along the way. I LOVE change, just when it is the change I can control. That is why the lesson to release is very powerful not only for you, but for me as well.

What is it that you are afraid to let go of? Is it that relationship that bares no fruit? Is it that dead end job that you complain about everyday to anyone who will listen? This fall allow yourself to release the things that hinder you as freely as leaves fall from the trees. Brown leaves do not hold on for dear life pleading with Mother Nature to allow more time. I only can imagine that the leaves understand their place in the universe and do not get in their own way. Pain from the past, I challenge you to let it go. Guilt trips, feeling ashamed of your body image, putting other people on a pedestal and clinging onto old ways of thinking and being; LET IT GO!

Let go of old clothes. Yes, ladies that shirt that is pushed to the back of the closet let that go! There is a rule that if you have not touched it in a year then you don’t need it! Shoes you have not worn three trends ago give away. I started going to the Salvation Army back in 2005. I went so much I would get a regular call every month asking if I had a package for them to pick up. In life I believe everything happens in a circle or the cycle of life, what you put out comes back to you. This is also called the Law of Abundance. That is why I can put on an outfit for two months and never wear the same thing twice! Give and it shall be given to you says the Lord. Donate your time to your worship center, volunteer, give tithe or offering to your church. Make this season meaningful by living fully in the Law of Abundance. Be the very thing you want in your life. The law of abundance is to know that what you have right now is enough. Let go of the idea of lack. Transform into a new way of thinking and being allowing the Divine power of GOD to work through your life! For when the Spring comes will be proof of what you planted in the fall.

It Starts and End With YOU!

Reaching toward your own light can be scary, especially if you're used to living in the shadows of everyone else. I am a hard worker. I am a bit of a perfectionist. And I have a habit of making others larger than life. Sense I was a baby I found comfort in feeling like everyone else was better than I was. I wanted to be them and even more than that seek their approval. A few years ago I became tired and bored of constantly living through others. So I challenged myself to live in the now! That is what I did; I started enjoying my life where it is right now. What I did not master until Friday night is putting people on pedestal. What GOD wants for me is the same he wants for you, to walk into your greatness. You first have to know that you are great!

My aha moment came Friday night when I sat and listened to my hero Iyanla Vanzant speak. When Iyanla shared her story the façade faded. When she went to the stage she had a slight limp. You saw before you a woman who has been through a lot and by the grace of GOD was alive to share her story. I was not prepared for the lesson I would learn that night. I thought I would learn to take on the world and have many notes I would post on twitter and facebook. But what happened was totally different. The lessons I learned were not sexy, they were real.

Iyanla human side glowed Friday night. She confessed to everyone that she did not LOVE who she was. While in 2003 when I was reading Iyanla's work and applying these truths to my life she was dealing with a married man. I never would have painted that picture of her while reading her book. In my perception of her she had mastered self-discipline, and was at a point in her life where she was teaching us what she had learned along the way. I did not know she was still on that journey herself. Iyanla said in an interview her lowest moment helped her to put to practice what she had been teaching all along.

The most insight I received that night was while Iyanla was learning the tools she wrote about in her books, I had already mastered them! Yes me, the student, the mentee, the grasshopper. I listened, I watched, I studied and then I lived it. I broke four generational curses that I am aware of on my mother's side of the family. See before Friday night I would have given credit for my growth to Iyanla, to my pastor or my grandparents, but at the end of the day it starts and ends with me. What GOD has helped me to understand is that the women who came before me had a great life, but if I learn from them I will be even greater! My legacy will be my own. Your legacy will be your own.

Imagine Harriet Tubman as she is leading the pack of slaves to freedom. Imagine Coretta Scott King as she walks side by side with her husband the great Dr. Martin Luther King. Now imagine yourself. What are you doing? Are you still living in their shadows or coming out and creating your own legacy? These women had their own lives to lead, their own lessons to learn. Now it is time for us to learn ours. It's time we draw strength from them so their lives will not be in vain.

My nieces and nephews, students, mentees and future children will be even greater than I am due to what I had to endure. They will start a legacy of their own. What was tough for me will be easier for them. Why? It is because they will learn from my mistakes and will be better than I was. That is the legacy that I strive for now. I strive to build my own brand and in 30 years for a young women to tell me how my book has changed her life.

