Music Mondays

David Banner and 9th Wonder come together for classic music! For people who say that there is no longer good hip-hop need to listen to this single. Death Of a Pop Star is the CD title of 9th and Banner's new CD that will be out tomorrow in stores and also itunes and amazon. I have followed both of these two artist for years and think it is dope that they came together. Here is "Be With You"

My BELOVED

As a little girl I would day dream often. I was the little girl who LOVED Barbie dolls. I would play for hours and hours combing their hair and picking out perfect cloths. My grandparents blessed my sister and me with a Barbie house and car. The Barbie house was pink and had three stories. This Barbie dream house made me think of being in my own dream home one day. Yes, at 8 years old I daydreamed of marriage. I dreamed of marriage because I wanted my knight in shining armor. I am a romantic so I longed for a strong, charming man to take me away on his white horse to a life that was better than my own. Broken, I wanted someone perfect to come into my life and make me whole. So my ideal men kept me. This image of a man who would LOVE me in spite of my flaws lived in my daydreams night and day. It was not until I was 25 I realized this image does not exist! Can you imagine the 8 year old girl inside me screaming?

 

From pain to distant I went. I paid no attention to men. I became bitter and completely shut off. Although I was not aware I was in this stage in my life, because I called it "being independent". I would often say "I don't need a man". How many times have you heard that line? Hell, how many times have you said it? Being independent means not needing anyone. I pride myself on being able to take care of myself. My grandparents raised me to do so. What I was not taught was it is ok to need someone. Being vulnerable is not a weakness, but the only true way to fully experience LOVE.

 

It was not my grandparents fault for not teaching me a balance views of LOVE because they are a product of what they were taught. We all are. What we have to do is figure out are we being the authors of our own LOVE story or are we allowing others to write our pages? Up to this point in my life everyone wrote my pages. I said nothing when the countless of people told me this is who I needed to be to be LOVED. I strived to be perfect, to have it all together only to realize no one does. By me seeking perfection in myself I also sought that in my mate. Going on that path I would be lost forever.

 

Finding my path to LOVE has taken much needed heart to hearts with myself. What I come to realize is my soul craves someone I can depend on. My soul craves a connection to someone so deep it is a spiritual one. No more fear of being vulnerable. Yes, I do need a man. I was created to need a man and embracing that fact has set me free. The myth that you have to neglect yourself for another is not true! In order to truly be a great partner you have to be fully present. You have to be aware and accountable. If you neglect yourself how you can have a functional healthy relationship?

 

Every day I look forward to going to facebook because I get what is called "A message from GOD". I eagerly click on the link waiting to see what GOD has to say. The joy comes from knowing that there is a word from GOD that was just for me. Two weeks ago I received a message that said "On this day GOD wants you to know that your deepest connection to God is through your beloved". This message set me free, the last quarter of this year my heart has shifted towards meeting my BELOVED. GOD told me in order to have a closer relationship with HIM I have to open my heart to someone else. Breathe. What a word. Do you understand what GOD is saying? Our very nature is LOVE, connection, bonding, prayer, letting go, and opening up to our mates. When we are in that space we are opening a place in our hearts for GOD!

 

Think of that 8 year old girl who longed for her knight and shining armor to save her from herself. A man who would get on one knee and say "you my BELOVED is all I want". Hearing there is no such thing as happy ever after I gave up on LOVE. My heart became hard. My mind became limited. My vision became blurred. Not knowing what to do, I did what I knew how, prayed! GOD said you need to let go! You need to go back to that little girl who craved LOVE for nothing else other than the joy of having a connection with another person. As that little girl I was free, open and honest. You could see my passion for life in my face. That little girl is back! As I write my own chapters I believe in a happy ever after. That's right I said it! This is my story remember? My happy ever after will be with the man who dances with me as we go through life's ups and downs. He will hold my hand and make me laugh. He will let me cry and be there if I just need a hug. He does not have to be perfect at all. He just has to know GOD. And through knowing GOD my future BELOVED has a better relationship with me. And I will have a closer relationship with my first BELOVED. That is GOD.

Rebirth!

What is in a name? I strongly believe the name we are given at birth will impact who we become as people. We can speak life into our children by giving those names that will fulfill their life's prophecy. This has led me to learn my name. In 1995 during a trip to Dallas Texas I bought a name plaque with a description. The description was dead on! What really stuck out to me was the meaning of my name. Natasha means birthday of the Lord or rebirth! As someone who has such a deep relationship with the Lord I thought, ok my grandfather and mom was onto something. I would live a life full of transformations. I would be reborn!

