The Lover

When I was 5 years old I had a dress I loved called the “Christy dress” (named after neighbor who gave me the dress). Oh, how I loved that dress! I wanted to wear it every day. What I remember about the dress is that it was soft and flowing. I would dance in it, run and be free! I felt so feminine, I felt alive and like a little girl. The feeling was so liberating that I didn’t want to take the dress off! My Grandmother had to throw the dress away because I wore it out! I reflect on that time because that energy is the heart of the lover. The lover is constantly exploring the world through innocent eyes. The lover is a true romantic that expresses themselves through being sweet, soft and feminine. We are romantics and view the world in a special way that can inspire those closest to us.

The lover archetype however is multidimensional and expresses herself in many ways. The Lover is Aphrodite, the Goddess of love, sensuality, sexuality, desire, pleasure and passion. The lover expresses herself as the hetria, a woman who connects to a man divinely, through his Spirit. She knows and understands him naturally. She knows how to gain his favor by allowing him to open up and be himself. Another way the lover expresses herself is the high priestess. The high priestess is wise, serene, and is full of knowledge and understanding. She represents Spiritual enlightenment, has a deep connection to the Universe and has a keen intuition. The high priestess seeks relationships, union and communion with people, animals, and nature. The shadow side of the lover is having insecurities about her weight and may become a compulsive eater, bulimic or anorexic. She could be a prostitute, “the other woman” allowing the lower levels of her to take control.

The lover enjoys expressing love not for gain but because it’s who she is! Understanding the world can be cold, she warms the hearts of those who come into her life. She is passionate, seductive, erotic, and self aware. The dark side of the lover dims her light; she shuts down when her heart gets broken or if the object of her affection doesn’t return the love she has desired. Embracing our whole self, the lover has to find peace with the light and dark within. Healing is a major part of the lover’s journey. See, having our hearts open all the time can lead us down the path of bitterness if we are not careful. Someone you loved who turned out to be around for a season, not a lifetime can build resentment in anyone. Or the disappointment of having a crush on someone only to find out they are in a committed relationship. The hurt can be too much and then we become the victim, shutting down and closing our hearts. That’s when we have to think of our inner little girl. That little girl did not keep count of how many times she had been wronged. She loves fiercely and being able to love gave her a boost! When we open our hearts to love we are breaking the chains and living freely. This is the love Goddess at her best. This is me.

Do you see yourself as a love Goddess? Are you The Lover archetype or The Amazon? Which Archetypes of the Sacred Feminine are you? Click the link below and read the archetypes to see which personality you identify with the most. Please share with me what your feminine style says about you.

http://veronicagodeanu.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/archetypesfree.pdf

Music Mondays: Smokie Norful - I understand

We all have dark days, sometimes more dark days then light. Trying to make since out of the confusion in my life currently, I woke up Friday morning and "I Understand" by Smokie Norful came to me in my spirit. I instantly started singing the lyrics and began to feel healing in my soul. I have the lyrics and the song below. Please brothers and sisters know that you do not suffer alone. God sees all and HE does understand. Yes, it’s tough and I have gone from angry, to sad, to being at peace, to angry again. You do not suffer alone; I am going through it too. How do I seek comfort? Praise God through my confusion, hurt and pain. Be still and listen. And when I don't hear God's voice, I trust HIS plan. What an awesome testimony you will share when it is all over. Be blessed you all and I Love you!

Sometimes I feel like giving up
It seems like my best, just ain't good enough
Lord if you hear me, I am calling you
Do you see, do you care
All about what I'm goin' through

And then HE said, one more day
One more step, See I'm preparing you, for myself
And when you can't hear my voice, please trust my plan
I am the Lord, I see, and yes, I understand

But sometimes I feel like I'm all alone
I'm just like a stranger so far from home
I feel like I've done all that I can do
Please Lord, give me strength, I'm just tryin' to make it through
That's when HE told me

One more step, yeah
Oh my child, I'm preparing you, for myself
And when you can't hear my voice
Please just trust my plan
I am the Lord, I see you, and yes, I understand

HE knows just how much we can bare
And in the time of trouble HE promised
HE would always be there
Oh, I understand
The Lord is telling you, yes I understand
I am the Lord, I see you, and yes, I understand

This is what HE says
I am the Lord I changeth not
I won't forget nor have I forgot
You see everything works according to my plan
I am God, trust me, I got the whole world in my hands

Oh, one more day, yea (One more step)
I'm preparing you, all for myself
I'm getting you ready
(And if you can't hear my voice)
If you can't hear me speaking
Oh, just trust my plan

Yea, I am the Lord, I love you, I see you
And I understand, oh
I am the Lord, I see what you going through
Every problem, every trial, every burden, and every situation
I understand, I won't leave you
Yea Yea Yea, I understand, understand, understand
Thank you Jesus

Home For The Holidays

Some may not know, but in 2007 Washington D.C. became my new home. My beloved new hometown, I am very grateful to God for the opportunity to follow my dreams and relocate Washington D.C. area. And the transition was not a smooth one; I cried for two years straight when I moved from Oklahoma City. OKC has been my home since I was eight years old. I left behind my grandparents who raised me from birth, my twin sister, two nieces and two nephews, and many friends. My heart was heavy, but I knew the life God called for me I needed to relocate and that's what I did! That is why coming home for the holidays is that much more meaningful being how much I miss being with my loved ones.

