Coming Of Age Story

October 23^rd I turned 33 years old. Shout out to all my Scorpios out there! I have serious Scorpio pride y'all. Anyways, I feel the best I have felt my whole life! When people say that they want to go back to their twenties I don't understand that sentiment. To go backwards is not progressive, especially how hard I had to work to get to where I am today. In my twenties I did not LOVE who I am, I put everyone on a pedestal, and suppressed my personal truth everyday! I am finally having the courage to be me! I do not act like I have it all together and somehow that makes me whole! But to get to where I am now has been a long journey. I have come full circle and have my own coming of age story.

Growing up I felt better being in the background. Out of fear of being seen and possibly criticized, I just stayed "out the way". When I did come out into the front it was me following behind someone. Sad I know! The constant feeling of not being worthy haunted me. If I stood out people would not like me I thought. And boy did I want to be liked by others. So I suppressed my opinions, thoughts, and feelings and went with the flow.

When my healing season began I was 23, that was ten years ago! I was heavy in church. I did not date. Wore long skirts, I was disconnected from my body, secretly hated myself and my parents too. The weight of depression forced me into counseling. I prayed for a transformation constantly. I wanted so badly to release the pain from my past and the hurts of my grandmothers and mother, who did not have the courage or resources to change. In Iyanla Vanzant's book "Acts of Faith" she says sometimes when we move forward we may have to go alone. That was my mantra! I went alone, proudly, boldly, ready for a transformed and healthy life. That journey was not easy because I did not have the support I needed from the people closest to me. So naturally I became angry! I began to express my pain and anger every chance I got. I told my family and friends what I thought about their choices in life and how they were settling for less. I also learned to let go!

Through my transformation I went through growing pains. I wanted so badly to break the cycle of neglect and abuse I became critical and a perfectionist! The harder I worked at being better the sadder I became. I wanted to be this perfect Christian, and the sweetest girl you could meet. What I began to do was neglect myself, and in the process everyone around me. So I began to practice being kind. Which is funny coming from someone who has been kind sense she was born. In the process everyone close to me was affected. So I became merciful like Christ. I learned how to LOVE the way Christ LOVED. I was so humbled with how much work I had to do I began to be more compassionate to everyone else. I realized that when we "get our house in order" we do not have time to worry about anyone else!

In 2010 I am proof just like the 33 miners in Chile that GOD still does miracles. No matter how dark, cold and bleak our lives look GOD can still bring us out! Every place I went I made sure to show people how great Christ is by still being LOVE while feeling pain. Christ did not only show LOVE to the holiest people or the cool people. Christ showed LOVE to everyone who sought him! On his journey before his death the bible says he would go from place to place seeking out those who wanted a new life. Christ gravitated to the people who just wanted to be healed, who wanted change. Christ died at 33 years old leaving behind a legacy of LOVE, hope, promise, and peace. At 33 that is something I hope I can give to others through Christ who strengthens me. We do not have to be perfect to know Christ. The irony is we must be more human! My coming of age story is about LOVE. LOVE of faith, LOVE of self, LOVE of family, LOVE of life! I have come full circle. To be like Christ is to celebrate who we are. To be like Christ is to accept others as they are. Because Christ whole mission was for us to be free! Free of any burdens that would weigh us down and keep us from giving and receiving LOVE. That is why he died. Like him I have died. Not a physical death, but a spiritual one. I am new, I am whole and I am free!

NOW!

What are you waiting for? I use to think when I get my dream job and my dream home and dream body my dream husband would appear. That life is a fantasy and it kept me from enjoying my life now. So what happens in the mean time? Do we sit around and wait for something great to just happen or do we make it happen? We make it happen!!!

You don't have to wait until your friends call! Matter fact STOP doing that too. I decided years ago that if I had to go alone I would to pursue my dreams and live in the now. And that's what I did in 2007 when I left home to live by myself in the DC area. Being by ourselves is hard, but necessary. The downside of having all these unnecessary people in our lives is that they give us nothing but takes all of our energy. Release them now and don't look back.