 

As the year 2010 comes to a close and we approach the birthday of the Lord (although some argue the date is in the spring or fall) I sit and reflect. As I reflect on this past year I am not the person that I was last year. While most people struggle with moving through life, it has become easier and easier for me. Although it has not always been that way, what has gotten me to where I am now is embracing change.

 

2011 will be here and things will be different. If you find yourself stuck now is the time to figure out why. If you want to benefit from a new and exciting year it starts now! The transformation does not start January 1 2011. The transformation takes time and practice. It takes discipline and order. What is it that you really want out of the New Year? Better yet, what did not happen this year that you would like to see next year?

 

Many questions you can ask yourself as we move through the month of December. I have enrolled in college classes. I graduated in 2003 and did not continue to get my masters due to needing a job. GOD blessed me with a career in teaching. As a teacher there are professional goals that I now must meet. My professional goal for the New Year is to become a certified teacher so I can begin to work in a Public School. I feel that a new year will bring new opportunities, but not without hard work on my part! So today I scheduled classes, checked on status for money, and discussed courses with professors. Instead of waiting for an advisor to tell me what classes to take I researched the info myself. I am in control of my future and by the will of GOD it is all coming together.

 

I have a new passion for writing. I get inspired daily by life and get excited to share that information with you. That is my rebirth. Instead of just writing, I write with passion, joy, LOVE and a thirst to teach. I see 2011 as a year of untold opportunities. I am finally walking into all aspects of my life not afraid of success or failure.

 

What are you pushing back? Are you afraid it will never work? Allow yourself a rebirth, a reinvention if you will. Knowing that your life is not your own, but an instrument for something greater than yourself. As the New Year approach look at your life now. Join me as I boldly go where I have never been before, facing new challenges that await me. As I shed layers of myself like a cocoon, I am now a butterfly ready to sore. Break free! Are you living the life you dreamed of for yourself? Do you need to grow in some areas? Allow yourself to move forward, to transform, to have a rebirth.

Music Mondays

This is one of my favorite songs ever! I was told as a little girl that "little ol' me" could not change the world. I dreamed of peace and harmony for everyone. Raised around violence and neglect I wanted people to see the LOVE in themselves and others. To this day I dream this dream. I understand the pain of those of us who dream of the world of LOVE, peace and kindness..this is our sack full of dreams.

Performed by Donny Hathaway Live! One of the best vocalist ever please enjoy "Sack Full Of Dreams".

I Want The Man GOD Made For Me!

A wealthy Roman matron says to a rabbinic sage, "Since your Creator God made the universe in seven days, what's he been doing since?" The Sage replied, "He's been making couples." The Roman woman says, "I can do that!" She proceeds to command one hundred slaves to be coupled off and sends them to a great dwelling. After one night, the place is in shambles; the couples have fought and degenerated into chaos. In defeat and shame, she goes back to the Sage and says, "Oh, that's no minor thing that your God does."

Music Mondays

A romantic relates to the world through music. We let the lyric nurture our hearts and mind. It feeds our soul and speaks to our spirits deeply. It’s more than a hit record, but for me a life changing song. I enjoy different types of music so I am not the music snob. I will not down talk songs that are out now, but will celebrate good music that are out today. I will call this music Mondays. I have been complimented on my good taste in music so I want to show that range. Happy Monday!



Eric Benét - Take It (Feat Chrisette Michele) This CD was released last week along with many other great R&B CDs. This song I LOVE because this is the type of man I want! A man who is not afraid to take control! Enjoy...

What Is Your Word?

There is a scene in Eat Pray LOVE where the characters are sitting at the table getting ready to eat Thanksgiving dinner. This scene is actually my favorite part. In this particular scene one of the characters talks about what their "word" is. He then asks Julia Roberts's character "What is your word", she says a wife and finally she says "I am a writer". The whole table erupts saying that is what you "do" not who you "are"! She sits there clueless, not knowing her word. Her friend then says "you are women searching for your word".

 

So I challenge you today to think of your word. Are you a man or a woman searching for your word? How would you describe you? Too many times we describe ourselves by our mates, or our jobs. We even say we are mothers or daughters. Yes, that is a big part of who we are, but it does NOT define us! To know your word you have to dig deep. Pull back the layers and see what's hidden there.

 

Our word can be the very thing that takes us to the next level in our life. Our word can affirm our existence and help us on own journeys. Our word is what lies in the pit of our being that we are afraid to embrace. That thing that wants to be addressed finally for the first time! It will feel so good that when you say it you will breathe fresh air! It's one word you would use to describe who you are.

 

So what is your word? What is your soul saying to you right now? It might take time, your word may come at a later time when you least expect it. I know what mine is, my word is LOVE.