What coming home has taught me this year is that we can be completely healed, removed and transformed from negative family patterns. See coming home does not mean all laughter, no tears from pain and disappointing moments, it means that your love for family is greater than any negative energy. Besides isn't that what the meaning of love is?

Three years ago I would have played the victim, withdrawn and completed held a grudge my entire vacation after the news I received just a day after being back home. But my new relationship with Christ I knew that he was in control. I have learned to pick my battles and have become a peaceful warrior. Being raised in an environment with addictions, neglect, abandonment issues to name a few, I have already been to the bottom. Being healed I only seek being at the top! When I enter dark spaces I want to be that candle burning light! I know I have been reborn. I am not the child my mom gave birth to that came into an environment of sickness, self-hate, depression, and lack of emotions. I am born again, new, whole, complete; the child of God HE created me to be!

Sexuality

Capacity for sexual feelings or sexual activity is one of many definitions to describe sexuality. What better way to end Scorpio Season (Happy Birthday fellow Scorps) then to talk about sexuality? To me sexuality simply means being fully aware of our sensual selves. Sexuality is having an innate sense of sexual energy that is natural as breathing. Sexual activity speaks for itself. When having sex our sexuality is heightened in the act making us feel connected to our erotic natures. What I want to highlight is that there is a misconception that having sex makes you a vixen and in touch with your sexuality. Far from the truth! While being sexually active heightens one’s sexuality, the act itself does not give you automatic sex appeal. You have to feel connected to your sexual self before having sex. For those who have had sexual intercourse at an uncertain time in their lives spoke of having “bad” sex. “Bad” sex is a matter of perspective, but not enjoying exchange of being with your partner due to insecurities and fears is not sexy! Many people take their insecurities with them into the bedroom. Releasing our fears, body image concerns, guilt, and shame frees up inner tension and inhibitions that we have making sex that much greater.

I remember the day I began to feel connected to my sexual energy. Being a virgin people are still taken aback by this; my simple answer is sexuality is within. See, I am a Scorpio woman. Sex is like breathing to me and a sacred act, hence why I am waiting for my divine mate to join me before having sex. Connecting to our sexual energy is different for each of us, for me it meant being soft and feminine. I take long bubble baths with candles, music and afterwards I put on scented lotion and perfume. That makes me feel in touch with my goddess energy. Not by having sex, but seduction, setting the mood. Knowing this I am ready for sex because I am no longer afraid to admit to taboos or express my sexual nature.

Sex is a choice. When we are emotionally mature enough to handle the good, bad, and ugly of sex, I believe we are ready to engage in the act. The pressure to have sex is not just among teenagers, but adults too! We have to embrace our lives on this journey called life and know it will not look like anyone else’s. If your life looks like someone else you may not be on your chosen path! Sexuality is creativity in pure form. Raw energy not tainted by imagery, our own opinions or the opinions of others, but unleashing whatever you feel inside! Getting past our own misconceptions about sexuality helps us to create a better reality for ourselves. We do not have to live within the limitations that are placed on us from society or what we place on ourselves. Accept those whose sexual expression is different from yours. Go deep, release hidden fears, and live life responsibly as the sexual human being you are!

*PS Emotional trauma due to sexual abuse is a serious issue. If you have been a victim of sexual abuse and it is holding you back from your best self get professional help.

Feel The LOVE

Doing the 21-day Mediation with Deepak Chopra, my life changed. I began doing heart mediations using the mantra “I am LOVEABLE”. Mantras mean speaking what it is that we want into existence. Through doing mantras my goal is to become the words I speak, also to allow the meaning of the phrases to touch my heart. Through the 21- day meditation I have centered myself and set an intention of showing and practicing giving LOVE daily. While taking on this challenge I realized giving LOVE is not a problem for me, but feeling worthy of receiving LOVE is a different story!