Celebrate life is my new mantra! While watching What Not to Wear on TLC I felt connected to one women's story. She like me had a Religious back ground. Due to her strict Religious upbringing she wore clothes that were blah. To be looked at as beautiful she confessed seemed as if it was a sin. Being spiritual was more important than feeling sexy! In her forties she sees herself as an ugly duckling. If you are a fan of the show you know at the very end they will show the results of the makeover by allowing each person to show off their new looks. I was in tears when I saw the now therapist in a fitted dress that was blue, nice hair cut and a glow to match! She said, "I have a much more balance of the idea of beauty". Profound!

How many of you are still hiding? Be that you are suppressed by Religion, family, society, or whatever can strip away your very identity. When we look at ourselves we closely relate who we are by our beliefs and our social status so it is no wonder we become slaves to these institutions. Without them we feel worthless. We have to connect to our real source and that is humanity! As human beings we will have our own way of living. What works for me will not work for you. Do not be afraid of standing out or being alone! Find the balance between what we are told to believe and who you REALLY are! Find out what your spiritual truths are so you can start living now!

The fear of being wrong always got to me. So I died spiritually in the process. Being sexy was for whores I was taught. If I wanted to be married I had to marry an ultra conservative Christian man who did everything according to the Bible. I met men who actually believed that they were Jesus himself and I NEVER felt compatible to them. Way too much pressure, I am too human for that! So I began to find my way. I wanted the happiness I seen on TV; the difference is I really wanted it! Not for show, but real life. I wanted to be a diva every day, not just when I go out on the weekends. Last month my job gave me an award that had nothing to do with teaching to my surprise. I received the "Stepping up your game" award. They gave me credit for wearing nice clothes and taking the time to make sure I am a professional when I walk through the door. The old Tasha would have hid behind the scene just blending in. The new Tasha stands out! I am finally living my life in the now!

Faith Evans- O' come all ye faithful

It is that time of year y'all! This is actually my favorite Holiday, it is Christmas time!!! I have to share with you one of my favorite Christmas songs. Faith Evans dropped her Christmas CD "A Faithful Christmas" in 2005! It is a classic! She has Kameelah Williams former lead singer of 702 singing the back round vocals on this track. Listen to this song, you are in for a treat:)

Master Teacher

You ever watched the movies where the teacher and the student work together? It's usually something like the teacher is "all knowing" and the student is in awe. The purpose of the teacher /student relationship is for growth. It is for both teacher and student to grow, for the better.

That's what happened to me Friday night as I seen Iyanla Vanzant in person for the first time. Seeing her in person gave me a rush. I had goose bumps and the tears were ready to form. As she walked on the stage I was the first person to jump to my feet and give her a standing ovation. At last my master teacher had arrived, what lessons would she have for me to learn today? As Iyanla took her seat the room was quite. Everyone was waiting for her first words. In true Iyanla form she started telling her story.

While Iyanla was speaking I was still in awe. I could not believe it was her standing right in front of me. I dreamed of this moment when I would see her face to face. I dreamed of that day when I still lived in my grandparents house I would sit in my bedroom and day dream about my future. I would think about the day when I would live in DC and I was doing the work GOD called me to do. I would have not known how to prepare myself for those dreams if it was not for Iyanla. That was seven years ago. I was a great student. I took notes. I observed. I asked questions. I took action.

The master teacher and student relationship at times is unbalanced. The relationship is usually the student giving the teacher an almost GOD like personality. The student without thinking seeks the teacher's approval more than GOD or themself. I thought I would never be as good as my teacher. I never once thought of being a life coach because I was not good enough. I did not see my teacher as someone who was once like me, a student. There was a time when she knew nothing and was striving to find her way just like me.