I Am My Mother’s Daughter

I do not know what your history is. My history is of heartbreak and brokenness. My mother gave birth to twin girls at 16 years old. She never raised us a day in her entire life. About the time I was in elementary school my mother and my grandmother where "functioning" alcoholics. My grandmother worked, took care of my mother's children all while being drunk. So imagine the relationship with my mother and grandmother growing up. The constant power struggles, broken promises, lack of affection, and lots of finger pointing. There was chaos and lots of pain in my household. That is who I am. That is what I come from. As much as I want to distant myself from my mother I know I am my mother's daughter.

 

When we look at our mothers we are quick to point out their flaws. We are quick to say that we would never be like them. Well, too late! You are your mother's daughter. There is a genetic linking between a mother and a child at birth. Whatever our mother felt during the time of pregnancy until birth will be rooted deep inside of us. The joy, the happiness, the LOVE, the peace will be deeply rooted in our being. The flip side of that truth is the pain, anger, fear, hate, and inner war will be deeply seated in our being as well.

 

Growing up fast, my mother would have kids at 16. When I was born I was conceived through fear, shame, confusion, lust, pain, abandonment issues, man problems, stubbornness, and rebellion. My mother's baggage became my own. All of the LOVE and joy GOD gave to me from the womb was stripped away from me the moment the doctor said "push".

 

If you would have asked me at 15 if I was anything like my mother I would have had said hell no! As a matter of fact I did everything in my power to be the exact opposite. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I am a virgin, and I graduated from college. I made it my personal mission to break our family curse. What I did not know was my curse was deeper than I thought. My own fear of success, of committing to a relationship comes from my mother. The shame and guilt for speaking up for me came from my mother. The addiction came from my mother. For me it is an addiction of food. Or anything that gives me pleasure. In order to become better we have to first know something is wrong. One day I woke up and I felt something is wrong.

 

This feeling was no longer about my mother, it was about me. I seen the patterns and wanted help right away. I no longer wanted to hate my mother, I wanted to heal. By me trying to be "perfect" made me miss the lesson. The lesson is that I am like my mother and that is ok. You are like your mother and that is ok. Breathe. Our mother's are a part of who we are. To disconnect from them means we are not connected to ourselves. This is why the world is so unbalanced and the crime rate is high. There are too many children disconnected from their mommies. They grow up to be adults who are disconnected as well. And when that woman then has children the cycle continues until she decides it stops with me!

Accepting your mother does not mean accepting the problem, it means releasing the control the problem has over you! It's making peace with your past, so you may have a brighter future. Your children now have a chance at a healthier life because they will not be born into the same confusion you were. For those who have peace with their mothers GOD bless you. For you already know the secret to a balanced life. Pray for the rest of your sister friends to get there as well.

“Everybody Needs a Husband”

The title is a quote taken from the movie "Eat Pray LOVE". While watching this movie I cried within the first five minutes of the movie! You know as the saying goes "art inmate's life". And in the case of this movie that saying rings true. Traveling across the globe Julia Roberts's character finds the courage to dig deep and go on this journey alone; still she is constantly reminded of how much she needs a man. One line that jumped out was when a character who was obsessed with the idea of marriage said to Julia Roberts's character "Everybody needs a husband".

 

I was thinking in my head what Julia Roberts character said out loud "I am tired of everybody saying I need a man". From the end of last year into this year that is all I have heard. I have heard "go out and meet a guy", "You look so nice I know you are not going home", or my favorite "You are single because you are always at home". And like Julie Roberts character I tell them "I am tired of everybody saying I need a man".

 

To me it seems that everyone is more concerned with me being single than I am. My guess is that there are several reasons. I believe too many men and women are co-dependent on relationships. Of course everyone deserves LOVE. I have believed this in my entire being sense I was a little girl. My concern is when LOVE is no longer a choice, but when it is used to fill a void.

 

I grew up in a co-dependent house hold. I first heard the term co-dependency from my recovering drug addicted step mom. She met my dad in AA (Alcohol Anonymous) and they fell in LOVE. Years later she would go through her healing and she understood where the addict's behavior came from. She would say co-dependency is more than drugs or alcohol, but it can also be people or things too. That's when it hit me, I was co-dependent. My co-dependency pattern was developed by my parents. I had addicts on both sides of my family being my mother, father, and grandmother. I have seen things taken away such as, a house, cars, money, and many people. Afraid of losing something I clanged to everything and everyone. When I became an adult I realized this was a problem.