I will be 35 in October. Being 35 is a blessing because I feel I’m at an age I can finally look within and say I know who I am. I AM all things, with a soul as deep as the Pacific Ocean! This season in my life I crave close connections in all relationships. I long for kisses, intimate conversations, and confessions of hopes and dreams with my soul mate. I can’t wait to get on my iPad and do facetime with my cousin. As soon as I hit the parking lot leaving work, I am calling my twin sister on the phone to talk about our day. When I get to work I am greeted by parents and my colleagues with smiles and hellos. Often I stop on my way to my class giving out hugs to most in passing. As I enter my classroom my students erupt with “Good morning Ms. Natasha” as they are eating breakfast. I then greet them and say hello. I can barely put my purse away before I hear different voices screaming at me saying, “I have new shoes”, “Ms. Natasha you look cute”, “I went to the park yesterday”, and “Can you sit by me?" Gleefully I answer everyone, feeling LOVED and connected.

Since mediating, I have a whole new outlook on life. I draw and create LOVING experiences to my life by seeking LOVE in all things. Wanting to maximize my experience on earth, I now LOVE with intention. I have meaningful connections daily, making an effort to feel the LOVE of everything around me. I challenge you to make this simple shift in your life. In every moment you can, feel the LOVE. We make it our mission to give LOVE, what happens often is we do not allow ourselves to be on the receiving end.

Going forward, allow something such as a fresh breeze to create a LOVING moment. Take a moment out of your busy day to reflect on everyone in your life who LOVES you as you are! LOVE is around us every day. LOVE is in the stranger saying hello. LOVE is in the random text from a LOVER or friend. LOVE is the sun shining bright or a beautiful rain shower in the middle of the night. LOVE is the laughter of kids playing. LOVE is in a gentle touch. LOVE is in an unexpected compliment. LOVE is in forgiving yourself and knowing its okay to be you! LOVE is everywhere we go and deep inside of us all. Connect to the divine LOVE energy inside you. Feel the LOVE!

Through The Valley

"Joy is your birth right"~Sarah Ban Breathnach

I am in no way an expert on the subject of creating, however I do know what it feels like to want a life that you do not have. When I think of creating I believe it is like looking at a blank canvas. Our lives are the blank canvas and what we feel are the colors. The brushes are our intentions and the action when we begin to paint is the creation. Like an artist, we create what we are feeling. There are times when we are feeling blue, black or grey. These said times are also known as being in the valley. The valley is the bottom between the last mountain you just climbed and the mountain in front of you that is going to give you what you want. We all want to be at the top of the mountain celebrating our victories. But going through the valley leads to creativity on the journey. As Deepak often says "were there is chaos, creativity is born".

In the bible it says we will not understand everything that GOD does, I am sure we all experienced this truth. Just a month ago I received a phone call from my grandmother that she had a cancer cell in her right breast. I had an outer body experience, like is this really happening to me? A few days later, I went to a carnival. As I was driving to the carnival I turn into the parking lot and was hit by a car. I was not hurt, thank GOD. The emotional scars were beginning to form though. I stood in the parking lot from 8:00 pm to 9:45 pm, alone! The person who was at fault left me with my car, alone, waiting for the tow truck to come. Parking security vanishes and police drove around me as if I were in there way. A month later I go to the hair shop to get braids and I get 2 nd degree burns on my back! I spent my Friday night in the emergency room, hurt physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What I felt in that moment was, "Why am I creating this life with all my positive intentions and deeds?"

The reality of life is that bad things happen to good people. As we make our intentions to be positive every day, we have know our efforts are not in vain. Going through the valley makes us feel as if we have done something wrong. What the valley reminds us is that we are not in control. It is a humbling experience that puts on our hearts that it is time to pray, meditate, call family, an older saint or elder for much needed guidance. It is a reassurance that we can't do this thing called life alone.

How to create? If in a passing moment I feel pain, I counteract that with some feeling of joy. When I feel stressed and overwhelmed, I seek balance by doing things that brings me peace. I will stay in the space I am in, I express whatever I'm feeling no matter how hard it is. I then acknowledge my feelings as valid and find a healthy way to cope. And then moving forward I remind myself I have the power to create the outcome I desire. Watching Soulful Sunday on OWN, Sarah Ban Breathnach said, "Coming on the other side from pain to peace is like going through a tunnel". Pains valley can be a tunnel waiting for us to see the light on the other side. Apart of our journey will be dark and long like a tunnel, as we walk our path to LOVE. For me my mission is to come from a space of LOVE and acceptance at all times. LOVING all things as they are and accepting outcomes even if it is not want I wanted. I am learning in setbacks comes chances to be creative. Who will I be after I am faced with a challenge? How will I respond to the Universe when I feel the laws are not applying to my life? As I put the pieces together I ask GOD to send his comforter into my life and nurture me with LOVE. I ask for the lesson. Listen for it, receive the lesson, and go forward. Continue to create, where you are, no matter if it is at the top of the mountain or going through the valley!