LOVE

If someone asked me have I changed much sense I was a little girl I would most certainly say yes! I no longer allow myself to be a push over. I am finally in touch with my emotions. I do not allow the concerns of this world to bring me down. I am no longer afraid to look a boy in the face, ok maybe just a little. All those things are true, I have progressed sense I was a little girl. The main reason is because I worked hard at being a better person all around. That has been my mission for the last ten years. When I turned 23 my life began to change, I noticed a strong desire in me to grow. After being raised in a home full of abuse and neglect I told myself I have to do better. I had to do better even if that meant moving forward by myself. And that is exactly what I did! The dream of being rescued faded and the overwhelming desire to be independent took over. Then somewhere along the journey I began to desire something else, the comfort of being supported and LOVED. I developed a strong need to have harmonious and peaceful relationships in my life. The need for dare I say a husband and to be cared for. I have not dealt with those emotions sense I was a child. I began to change, a long cry from that vulnerable child wanting desperately to be LOVED. Being that little girl was powerless to me and I needed my power back. Allowing ourselves to go through changes takes us to the place our soul craves. That is for us to come back home.

 

In the second grade I would have my first kiss. It was on the cheek, but yet it was still a kiss. It was not until the summer of the 4^th grade would I have a "real" kiss. That means tongue and everything! See growing up in the hood you moved fast. Everyone knew more than they should from listening to adults talk about their mess. To the neighborhood fights that teenage girls would have over their kid's dad who was by the same guy. I have seen it all! To my 7^th grade best friend hiding her pregnancy from me because I was one of the "good girls" so I would not understand. A kiss was all I was going to give a boy. I was raised to worry about school, work hard and when you are older worry about boys. So that is what I did! Well at least in real life.

 

In my fantasies my prince charming would take me away from all the madness in the world and make my life better. We would go to a place where it was perfect and instantly I became prefect too! I longed for that place, praying for my prince charming to come. Years went by he never came and then one day the light bulb came on, I realized that the only person that could make me happy was me. That broke my heart! The dreams where gone and my heart became harden. I no longer craved LOVE from a man or from anyone for that matter. I put a wall up with my family and everyone around me. Not dealing with the trauma from my childhood began to catch up with me. I was not fine, I was angry, I was hurt; I was no longer that little girl who everyone LOVED. I was no longer the little girl who smiled at everyone and gave a hug. The little girl who teachers adored and had many many friends. I over compensated for not feeling LOVED so I was extremely nice to everyone else to the point of neglecting myself. A natural people pleaser I learned at an early age to neglect myself for others even at the cost of my own mental health. So I became depressed, worried about my sister, my grandparents, and what I felt like my life should be. I was falling apart. I went through grieving stages before I finally had a break through.

 

I first was angry; I hated myself, my parents and my grandparents. Can I be real? The childhood I had was finally being dealt with, and it changed me. I learned to forgive. I learned to accept. I learned to say no. I learned to speak up. I learned to finally be me! I changed. From that stage grew a desire to be better so I read books and joined Al-Anon a program to help families and friends of alcoholics. Through Al-Anon I learned that I had to let go of my desire to control. I had to stop minding everyone else's business and start worrying about my own. Not easy, but I knew in order to get the life I dream of it would take hard work!

 

Years of healing I decided to go into ministry and give to others what I have received. A new lease on life! I was blessed with the opportunity to be free of family bondage and to create a new path for myself. The more I began to practice my new teachings the easier they became. Going home to family members who knew how to press my buttons would be a test. Hell, dealing with family members is STILL a test!! But I learned to soften my heart, to let it go! I would tell my family for the first time how I felt and then let them choose what they wanted to do next. Finally I was responsible for only MY actions and not the little girl who wanted to save everyone!

 

Sherri was a friend I had in school from the 5^th grade up to the 8^th grade. Sherri was not that nice as a person on the outside, but I knew she was just covering up from hurt. I knew deep down she was a sweetheart and I would let her know even as a little girl. GOD just allowed me to see that even as a child. Sherri and I would reunite yesterday on facebook after all these years. The first thing she said to me was "Tasha you are still sweet. I hope you did not let life get you down". That humbled me. She remembered that I was this little girl who LOVED way past my years. I did not care if you sold drugs, was in a gang, had sex, I LOVED you anyhow. And Sherri remembered that, we would send emails back and forth all night last night. When I went to sleep I thanked GOD for sending her my way. What Sherri has done is help me to remember where I come from. She helped me remember the person I once was. The little girl who believed in LOVE and was not afraid to express it! Today that little girl's LOVE radiates through my soul! She is in my very being and breaths me fresh life! That little girl who does not care what a man does but what his heart says he is! My soul craves the unity of this little girl so I can find the spirituality in LOVE again! My soul's journey was not to become serious and rigid, but to be free! My spirit now will be the sweet little girl who adores LOVE songs, holding hands and giving kisses! LOVE does not have to be a burden. It can be the very thing that frees us from the very things that weigh us down. My desire to LOVE gives me new joy I never knew was possible without having a romantic partner to share it with. I now am mature enough to give the LOVE I always gave to others back to myself! I believe in my prince charming again and that he will LOVE me just as I am. Whole, happy, healthy and sweet with a lot of LOVE to give!