 

When I went back to Oklahoma during my junior year in college my twin sister and friends came to see me twice. I went to college only 30 minutes away from my hometown! I was heartbroken! In the past everywhere I went my twin was with me. And everywhere she went I was right there too. Then life happened. She fell in LOVE and had children. Being by myself for the first time I felt alone. Tired of being the victim I dealt with that co-dependency demon once in for all. Years of going to counseling and reading tons of books related to breaking bondages I was finally healed. Now only to be reminded every day I still need someone in my life to feel good about my worth.

 

This is where I get confused. Why encourage co-dependency? I would meet many women who after their husbands left them they had nothing! They were forced to start over with their children. I vowed that would never be me! So I chose to follow GOD and not a man. That seems odd in this day in time, but I needed to cleanse myself of everything that would make me relapse. In the process I learned who I am and what my purpose on earth is. Similar to the lead character in "Eat Pray LOVE", I had to be alone to find my way.

 

Yes, I have come full circle and I know that I indeed need a husband! Yes, LAWD!!! But in order to have a healthy balanced relationship we have to live our lives our way without being co-dependent on anyone. No one will understand the vision GOD has for you but YOU! Stop trying to convince others of your purpose and live it! Have the courage to walk away from what's not working in your life and you will soon walk into what will. The man you pray for, that job, better health will come your way but you have to be prepared to receive it.

 

Needing a man is natural. Coming from someone who has been abandoned by men my whole life it has taken healing for me to feel that way. I have major control issues because I had to learn to protect myself. Now depending on someone to protect me is no easy lesson. Will he abandon me like my father? Will I abandon myself like my grandmother? Will I abandon myself worth like my mother? Those fears constantly haunt me as I open my heart to LOVE. Just months ago I would have said I am not interested in a relationship. GOD has softened my heart. So I finally understand the importance of needing a husband, but I will never understand why as a society that's all we are encouraged to look forward too.

 

Coming Of Age Story

October 23^rd I turned 33 years old. Shout out to all my Scorpios out there! I have serious Scorpio pride y'all. Anyways, I feel the best I have felt my whole life! When people say that they want to go back to their twenties I don't understand that sentiment. To go backwards is not progressive, especially how hard I had to work to get to where I am today. In my twenties I did not LOVE who I am, I put everyone on a pedestal, and suppressed my personal truth everyday! I am finally having the courage to be me! I do not act like I have it all together and somehow that makes me whole! But to get to where I am now has been a long journey. I have come full circle and have my own coming of age story.

Growing up I felt better being in the background. Out of fear of being seen and possibly criticized, I just stayed "out the way". When I did come out into the front it was me following behind someone. Sad I know! The constant feeling of not being worthy haunted me. If I stood out people would not like me I thought. And boy did I want to be liked by others. So I suppressed my opinions, thoughts, and feelings and went with the flow.

When my healing season began I was 23, that was ten years ago! I was heavy in church. I did not date. Wore long skirts, I was disconnected from my body, secretly hated myself and my parents too. The weight of depression forced me into counseling. I prayed for a transformation constantly. I wanted so badly to release the pain from my past and the hurts of my grandmothers and mother, who did not have the courage or resources to change. In Iyanla Vanzant's book "Acts of Faith" she says sometimes when we move forward we may have to go alone. That was my mantra! I went alone, proudly, boldly, ready for a transformed and healthy life. That journey was not easy because I did not have the support I needed from the people closest to me. So naturally I became angry! I began to express my pain and anger every chance I got. I told my family and friends what I thought about their choices in life and how they were settling for less. I also learned to let go!

Through my transformation I went through growing pains. I wanted so badly to break the cycle of neglect and abuse I became critical and a perfectionist! The harder I worked at being better the sadder I became. I wanted to be this perfect Christian, and the sweetest girl you could meet. What I began to do was neglect myself, and in the process everyone around me. So I began to practice being kind. Which is funny coming from someone who has been kind sense she was born. In the process everyone close to me was affected. So I became merciful like Christ. I learned how to LOVE the way Christ LOVED. I was so humbled with how much work I had to do I began to be more compassionate to everyone else. I realized that when we "get our house in order" we do not have time to worry about anyone else!