Follow Your Heart

What I know for sure is that allowing others to dictate your future is a guaranteed failure. Stepping out on faith and doing what your heart says to do at times can be a very lonely and scary experience. There are times in life where no one will see the vision GOD has on your life but you. At any moment your heart will ask of you to do the very thing you fear. To fully experience everything this life has to offer we must start with our own heart. When you are disconnected from within it allows others to come into your life and talk you out of your personal truth! The older saints in church have a saying "I am glad that I know, that I know, that I know, that I know". It is simply saying I trust and believe in the truth that comes from my heart! It is the comfort of knowing that GOD lives in my heart and he is my guide. When no one else sees what GOD is doing in my life, I do not lose hope because I see it! I have learned to speak up for myself and honor my truth, by doing that I have strengthened my faith in myself. Find peace with the voice inside you. Let that voice heal you and keep you as you go through life. You cannot go wrong when you follow your heart! Do not allow the judgments of others to keep you from doing what your heart says. Reflect, pray, fast and meditate on what your life purpose is. Move forward with that peace of staying true to what your purpose is even if that means going alone. Following your heart at times is a lonely walk, but your heart will be at peace.

Music Mondays: Kim Burrell | NEW single "Sweeter"

Kim Burrell has touched our souls with her voice for many years now. With a voice like no other Kim Burrell knows how to minister to our hearts. Back with her LP titled “The LOVE Album” in my opinion, it is one of the best albums of this year. Kim Burrell does not disappoint as she allows the spirit of GOD to use her as she speaks about LOVE and how to LOVE each other the way Christ LOVES us. Remaking songs like “LOVE Me in a Special Way” by El Debarge and “LOVE’s Holiday” by Earth Wind & Fire she makes it clear that LOVE is not just a relationship between man and woman, but also with GOD.

Burrell makes her LOVE message clear with songs like “Pray for LOVE” and her remake of “Jesus Is a LOVE Song” by Karen Clark-Sheard. This is a worship CD! The lyrics heal your heart and the music moves your soul. The music will inspire you to lift your hands expressing LOVE to GOD for bringing you so far and expressing gratetiude because HE will take you even farther. LOVE is the new movement! In order to see a world of peace we have to first be a world filled with LOVE! Who is going to join the revolution with me? We speak and write about LOVE often, but we put it to practice when we live it! Let this album push you to the next level on your Spiritual Journey!

Here is the current single off of the “The LOVE Album” LP “Sweeter”.

Examine Your Heart

As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the person Proverbs 27:19

 

Today I challenge you to examine your heart. What does your hearts reflection say about who you are as a person? Does it reflect compassion, honesty, LOVE, and trust? Or does it say confusion, anger, bitterness, jealousy, fear, neediness and hate? Before you answer meditate on this for a second. We must first exam our heart for the scriptures says it is a reflection of who we really are. There was a time in my life that my heart reflected pain, anger, fear, and judgment of myself and others. The wall between myself and my family forced me to exam my own heart. I was already considered a "good" person by anyone's standard. But in order for me to grow I had to have the courage to change the things inside my heart that did not reflect GOD.

The truth is if our hearts are dark our life will tell this truth. Our hearts will be reflected in not only how we treat others, but most importantly how we treat ourselves. The hurtful words, the lies, and breaking commitments with our self and others are a result of being disconnected within. Start today by nurturing your heart. Listen to what it says because it is a reflection of who you really are.

Do not allow past hurts and disappointments to keep you from your greater self. Have the courage to exam your heart daily. Understand we all are sinners saved by grace. No one is above hatred, murder, aggressive sex acts, adultery, and living a lie. NO ONE! When we fully exam our hearts we will seek truth and know that being "good" does not make our hearts pure, but seeking forgiveness does! Cleanse your heart so your life can be the reflection of LOVE that GOD called you to be.

Music Mondays: Mary Mary- Sitting With Me- (Something Big Album)

I have heard many songs that have touched me, but nothing deeper than "Sitting With Me" by Mary Mary. The second verse is about a man who is waiting for marriage to have sex. Just like me I was told it is unnatural to wait, I will miss out on life by waiting too long and no man will wait for sex until marriage. Feeling alone, I have spent many Friday nights by myself. But I am OK, I will carry the cross as long as the Lord is sitting with me! Know that you may have to spend some time alone as well. Like Apostle Paul live your life completely for GOD while you are single! While you give your heart and soul to GOD watch him answer your prayers:)

Here are the lyrics of the second verse. Enjoy!



They said he wasn't ordinary 'cause he wanted to be married
Before he let himself, be with someone else
They even said he was unnatural
What they didn't see, didn't see that he
He was much more man than they'd ever be
'Cause he was a man, of integrity
Just like me he was Mr. Unpopular,
Never asked to be part of the in-crowd
Everyone knew who he was
Cause his life screamed Jesus out loud

Yeah I've been, left out, looked over
Just for carrying the cross on my shoulder
It's okay with me, if I'm the last one who's picked for the team
I'll sit on the sideline, as long as He's sitting with me.