 

 

Martha Beck

The rules tell you to scheme, flatter, and play hard to get, but our favorite life coach doesn’t think that will get you very far. It’s time to rethink the dating game.


Develop a strong sense of self before seeking a relationship.

Day after day, as I hear single women bemoan the lack of available men, I wish ethics allowed me to set them up with my wonderful male clients who are searching, with equal frustration, for the right woman. Instead, I end up simply witnessing singles of both sexes failing to find each other.

I believe this failure has much to do with the model of love seeking most popular in our culture: the idea of romantic pursuit as a type of predation, a hunting expedition the goal of which is capture.

In my experience, the way of thinking that leads to successful relationships is altogether different. It’s focused on the idea that the way to find love is to become so much yourself that you find others of your own kind, with whom you can share freedom.
The book of love?

The predator model of love leads to a hunter’s way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this “statistical mass” logic.

I’ve seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It’s a soul search.

The other rules for seeking your soul {and its mate}
I would encourage anyone who wants to find a soul mate to follow these three steps.



1. Know thyself

Women who are willing to hide or detach from their real selves in order to bag a man often seem to believe that the right guy will give them a sense of identity and self confidence. This is backward. Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you’ve never seen.
Next time you’re feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Visit a therapist. Embark on a voyage of self discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.



2. Value thyself

The single women I know are frequently advised, “Stop being so picky,” “Have a better attitude,” and “Lower your standards,” perhaps to the point where they’ll date anyone with a penis and a pulse.

I believe this is precisely the wrong approach. Why? Consider our statistical friend, the bell curve. The great bulge in the middle represents areas where you are, well, average. This is also the part of you that could easily be mixed and matched with the largest number of potential mates. The skinnier upper end represents your greatest gifts, the areas where you are most talented and extraordinary. The few people who share your most exceptional characteristics are your tribe, the population that is most likely to contain your heart’s partner.

I suggest that you should be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the “bad attitude” that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same way you are.
Be courteous to men who don’t appeal to you, but for God’s sake, don’t waste your evenings, let alone your nights, with them. “Oh,” conventional rule keepers might exclaim, “you’ll have to spend some nights alone!” Yes, indeed. Your pool of candidates is much smaller at the high quality end of the bell curve, your chances of having no date on Saturday much larger if you refuse to go out with men who bore or repulse you.
But if memory serves, the boredom and/or repulsion of bad dating is much worse than spending a few hours on your own.


3. Engage thyself

The authors of “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” emphasize that in order to get a guy, a woman should always act busy, for instance, when a desirable man calls, it’s wise to set a timer to go off a few minutes later, then recite a memorized exit line, such as “Sorry, gotta go. I have a million things to do.”

Here’s my crazy idea: How about actually having a million things to do? How about actually filling your life with interesting activities? If you want to attract a partner, identify what you love to do, and do it, a lot. Involved, busy people really are more attractive, so if you want to get engaged to your soul mate, start by being engaged in activities that fascinate you, especially those that have nothing to do with dating and that make you forget to go love hunting.

Year of transition!

I believe this is the year of transformation. There has been positive and some devastating change. This year has been a tough year for so many people around the world. Transformations big and small. The victims in Haiti and in Chili due to earth quakes. Also yesterday the volcano in Iceland. Everyone will be changed in some way this year. For me it is a physical transformation. I want to loose weight.

Sense I was a baby I was a chunky girl. Fat, chubby, voluptuous, curvy, whatever you want to call it that's what I was and still am. I am a proud chunky girl and have been my whole life. But to say I have felt peace with my body would be a lie. I have been working on building my inside for the past 10 years. Now it's time for the outside to reflect who Iam as a whole person. Being a big girl my whole life I always knew how to carry myself. Fashion has never been an issue for me. I am a diva! Feeling good about yourself is a battle for big and skinny folks. Losing weight is for my mental and physical well being. So my goal is to lose up to 40 pounds. I will be posting pics of myself as I go through the weight lost process.



My plan is simple. Eat better and exercise. I have been advised to exercise 3-5 days a week. To eat every three hours to build up your metabolism. To have lots of color on your plate. Drink plenty of water, journal what you eat, and get plenty of sleep!

This is all a learning process for me so hopefully we can support each other. This is the hardest thing I have done. I heard that people loose weight and keep it off when they get support. I am asking for your support and you know I will support you. Make this season count! Dont let another year go by feeling bad about how you look. If you have healthy advice please drop a few lines and let me know!