In 2010 I am proof just like the 33 miners in Chile that GOD still does miracles. No matter how dark, cold and bleak our lives look GOD can still bring us out! Every place I went I made sure to show people how great Christ is by still being LOVE while feeling pain. Christ did not only show LOVE to the holiest people or the cool people. Christ showed LOVE to everyone who sought him! On his journey before his death the bible says he would go from place to place seeking out those who wanted a new life. Christ gravitated to the people who just wanted to be healed, who wanted change. Christ died at 33 years old leaving behind a legacy of LOVE, hope, promise, and peace. At 33 that is something I hope I can give to others through Christ who strengthens me. We do not have to be perfect to know Christ. The irony is we must be more human! My coming of age story is about LOVE. LOVE of faith, LOVE of self, LOVE of family, LOVE of life! I have come full circle. To be like Christ is to celebrate who we are. To be like Christ is to accept others as they are. Because Christ whole mission was for us to be free! Free of any burdens that would weigh us down and keep us from giving and receiving LOVE. That is why he died. Like him I have died. Not a physical death, but a spiritual one. I am new, I am whole and I am free!

NOW!

What are you waiting for? I use to think when I get my dream job and my dream home and dream body my dream husband would appear. That life is a fantasy and it kept me from enjoying my life now. So what happens in the mean time? Do we sit around and wait for something great to just happen or do we make it happen? We make it happen!!!

You don't have to wait until your friends call! Matter fact STOP doing that too. I decided years ago that if I had to go alone I would to pursue my dreams and live in the now. And that's what I did in 2007 when I left home to live by myself in the DC area. Being by ourselves is hard, but necessary. The downside of having all these unnecessary people in our lives is that they give us nothing but takes all of our energy. Release them now and don't look back.

Celebrate life is my new mantra! While watching What Not to Wear on TLC I felt connected to one women's story. She like me had a Religious back ground. Due to her strict Religious upbringing she wore clothes that were blah. To be looked at as beautiful she confessed seemed as if it was a sin. Being spiritual was more important than feeling sexy! In her forties she sees herself as an ugly duckling. If you are a fan of the show you know at the very end they will show the results of the makeover by allowing each person to show off their new looks. I was in tears when I saw the now therapist in a fitted dress that was blue, nice hair cut and a glow to match! She said, "I have a much more balance of the idea of beauty". Profound!

How many of you are still hiding? Be that you are suppressed by Religion, family, society, or whatever can strip away your very identity. When we look at ourselves we closely relate who we are by our beliefs and our social status so it is no wonder we become slaves to these institutions. Without them we feel worthless. We have to connect to our real source and that is humanity! As human beings we will have our own way of living. What works for me will not work for you. Do not be afraid of standing out or being alone! Find the balance between what we are told to believe and who you REALLY are! Find out what your spiritual truths are so you can start living now!

The fear of being wrong always got to me. So I died spiritually in the process. Being sexy was for whores I was taught. If I wanted to be married I had to marry an ultra conservative Christian man who did everything according to the Bible. I met men who actually believed that they were Jesus himself and I NEVER felt compatible to them. Way too much pressure, I am too human for that! So I began to find my way. I wanted the happiness I seen on TV; the difference is I really wanted it! Not for show, but real life. I wanted to be a diva every day, not just when I go out on the weekends. Last month my job gave me an award that had nothing to do with teaching to my surprise. I received the "Stepping up your game" award. They gave me credit for wearing nice clothes and taking the time to make sure I am a professional when I walk through the door. The old Tasha would have hid behind the scene just blending in. The new Tasha stands out! I am finally living my life in the now!

Faith Evans- O' come all ye faithful

It is that time of year y'all! This is actually my favorite Holiday, it is Christmas time!!! I have to share with you one of my favorite Christmas songs. Faith Evans dropped her Christmas CD "A Faithful Christmas" in 2005! It is a classic! She has Kameelah Williams former lead singer of 702 singing the back round vocals on this track. Listen to this song, you are in for a treat:)

Master Teacher

You ever watched the movies where the teacher and the student work together? It's usually something like the teacher is "all knowing" and the student is in awe. The purpose of the teacher /student relationship is for growth. It is for both teacher and student to grow, for the better.

That's what happened to me Friday night as I seen Iyanla Vanzant in person for the first time. Seeing her in person gave me a rush. I had goose bumps and the tears were ready to form. As she walked on the stage I was the first person to jump to my feet and give her a standing ovation. At last my master teacher had arrived, what lessons would she have for me to learn today? As Iyanla took her seat the room was quite. Everyone was waiting for her first words. In true Iyanla form she started telling her story.

While Iyanla was speaking I was still in awe. I could not believe it was her standing right in front of me. I dreamed of this moment when I would see her face to face. I dreamed of that day when I still lived in my grandparents house I would sit in my bedroom and day dream about my future. I would think about the day when I would live in DC and I was doing the work GOD called me to do. I would have not known how to prepare myself for those dreams if it was not for Iyanla. That was seven years ago. I was a great student. I took notes. I observed. I asked questions. I took action.