I know someday I'll shine, I'll wait 'til it's my time
Lord I won't move, I'll sit with you

Courageous

Do you know the person who has all the best advice in the world but does not have the courage to live it themselves? You know the ones who will call you out for your shortcoming without having the courage to correct those same mistakes in themselves? I am sure like me you know someone who fits those two descriptions. Better yet, at some point in our lives that person was me and you. Through growth and being dead wrong I learned to be less judgmental and more compassionate. Remembering how flawed I am, I have less time and space to be concerned with anyone else.

 

In the bible it warns us of this type of pattern. The problem with this pattern is several things. One problem is that when we focus on everyone else's issues we loose focus on ourselves. Those of us who feel we have to give advice to everyone who comes in our path wither the person ask for advice or not is filling a void. That void is fear of dealing with our self! Stop and think about that for a minute. Is that you? Of course there is nothing wrong with giving advice under two circumstances. If the person asked for the advice or if you have the courage to live what you are saying!

 

The other problem with this pattern is ego. Ego is the part of who we are that needs to be validated by the world. The ego is that part of ourselves that has to show off what we know and come off as a "know it all". When the ego is involved no one learns anything! That is when we have to release ego and allow spirit to come in. You know when you have connected to Spirit because you no longer seek validation from the world. Spirit takes away the desire to prove others wrong and the need of approval. Spirit is an inner knowing that is within us that says I am okay as I am. That inner knowing also says to us what I do not like about myself I have the courage to correct before I find fault in or give advice to others.

 

Courage means the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. The act of courage is a spiritual one. It is not just a physical quest, but one that takes mind and spirit. When we are feeling pain, confusion, doubt and fear it takes courage to pull ourselves out of that place. To lead the life that we desire takes courage. It is not easy, especially for folks like me who come from families with patterns of abuse and neglect. In negative environments you learn early to live a lie and shrink within yourself. Or one I heard everyday "there are no books on how to be a parent". At times we accept failure in ourselves, but are very critical when we see it in others. Recognize these patterns in your life and have the courage to change it like I have in my own life. Have the courage to be the change you want to see in the world.

LOVE

If someone asked me have I changed much sense I was a little girl I would most certainly say yes! I no longer allow myself to be a push over. I am finally in touch with my emotions. I do not allow the concerns of this world to bring me down. I am no longer afraid to look a boy in the face, ok maybe just a little. All those things are true, I have progressed sense I was a little girl. The main reason is because I worked hard at being a better person all around. That has been my mission for the last ten years. When I turned 23 my life began to change, I noticed a strong desire in me to grow. After being raised in a home full of abuse and neglect I told myself I have to do better. I had to do better even if that meant moving forward by myself. And that is exactly what I did! The dream of being rescued faded and the overwhelming desire to be independent took over. Then somewhere along the journey I began to desire something else, the comfort of being supported and LOVED. I developed a strong need to have harmonious and peaceful relationships in my life. The need for dare I say a husband and to be cared for. I have not dealt with those emotions sense I was a child. I began to change, a long cry from that vulnerable child wanting desperately to be LOVED. Being that little girl was powerless to me and I needed my power back. Allowing ourselves to go through changes takes us to the place our soul craves. That is for us to come back home.

 

In the second grade I would have my first kiss. It was on the cheek, but yet it was still a kiss. It was not until the summer of the 4^th grade would I have a "real" kiss. That means tongue and everything! See growing up in the hood you moved fast. Everyone knew more than they should from listening to adults talk about their mess. To the neighborhood fights that teenage girls would have over their kid's dad who was by the same guy. I have seen it all! To my 7^th grade best friend hiding her pregnancy from me because I was one of the "good girls" so I would not understand. A kiss was all I was going to give a boy. I was raised to worry about school, work hard and when you are older worry about boys. So that is what I did! Well at least in real life.

 

In my fantasies my prince charming would take me away from all the madness in the world and make my life better. We would go to a place where it was perfect and instantly I became prefect too! I longed for that place, praying for my prince charming to come. Years went by he never came and then one day the light bulb came on, I realized that the only person that could make me happy was me. That broke my heart! The dreams where gone and my heart became harden. I no longer craved LOVE from a man or from anyone for that matter. I put a wall up with my family and everyone around me. Not dealing with the trauma from my childhood began to catch up with me. I was not fine, I was angry, I was hurt; I was no longer that little girl who everyone LOVED. I was no longer the little girl who smiled at everyone and gave a hug. The little girl who teachers adored and had many many friends. I over compensated for not feeling LOVED so I was extremely nice to everyone else to the point of neglecting myself. A natural people pleaser I learned at an early age to neglect myself for others even at the cost of my own mental health. So I became depressed, worried about my sister, my grandparents, and what I felt like my life should be. I was falling apart. I went through grieving stages before I finally had a break through.