My moment of truth came the night I met her. I was passed my book of wisdom. I was told the stories of failed LOVES, family curses, and death. I was told now you go forth with what I know and be better. I was able to look at myself completely different for the first time. I no longer felt lack, but strength. Now I saw my master teacher as human and powerful as she opened her heart and told her truth. She was teaching. Again I was listening, learning, but something else happened. I realized I had mastered a lot of these things. The lessons that she was teaching was not for me. I had learned from her mistakes, learned from her success, read her work and passed the class!

I am now the master teacher. Does that mean I am all knowing? NO! Like Iyanla Vanzant I am learning, growing and at only 33 I have a lot of learning to do. I am not anywhere close to ending my journey. But I will no longer seek others to give me insight I already have within! I will no longer shrink at the thought of being a leader, a speaker, a writer, a master teacher. I know I prepared for this day! While everyone was out parting, I was home studying! While it was cool to date anyone and have a baby, I was studying. After years of studying I get it now. I finally get it! I walked out of the room where Iyanla spoke feeling I was the advanced student. I walked out the room as a student whose grades were higher than most although we were all in the same class. I am sure there were other honor students too. There were students who have been diligent studying for years too.

Knowing I have gained everything I needed as a student from my master teacher it was now my turn. Not to be like her, that's too much pressure. But more like being true to myself! After all that is what I learned the most. Knowing and LOVING self is half the battle. That is what I have mastered. I am ready to go out and inspire and teach all who GOD would place in my path. Prepared to go forth and have the courage to live what I teach. That is how you truly become a master teacher.

It Starts and End With YOU!

Reaching toward your own light can be scary, especially if you're used to living in the shadows of everyone else. I am a hard worker. I am a bit of a perfectionist. And I have a habit of making others larger than life. Sense I was a baby I found comfort in feeling like everyone else was better than I was. I wanted to be them and even more than that seek their approval. A few years ago I became tired and bored of constantly living through others. So I challenged myself to live in the now! That is what I did; I started enjoying my life where it is right now. What I did not master until Friday night is putting people on pedestal. What GOD wants for me is the same he wants for you, to walk into your greatness. You first have to know that you are great!

My aha moment came Friday night when I sat and listened to my hero Iyanla Vanzant speak. When Iyanla shared her story the façade faded. When she went to the stage she had a slight limp. You saw before you a woman who has been through a lot and by the grace of GOD was alive to share her story. I was not prepared for the lesson I would learn that night. I thought I would learn to take on the world and have many notes I would post on twitter and facebook. But what happened was totally different. The lessons I learned were not sexy, they were real.

Iyanla human side glowed Friday night. She confessed to everyone that she did not LOVE who she was. While in 2003 when I was reading Iyanla's work and applying these truths to my life she was dealing with a married man. I never would have painted that picture of her while reading her book. In my perception of her she had mastered self-discipline, and was at a point in her life where she was teaching us what she had learned along the way. I did not know she was still on that journey herself. Iyanla said in an interview her lowest moment helped her to put to practice what she had been teaching all along.

The most insight I received that night was while Iyanla was learning the tools she wrote about in her books, I had already mastered them! Yes me, the student, the mentee, the grasshopper. I listened, I watched, I studied and then I lived it. I broke four generational curses that I am aware of on my mother's side of the family. See before Friday night I would have given credit for my growth to Iyanla, to my pastor or my grandparents, but at the end of the day it starts and ends with me. What GOD has helped me to understand is that the women who came before me had a great life, but if I learn from them I will be even greater! My legacy will be my own. Your legacy will be your own.

Imagine Harriet Tubman as she is leading the pack of slaves to freedom. Imagine Coretta Scott King as she walks side by side with her husband the great Dr. Martin Luther King. Now imagine yourself. What are you doing? Are you still living in their shadows or coming out and creating your own legacy? These women had their own lives to lead, their own lessons to learn. Now it is time for us to learn ours. It's time we draw strength from them so their lives will not be in vain.

My nieces and nephews, students, mentees and future children will be even greater than I am due to what I had to endure. They will start a legacy of their own. What was tough for me will be easier for them. Why? It is because they will learn from my mistakes and will be better than I was. That is the legacy that I strive for now. I strive to build my own brand and in 30 years for a young women to tell me how my book has changed her life.