The master teacher and student relationship at times is unbalanced. The relationship is usually the student giving the teacher an almost GOD like personality. The student without thinking seeks the teacher's approval more than GOD or themself. I thought I would never be as good as my teacher. I never once thought of being a life coach because I was not good enough. I did not see my teacher as someone who was once like me, a student. There was a time when she knew nothing and was striving to find her way just like me.

My moment of truth came the night I met her. I was passed my book of wisdom. I was told the stories of failed LOVES, family curses, and death. I was told now you go forth with what I know and be better. I was able to look at myself completely different for the first time. I no longer felt lack, but strength. Now I saw my master teacher as human and powerful as she opened her heart and told her truth. She was teaching. Again I was listening, learning, but something else happened. I realized I had mastered a lot of these things. The lessons that she was teaching was not for me. I had learned from her mistakes, learned from her success, read her work and passed the class!

I am now the master teacher. Does that mean I am all knowing? NO! Like Iyanla Vanzant I am learning, growing and at only 33 I have a lot of learning to do. I am not anywhere close to ending my journey. But I will no longer seek others to give me insight I already have within! I will no longer shrink at the thought of being a leader, a speaker, a writer, a master teacher. I know I prepared for this day! While everyone was out parting, I was home studying! While it was cool to date anyone and have a baby, I was studying. After years of studying I get it now. I finally get it! I walked out of the room where Iyanla spoke feeling I was the advanced student. I walked out the room as a student whose grades were higher than most although we were all in the same class. I am sure there were other honor students too. There were students who have been diligent studying for years too.

Knowing I have gained everything I needed as a student from my master teacher it was now my turn. Not to be like her, that's too much pressure. But more like being true to myself! After all that is what I learned the most. Knowing and LOVING self is half the battle. That is what I have mastered. I am ready to go out and inspire and teach all who GOD would place in my path. Prepared to go forth and have the courage to live what I teach. That is how you truly become a master teacher.

It Starts and End With YOU!

Reaching toward your own light can be scary, especially if you're used to living in the shadows of everyone else. I am a hard worker. I am a bit of a perfectionist. And I have a habit of making others larger than life. Sense I was a baby I found comfort in feeling like everyone else was better than I was. I wanted to be them and even more than that seek their approval. A few years ago I became tired and bored of constantly living through others. So I challenged myself to live in the now! That is what I did; I started enjoying my life where it is right now. What I did not master until Friday night is putting people on pedestal. What GOD wants for me is the same he wants for you, to walk into your greatness. You first have to know that you are great!

My aha moment came Friday night when I sat and listened to my hero Iyanla Vanzant speak. When Iyanla shared her story the façade faded. When she went to the stage she had a slight limp. You saw before you a woman who has been through a lot and by the grace of GOD was alive to share her story. I was not prepared for the lesson I would learn that night. I thought I would learn to take on the world and have many notes I would post on twitter and facebook. But what happened was totally different. The lessons I learned were not sexy, they were real.

Iyanla human side glowed Friday night. She confessed to everyone that she did not LOVE who she was. While in 2003 when I was reading Iyanla's work and applying these truths to my life she was dealing with a married man. I never would have painted that picture of her while reading her book. In my perception of her she had mastered self-discipline, and was at a point in her life where she was teaching us what she had learned along the way. I did not know she was still on that journey herself. Iyanla said in an interview her lowest moment helped her to put to practice what she had been teaching all along.

The most insight I received that night was while Iyanla was learning the tools she wrote about in her books, I had already mastered them! Yes me, the student, the mentee, the grasshopper. I listened, I watched, I studied and then I lived it. I broke four generational curses that I am aware of on my mother's side of the family. See before Friday night I would have given credit for my growth to Iyanla, to my pastor or my grandparents, but at the end of the day it starts and ends with me. What GOD has helped me to understand is that the women who came before me had a great life, but if I learn from them I will be even greater! My legacy will be my own. Your legacy will be your own.

Imagine Harriet Tubman as she is leading the pack of slaves to freedom. Imagine Coretta Scott King as she walks side by side with her husband the great Dr. Martin Luther King. Now imagine yourself. What are you doing? Are you still living in their shadows or coming out and creating your own legacy? These women had their own lives to lead, their own lessons to learn. Now it is time for us to learn ours. It's time we draw strength from them so their lives will not be in vain.

My nieces and nephews, students, mentees and future children will be even greater than I am due to what I had to endure. They will start a legacy of their own. What was tough for me will be easier for them. Why? It is because they will learn from my mistakes and will be better than I was. That is the legacy that I strive for now. I strive to build my own brand and in 30 years for a young women to tell me how my book has changed her life.