 

I first was angry; I hated myself, my parents and my grandparents. Can I be real? The childhood I had was finally being dealt with, and it changed me. I learned to forgive. I learned to accept. I learned to say no. I learned to speak up. I learned to finally be me! I changed. From that stage grew a desire to be better so I read books and joined Al-Anon a program to help families and friends of alcoholics. Through Al-Anon I learned that I had to let go of my desire to control. I had to stop minding everyone else's business and start worrying about my own. Not easy, but I knew in order to get the life I dream of it would take hard work!

 

Years of healing I decided to go into ministry and give to others what I have received. A new lease on life! I was blessed with the opportunity to be free of family bondage and to create a new path for myself. The more I began to practice my new teachings the easier they became. Going home to family members who knew how to press my buttons would be a test. Hell, dealing with family members is STILL a test!! But I learned to soften my heart, to let it go! I would tell my family for the first time how I felt and then let them choose what they wanted to do next. Finally I was responsible for only MY actions and not the little girl who wanted to save everyone!

 

Sherri was a friend I had in school from the 5^th grade up to the 8^th grade. Sherri was not that nice as a person on the outside, but I knew she was just covering up from hurt. I knew deep down she was a sweetheart and I would let her know even as a little girl. GOD just allowed me to see that even as a child. Sherri and I would reunite yesterday on facebook after all these years. The first thing she said to me was "Tasha you are still sweet. I hope you did not let life get you down". That humbled me. She remembered that I was this little girl who LOVED way past my years. I did not care if you sold drugs, was in a gang, had sex, I LOVED you anyhow. And Sherri remembered that, we would send emails back and forth all night last night. When I went to sleep I thanked GOD for sending her my way. What Sherri has done is help me to remember where I come from. She helped me remember the person I once was. The little girl who believed in LOVE and was not afraid to express it! Today that little girl's LOVE radiates through my soul! She is in my very being and breaths me fresh life! That little girl who does not care what a man does but what his heart says he is! My soul craves the unity of this little girl so I can find the spirituality in LOVE again! My soul's journey was not to become serious and rigid, but to be free! My spirit now will be the sweet little girl who adores LOVE songs, holding hands and giving kisses! LOVE does not have to be a burden. It can be the very thing that frees us from the very things that weigh us down. My desire to LOVE gives me new joy I never knew was possible without having a romantic partner to share it with. I now am mature enough to give the LOVE I always gave to others back to myself! I believe in my prince charming again and that he will LOVE me just as I am. Whole, happy, healthy and sweet with a lot of LOVE to give!

 

 

I Am Doing It and Doing It and Doing It!!!

Life is going to be a challenge. There will be rough times, difficult situations, things to fall into, major obstacles, hurdles, stumbling, blocks, forks in the road, knives in the back, mountains to climb, things to get over, oppositions to resolve, unpleasantness to face, feelings to understand, disappointments to accept, mysteries to solve, wonders to unfold and promises to keep to yourself. Now that you know what to expect, prepare yourself. Get ready. The only way to get to where you want to be is to do what needs to be done to get there. Do it fast. Do it slow. Do it right. Do it up. Do it in the daylight. Do it by the moonlight. Do it alone. Do it with others. Do it for free. Get paid to do it. Do it with others. Do it for the world. The moment you give up on doing it, it will never get done.

Iyanla Vanzant Acts Of Faith

Mastering The Art of Being Alone pt.2

Being more and more like Christ is my constant motivation daily. My souls desire is to be like him in everything I do. When Christ walked the earth he was said to have a busy life. Healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, leading his disciples, and following the direction of his Father every moment of his earthly life. This is what makes Christ such a great example of LOVE because he sacrificed his life for GOD and the people of GOD because Jesus understood that discipline and order leads to a mastered life. In the scriptures it says, Afterwards he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone~Matthew 14:23. Seeking solitude was important for Christ. Jesus I believe understood the power of spending time with GOD and reflecting on what it is that GOD wants for his life. What a powerful teacher Christ is! He led by example! He made time for GOD and also for himself.

Making time for GOD and for ourselves is vital to our relationship with GOD and with our self. How do you build a relationship with someone you only spend time with every once in a while? How do you know yourself if you never or rarely spend time alone? The answer is you can't! Jesus understood this truth. In order to have a relationship with ourselves it first starts with GOD! Going to GOD in prayer and mediation is a spirit building exercise that will free you from the cares of this world. The stress of your job, feeling that your are single and nobody wants you, or everyone is in a happy relationship but you. All that stuff goes out the window when we build a deeper relationship with GOD. Because what happens is through GOD we gain strength. How do you think Jesus The Christ was able to walk the earth without worry of approval, or acceptance from others? He knew who he was, a child of GOD! Through that relationship we are healed and free! Praise the LORD! When Christ sacrificed his life for us on Calvary his intent was for us to live blameless lives. To not be bound by the cares if this world. To hold on to the promise of our heavenly Father. In order to know what that promise is we must spend some of our time alone. In solitary.