PEACE from Broken Pieces

Friday evening my life changed. I was to come face to face with a woman who has changed my life. I was hours away from touching her, hugging her and finally saying thank you. It has been several years sense Iyanla Vanzant has released a book. After going through heart ache she has come back as she only knows how, transformed! Iyanla's brand is about transformation, finding peace within, knowing who you are, and knowing your ancestors. In fact she is from who I learned to look at my mother and my grandmother and my grandmother's mother for help! In order to learn who we are we must know where we come from says Iyanla. As she said on BET award show Black Girls Rock, "If I stand tall it's because I stand on the back of Maya Angelou". And if I am standing tall it's because I am standing on the back of Ms. Iyanla Vanzant.

 

If you have heard Iyanla speak you know she LOVES to tell stories. In the mist of her stories are many truths. In the small intimate setting of Montgomery College Art Center I sat in the back row with my girlfriends and listened to Iyanla's every word. One of my friends is Ramunda who owns an online book store with her husband called mahogany books. Ramunda was asked to help Iyanla by selling Iyanla's books at the event. Pretty big deal! When Ramunda asked me to volunteer for Friday night I said yes without knowing who the author of the book was. I was just supporting my friend. She then calls me and says the book signing event is for Iyanla Vanzant. I screamed! What she did not know at the time is one of the reasons I moved to the DMV area is because of Iyanla Vanzant. Iyanla trains spiritual life coaches in Silver Spring MD. As an aspiring spiritual life coach I knew it would be the ideal place to relocate too. So with some fear , confusion, and Faith I moved knowing one day I would meet my mentor and she would give me peace about my decision to make Washington DC my home.

 

Stories from Iyanla's past were the theme for the night. In order for us to know how she arrived at this point in her life we had to understand where she comes from. Like most of Iyanla's supporters we know her story. Or so we thought we did. Iyanla opened up to us like never before. She spoke of a drunken mother who died when she was 9 and no one told her. She then moved with her grandmother only to become abused. Then her father and step mom came to her rescue only for her to then get raped from her drunken uncle. Sitting in my chair crying I thought about my own family. I began to think about my own drunken mother and grandmother. Not feeling LOVED for my entire life I felt Iyanla's pain. At 33 I felt alive because it was ok to tell your truth, your story. Iyanla in her fifties felt alive too as she moved acrossed the stage laughing, dancing and showing off her womanly figure. She was an inspiration as she spoke her truth.

 

What came as a shock to me was the sudden death of her daughter Gemmia. Not so much of her death because I heard about her death back in 2005, but what Iyanla learned from it. Iyanla said the death of her daughter taught her about her own mess. Reading her daughters journals she had to face the truth. The women with a long list of self help books, that are New York bestsellers might I add did not know herself! My hero I thought? Wait, my Iyanla? The women who has all this insight and wisdom? How could she not know who she is? She simply said "I knew what I was good at, but I did not know who I was".

 

The story did not end there as Iyanla spoke briefly about losing her home and then spoke of her husband. She fell in LOVE with him at 13 and many years and many relationships later between the two if them they decided to get married. Iyanla's husband was a married man, but she prayed for him. He left his wife for Iyanla to turn around and leave Iyanla for another woman. There were many lessons that I learned that night.

 

At the end of the night Iyanla said the book was written because she finally LOVES herself now. She is at peace. Iyanla found strength in her daughter's death by looking within. She encourages us all to do the same. To look within and not just stop with ourselves but go deep in our souls and find the spirit of our mother and mothers mother and mother mothers mother there! It's healing time!