PEACE from Broken Pieces

Friday evening my life changed. I was to come face to face with a woman who has changed my life. I was hours away from touching her, hugging her and finally saying thank you. It has been several years sense Iyanla Vanzant has released a book. After going through heart ache she has come back as she only knows how, transformed! Iyanla's brand is about transformation, finding peace within, knowing who you are, and knowing your ancestors. In fact she is from who I learned to look at my mother and my grandmother and my grandmother's mother for help! In order to learn who we are we must know where we come from says Iyanla. As she said on BET award show Black Girls Rock, "If I stand tall it's because I stand on the back of Maya Angelou". And if I am standing tall it's because I am standing on the back of Ms. Iyanla Vanzant.

 

If you have heard Iyanla speak you know she LOVES to tell stories. In the mist of her stories are many truths. In the small intimate setting of Montgomery College Art Center I sat in the back row with my girlfriends and listened to Iyanla's every word. One of my friends is Ramunda who owns an online book store with her husband called mahogany books. Ramunda was asked to help Iyanla by selling Iyanla's books at the event. Pretty big deal! When Ramunda asked me to volunteer for Friday night I said yes without knowing who the author of the book was. I was just supporting my friend. She then calls me and says the book signing event is for Iyanla Vanzant. I screamed! What she did not know at the time is one of the reasons I moved to the DMV area is because of Iyanla Vanzant. Iyanla trains spiritual life coaches in Silver Spring MD. As an aspiring spiritual life coach I knew it would be the ideal place to relocate too. So with some fear , confusion, and Faith I moved knowing one day I would meet my mentor and she would give me peace about my decision to make Washington DC my home.

 

Stories from Iyanla's past were the theme for the night. In order for us to know how she arrived at this point in her life we had to understand where she comes from. Like most of Iyanla's supporters we know her story. Or so we thought we did. Iyanla opened up to us like never before. She spoke of a drunken mother who died when she was 9 and no one told her. She then moved with her grandmother only to become abused. Then her father and step mom came to her rescue only for her to then get raped from her drunken uncle. Sitting in my chair crying I thought about my own family. I began to think about my own drunken mother and grandmother. Not feeling LOVED for my entire life I felt Iyanla's pain. At 33 I felt alive because it was ok to tell your truth, your story. Iyanla in her fifties felt alive too as she moved acrossed the stage laughing, dancing and showing off her womanly figure. She was an inspiration as she spoke her truth.

 

What came as a shock to me was the sudden death of her daughter Gemmia. Not so much of her death because I heard about her death back in 2005, but what Iyanla learned from it. Iyanla said the death of her daughter taught her about her own mess. Reading her daughters journals she had to face the truth. The women with a long list of self help books, that are New York bestsellers might I add did not know herself! My hero I thought? Wait, my Iyanla? The women who has all this insight and wisdom? How could she not know who she is? She simply said "I knew what I was good at, but I did not know who I was".

 

The story did not end there as Iyanla spoke briefly about losing her home and then spoke of her husband. She fell in LOVE with him at 13 and many years and many relationships later between the two if them they decided to get married. Iyanla's husband was a married man, but she prayed for him. He left his wife for Iyanla to turn around and leave Iyanla for another woman. There were many lessons that I learned that night.

 

At the end of the night Iyanla said the book was written because she finally LOVES herself now. She is at peace. Iyanla found strength in her daughter's death by looking within. She encourages us all to do the same. To look within and not just stop with ourselves but go deep in our souls and find the spirit of our mother and mothers mother and mother mothers mother there! It's healing time!

 

I went back to the area where I was volunteering to sell books to the many people who had yet to buy a book and wanted it signed. When the line went down Mochca the promoter for the event told us to come get our books signed and take a group photo with Iyanla. Being in the last group gave me a chance to talk with Iyanla. I could not speak in depth as I wished but I told her about my mothers and grandmothers drinking habits. And Iyanla looked at me surprised. I then told her that Acts of Faith healed me and I thanked her. I gave her many hugs and kisses before we walked to our cars. I went home feeling tall because I was standing on my own legacy. Ready to walk into my own destiny! Finally I have found my PEACE from Broken Pieces.

I Surround Myself With People and Things That Are Good For Me

Don't hang out with people who are where you don't want to be. Your friends and the environment reflect what you really feel about yourself. Winners hang out with winners. Losers hang out with losers. When you are on the move, you need people and an environment that supports and encourages your dream. You won't find that among people who are helpless and hopeless. You won't find support for your goals among people who whine and complain. You must know and believe that there are people waiting for you in the places you want to be. They will nurture, support and encourage you to keep moving. People you know may not always support your growth. For you to move on means you leave them behind. It also means that you prove what they claim to be impossible is definitely possible.