The thought of being alone is scary for some. The idea that no one will be there to comfort them physically makes some people literally fearful and it keeps them repeatedly going from relationship to the next relationship. Leaving no time for healing or any personal development. This creates a bad pattern in relationships. This is why I do not know how some folks are disappointed when their relationships do not workout. The reality is they do not have a relationship with themselves. Instead of spending a season of their life in solitary, they allow fear to motivate them to go into another unhealthy relationship. Our soul desires relationships. This deep longing is why we constantly want companionship. There becomes a deep seeded feeling that something is missing from our lives. It is natural to long for LOVE. In Genesis GOD made man and women because he said we were not made to be alone. The desire for a mate was put inside us from birth! What is not natural is the desperate attempts we make to fulfill our soul desire for LOVE! Which brings me back to my Aries South node and Libra North node.

The desperate North Node Libra would go out and find LOVE without realizing that LOVE has been there within the whole time. This is why my South node in Aries is a blessing. The reason is this influence allowed me to go deep within and spend time alone. By being alone I challenged myself to work through my emotions. I understood that in order for me to have a relationship with GOD, with myself, my family, and community, I had to start at the very beginning. I had to start with the source of all creation and build a solid foundation within.

Genesis is our best history lesson on building foundations. It tells us about our first mothers and fathers Adam and Eve and their natural desire to be close to one another. Adam said At last! She is part of my own flesh and bone! she will be called 'woman', because she was taken out of man~Genesis 2:23. That verse gives me chills! I pray for a man to say those words to GOD when he meets me! At last, Adam said to GOD. The women I prayed for my whole life. What a blessing ladies for a man to have that much favor in you! Adam's attraction to Eve was pure because she was in her natural form. She was the complete image of GOD. She was whole and new! She was pure and had never sinned! Adam made the connection because he seen himself in her. She was made of GOD's image and so was he! When we connect to our source, our creator, our GOD we are made whole! Being created in GOD's image we are LOVE because GOD is LOVE! So the feeling of being lonely and not good enough is not from GOD. In GOD we are prefect and pure. When we are one with GOD we have peace within. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit the bible says she was embarrassed and hid behind leaves. She no longer saw herself in the image of GOD. When we refuse to be alone we are saying we are ashamed of who we are. This fear makes us hide from GOD!

We hide when we won't look at ourselves in the mirror our soul reflect. We hide in relationships, we hide with our work, we hide with being everyone savior. In order to gain the freedom our soul craves we have to master the art of being alone. This freedom comes in many forms. It depends on the lesson GOD has for you! What I know for sure is in order to have the LOVING healthy relationships our soul craves we have to find the courage to be in solitary where you go to your scarce place and sit! When we truly have been healed and strengthened GOD will order our steps and prepare us for our beloved to arrive.

I am following my North node in this season of my life. I am the opposite of most people. Instead of fearing being alone, I fear being in a serious relationship! I have mastered the art of being alone and it is time for me to get out and greet the world! With an open heart and mind, I will be a happy single women with her heart open for LOVE. Embracing my need to be whole I will constantly spend time in solitary even when I am in a romantic relationship. Because now that my foundation is made it is up to me to nurture it. I know how to give myself what I need. I no longer search outside of myself for the LOVE I know that is within me! As my soul guides me to my beloved I know my reflection will draw him to me. I do not have to search for LOVE. I don't have to go out every weekend to be noticed by LOVE. Why? Because he is already in me. Just like LOVE is already inside of you!

Mastering The Art of Being Alone pt1

The path to LOVE begins when you realize that separation, loneliness, and the pain of isolation are real~Deepak Chopra. I remember like it was yesterday. I was 25 years old and I just graduated from college. I lived at home with my grandparents and still searching for a job. Feeling desperate, lonely, and anxious was a everyday experience. I made a habit of finding what was wrong with me and fixing it. Feeling UNLOVABLE I constantly sought LOVE from other places outside of myself. Fearing being alone forever I constantly dreamed and prayed for a husband who would make me complete. He would make me happy! As GOD would have his way this image was broken the day I read in Essence Magazine "NO Man Can Make You Happy". I have said that line to myself over and over like most people. But until that day it never sank in. Finally reality hit! Separation became real. The pain of being by myself became real. I broke down! I cried. I became angry. I said to myself if a man can't make me happy what is the point of being in a relationship? Boy, did I have a lot to learn.

I share that story because so many people still feel deep down inside wither they want to admit it or not that they believe someone will save them from themselves. The desire for LOVE for most people is motivated by fear or fantasy. In one of my favorite books The Path To LOVE Deepak Chopra writes about how most people live with images in their heads of the fantasy relationship that no one will live up to or the fear that they are not LOVABLE at all. Both extremes is what keeps romance at bay. To master the art of being alone or in solitary we have to embrace the reality that we are the only ones that are responsible for our own happiness. The day I realized this my life has not been the same.