 

I went back to the area where I was volunteering to sell books to the many people who had yet to buy a book and wanted it signed. When the line went down Mochca the promoter for the event told us to come get our books signed and take a group photo with Iyanla. Being in the last group gave me a chance to talk with Iyanla. I could not speak in depth as I wished but I told her about my mothers and grandmothers drinking habits. And Iyanla looked at me surprised. I then told her that Acts of Faith healed me and I thanked her. I gave her many hugs and kisses before we walked to our cars. I went home feeling tall because I was standing on my own legacy. Ready to walk into my own destiny! Finally I have found my PEACE from Broken Pieces.

I Surround Myself With People and Things That Are Good For Me

Don't hang out with people who are where you don't want to be. Your friends and the environment reflect what you really feel about yourself. Winners hang out with winners. Losers hang out with losers. When you are on the move, you need people and an environment that supports and encourages your dream. You won't find that among people who are helpless and hopeless. You won't find support for your goals among people who whine and complain. You must know and believe that there are people waiting for you in the places you want to be. They will nurture, support and encourage you to keep moving. People you know may not always support your growth. For you to move on means you leave them behind. It also means that you prove what they claim to be impossible is definitely possible.

Would You Marry You?

We are always looking for the perfect relationship. The goal is to find that perfect someone who will make our lives a better place to be. It is unfortunate that we don't realize perfection runs two ways. In order to find that perfect somebody, we must believe that, whatever perfect is, we have already achieved it. No one can give us what we don't already have. Mr. or Mrs. Right cannot be to us what we are not. If we are unhappy, unfulfilled, not pleased about who we are, we owe it to ourselves to stop looking. We have to ask ourselves: Would I marry me? Am I doing my best, giving my all, being the best I can be to myself? If not, why are we pawning ourselves off on someone else. We need to take time to do some homework on self-LOVE, self-esteem and self-confidence. When we can pass the test of self-acceptance, the perfect somone who will compliment all that we already are will walk right through the door.

I am Bringing 100% of Who I am To The LOVE Table

We have been taught that a relationship is a fifty-fifty proposition. A more accurate view is that two incomplete people can come together and find completion. This is false premise that has had a disastrous impact on our relationships. Each person must come into a relationship a whole, complete person who is able to handle the responsibility; willing to share in the relationship for mutual growth. Fifty-fifty relationships usually do not work. The premise is simple: What if both parties are missing the same thing? A relationship must not be a crutch. We want to develop complimentary unions where strengths and weaknesses have support. We want to be able to stand on our own, but stand a little taller in a relationship. We want to bring an identity to the table and have it reflected to us a little brighter. In a relationship, two halves do not make a whole, amd we cannot allow anyone else to take responsibility for our completion.

I'm Outta Here!

In honor Iyanla Vanzants new book, Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You're Going Through, I will take the words that changed my life the most from the pages of her book Acts of Faith.

For those closest to me know that Iyanla is a personal hero of mine. I began to watch Iyanla when she was on Oprah years ago. From there I bought her book Acts Of Faith. Next to the Bible, Acts Of Faith is the most important book in my life!! In Iyanla's new book she will discuss loosing her daughter, to her husband, to her home! WOW! This Friday I will meet Ms. Iyanla Vanzant at her book signing event in Silver Spring MD. Words can't describe my joy and excite for this day. I learned from someone that it's important to tell everyone who touched your life thank you. That person who taught me that was Iyanla Vanzant. Now I get to say thank you to her!!

Here are a few great words that changed my life!

I'm outta here! It really is just that simple. There comes a point in life when you get tired of feeling, doing and looking bad. When that time comes, you move on instantly. I'm outta here is an affirmation. A statement of truth. It gives power to your decision to no longer be where you are physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm outta here puts the world on notice that you have a commitment to be better, do better, have more than you have right now. Debit-I'm outta here! Make a budget and payment plan. Stick to it. Illnesses-I'm outta here! Take responsibility, not pills, for what ails you. Find out what you are doing that is not good for you and stop! Lousy job-I'm outta here! Figure out what you like to do, want to do and what you are good at and do it. Struggle-I'm outta here! Do not beat up on yourself. Do not criticize yourself. Above all, do not limit yourself. Pick yourself up. Put yourself on a path and let yourself know I'm outta here!

God's Property - Love

This song is heavy! This really touched me this morning. Hope it does the same for you:)

You Don’t Know Who God Has For You!

When making heavy decisions in life it is a challenge. I mean not only do we have to fight the mental chatter in our heads, but we must fight the criticism of others as well. Learning to fight the urge to please others has been a constant battle for me sense I was a little girl. This started as early as I can remember for me, probably about 8 or 9 years old. Making a decision about life in general was hard, but about dating was even harder. It seemed I asked for too much or not enough. I was too distant and men could not bond with me or I was too emotional and scared them away. Now you maybe begin to see why I shied away from dating for awhile. The funny thing is I began to date as early as 9 years old! But I was usually in control of dating who I wanted without judgment of others. Then one day that would all change.

There was this kid named Peanut in my neighborhood. Peanut was really popular, everybody knew Peanut. Everyday Peanut and four of his brothers would play basketball, touch football, kickball you name it with all the kids in the neighborhood. One day while walking up the stairs to my friend's house I noticed a group of boys sitting on the stairs. As I began to walk up the stairs I then realized the boys were Peanut and his brothers. I said hello, smiled and continued to walk. Then I heard Peanuts older brother say, "You know my brother Peanut likes you". I replied, "Me"? Wondering when in the hell did this happen? I remember looking at Peanut and he had this big smile on his face and I was scared to death! What do I say I thought to myself? Peanuts older brother said, "Do you like him"? Then out of nowhere I said, "No". My heart sank because I did not want to hurt his feelings, I just did not like him! His brother's reply was, "So you think you are too good for my brother"? Of course I didn't, but his goal was to intimidate me and he did! I said, "No" and he responded, "Well date him then". Feeling guilty I said, "Ok". From that day I have not been the same.

I share that story because it was one of the most traumatic situations that happened to me. That is why I can remember everything about that moment. It shaped the way I look at myself. It shaped the way I look at men. From that moment on I began to listen to everyone but myself on how to date men. I feared missing out on what GOD has for me, so I dated men I did not like hoping to get what I want. That is silly right? I know. My sister said to me one day, why do so many people think there are general answers to questions without knowing the persons story first? That is true, why do we do that? Today we have so many "relationship experts" who tell us who to date and not to date. What most folks do not take into consideration is our personal story. That one small thing can change how dating will be different from one person to the next person.

I believe the whole concept of someone not knowing who GOD has for them is tricky. To me it's like saying, you will not get what you want, so be happy AND grateful for second best!!! For example when I say I don't see myself dating a white man I hear, "You don't know who GOD has for you". What about I only date men older than I am because I need a man who is mature I hear, "You don't know who GOD has for you". Or even worse your friend is trying to hook you up with a guy you do not feel a connection with and she is pushing you into feeling this guy she says, you guessed it, "You don't know who GOD has for you". I believe this type of philosophy is what will keep us from our destiny! STOP listening to men or women who don't know your story, but will be arrogant enough to give you advice! Listen to your heart because that's where GOD is. In the scriptures it says that in our hearts GOD resides. So if we listen to our hearts how can we not know what GOD has for us? See we spend so much time striving to get people to co-sign what we believe we forget to take it to GOD in prayer!

When I was 12 I did not know better. I did not believe in myself because I was reminded everyday how different I was. The devil keeps us from our purpose by planting seeds of doubts in our mind. He also uses people to confirm those doubts in our mind that we already feel about ourselves. This is why we must strengthen ourselves. You will NEVER know everything there is to know about life. But one thing is for sure if you know yourself and GOD it will be very difficult for a man to come in your life who was not sent from GOD! When we are in a space of acceptance of who we are our minds will be at peace. No more confusion and doubt! Your vision will be clear and decisions will be made with a "no" and the guilt will be long gone! Sure no one knows who GOD has for them, but do not allow that to truth keep you from following your heart! Know that it's ok to be wrong and to change your mind. Free yourself and let GOD be your guide!