Happiness is subjective. It looks and feels different to different people. That is why the journey is so important to do it alone. Yes, that is right I said it. ALONE *dun dun dun*! In order for us to reach new levels in ourselves we have to spend time in solitary. Being in solitary is being in your scarce place. Spending time alone does not mean using all your time and energy wondering when your soul mate will come. Spending time alone is nurturing your spirit/soul so your soul will seek out and draw your mate to you. Understanding this will set you free! There is nothing you can do to be more attractive to a person than nurturing and LOVING yourself!

In astrology you have what is called North node and South Node. South node is what we do naturally. Our North node is the direction our soul craves for us to go. Many astrologers make South nodes to be negative and North nodes to be positive. In order to be balanced and whole beings I believe it is wise to embrace both sides, our whole selves. My South node is in Aries. This shows my independent spirit. The part of me that does not understand why the whole world wants to be in a relationship. Being a solider for Christ is natural because I am a warrior! Having my South node in Aries makes me a natural leader and gives me a desire to be first at everything! My North node is in Libra. The polar opposite! This part of me is very ideal. I see romance and beauty in everything! My soul craves peace and harmony within. I am a natural visionary under this influence and all I see is a white picket fence 2.5 kids and a dog, hahaha.

How does one embrace both? Great that you ask! This is what we master when we are alone. In solitary we seek unity within. Reconnecting to yourself, the one you abandoned for the world! Living a solitary lifestyle I can hear clearly what GOD wants from me. I can see now that it is natural for me to be alone being that my South node influence is in Aries. GOD helped me to see that there is nothing wrong with being in a LOVING relationship, but everything must be done in order. Not out of fear or desperation! My disappointment with the reality of LOVE gave me a "me against the world" attitude. Needing someone made me feel powerless and that is not a natural feeling for me. Realizing this truth gave me the power I thought I would loose. I felt empowered by being honest with myself! Coming full circle is what leads us to our North node. Finally able to embrace the negative inside yourself encourages you to be better. My soul craves unity and a solid foundation in a relationship. In order to build solid foundations we must first start within. Going into a relationship without a solid foundation within yourself is like building a house on quick sand! As soon as reality hits and issues arise as they will everything will fall apart!

Find the courage to spend time in solitary. Ask your self honest questions like "would I marry me"? Spending a season of your life alone could be just what GOD wants to take you to the next level. At the next level there will many opportunities that wait for your arrival! Next will be Mastering The Art of Being Alone pt2.

Slow Down:Finding balance within!

Ok, so this season in my life I have been asking myself alot of questions. My soul's desire is to have balance in my life. So the new me is living with purpose and intent. So everything I do my soul desire is for it to have meaning. The reason is for me to add something positive to my life and bring the balance my soul craves.

In the past several years it seems everyone is an expert about something. So I have read standpoints from one extreme to the next. My goal is trying to find the right balance between the two. But the real goal is to find what is it that my heart desires? What is it that GOD is telling me to do? With so much advice I feel my head is spinning at times LOL. In the scriputers it says to be still in the mist of choas and confusion so you can hear the voice of GOD. So that's what I did. After reading so many articles, books and getting advice from many I learned the best answer comes from within!

I am a 32 year old virgin. Typing that makes me feel proud. We live in a time where everything is satuarated. Nothing is pure! Our bodies are dumping grounds for the quickest and easiest ways for cooking, losing weight, gaining weight, and getting pregnant! Now we are finding quick ways to fall in LOVE, and getting new jobs. Driving down the street, who drives the speed limit anymore? No wonder we have a hard time relating to others because we are detached from ourselves. We are so far detached from what GOD created us to be. In his image! I am not going to lecture whats good vs. evil. That's not the point. My point is simple, we expect long lasting results with less discipline to get it! How about those of us striving to loose unwanted pounds? We want 50 pounds to come off in four months and it took our whole or most of our lives to gain the weight! In order for us to get the lives our soul craves we must slow down!

The art of balance takes going within. Finding a voice inside ourselves that speaks to us in our darkest hour. I call that voice the Holy Spirit. When I hear the Holy Spirit speak to me I listen to see what GOD wants me to know. The tough part is it's not always what you want to hear, but it is nessary if you want to have the life your soul desires. Instead of always getting on the phone to call someone pray first! Write in a jornal or go for a walk. Mediate or sit still for at least five minutes. What is your soul asking of you? What is your soul asking for you to fulfill this life time? Clarity is inside of us all, but we must be willing to seek it. Imagine a life free of drama! Everyone around us is going mad and you are at peace. Woooo saaiii:) GOD says this is what he can give us if we only welcome him in!