Would You Marry You?

We are always looking for the perfect relationship. The goal is to find that perfect someone who will make our lives a better place to be. It is unfortunate that we don't realize perfection runs two ways. In order to find that perfect somebody, we must believe that, whatever perfect is, we have already achieved it. No one can give us what we don't already have. Mr. or Mrs. Right cannot be to us what we are not. If we are unhappy, unfulfilled, not pleased about who we are, we owe it to ourselves to stop looking. We have to ask ourselves: Would I marry me? Am I doing my best, giving my all, being the best I can be to myself? If not, why are we pawning ourselves off on someone else. We need to take time to do some homework on self-LOVE, self-esteem and self-confidence. When we can pass the test of self-acceptance, the perfect somone who will compliment all that we already are will walk right through the door.

I am Bringing 100% of Who I am To The LOVE Table

We have been taught that a relationship is a fifty-fifty proposition. A more accurate view is that two incomplete people can come together and find completion. This is false premise that has had a disastrous impact on our relationships. Each person must come into a relationship a whole, complete person who is able to handle the responsibility; willing to share in the relationship for mutual growth. Fifty-fifty relationships usually do not work. The premise is simple: What if both parties are missing the same thing? A relationship must not be a crutch. We want to develop complimentary unions where strengths and weaknesses have support. We want to be able to stand on our own, but stand a little taller in a relationship. We want to bring an identity to the table and have it reflected to us a little brighter. In a relationship, two halves do not make a whole, amd we cannot allow anyone else to take responsibility for our completion.

I'm Outta Here!

In honor Iyanla Vanzants new book, Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You're Going Through, I will take the words that changed my life the most from the pages of her book Acts of Faith.

For those closest to me know that Iyanla is a personal hero of mine. I began to watch Iyanla when she was on Oprah years ago. From there I bought her book Acts Of Faith. Next to the Bible, Acts Of Faith is the most important book in my life!! In Iyanla's new book she will discuss loosing her daughter, to her husband, to her home! WOW! This Friday I will meet Ms. Iyanla Vanzant at her book signing event in Silver Spring MD. Words can't describe my joy and excite for this day. I learned from someone that it's important to tell everyone who touched your life thank you. That person who taught me that was Iyanla Vanzant. Now I get to say thank you to her!!

Here are a few great words that changed my life!

I'm outta here! It really is just that simple. There comes a point in life when you get tired of feeling, doing and looking bad. When that time comes, you move on instantly. I'm outta here is an affirmation. A statement of truth. It gives power to your decision to no longer be where you are physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm outta here puts the world on notice that you have a commitment to be better, do better, have more than you have right now. Debit-I'm outta here! Make a budget and payment plan. Stick to it. Illnesses-I'm outta here! Take responsibility, not pills, for what ails you. Find out what you are doing that is not good for you and stop! Lousy job-I'm outta here! Figure out what you like to do, want to do and what you are good at and do it. Struggle-I'm outta here! Do not beat up on yourself. Do not criticize yourself. Above all, do not limit yourself. Pick yourself up. Put yourself on a path and let yourself know I'm outta here!

God's Property - Love

This song is heavy! This really touched me this morning. Hope it does the same for you:)

You Don’t Know Who God Has For You!

When making heavy decisions in life it is a challenge. I mean not only do we have to fight the mental chatter in our heads, but we must fight the criticism of others as well. Learning to fight the urge to please others has been a constant battle for me sense I was a little girl. This started as early as I can remember for me, probably about 8 or 9 years old. Making a decision about life in general was hard, but about dating was even harder. It seemed I asked for too much or not enough. I was too distant and men could not bond with me or I was too emotional and scared them away. Now you maybe begin to see why I shied away from dating for awhile. The funny thing is I began to date as early as 9 years old! But I was usually in control of dating who I wanted without judgment of others. Then one day that would all change.

There was this kid named Peanut in my neighborhood. Peanut was really popular, everybody knew Peanut. Everyday Peanut and four of his brothers would play basketball, touch football, kickball you name it with all the kids in the neighborhood. One day while walking up the stairs to my friend's house I noticed a group of boys sitting on the stairs. As I began to walk up the stairs I then realized the boys were Peanut and his brothers. I said hello, smiled and continued to walk. Then I heard Peanuts older brother say, "You know my brother Peanut likes you". I replied, "Me"? Wondering when in the hell did this happen? I remember looking at Peanut and he had this big smile on his face and I was scared to death! What do I say I thought to myself? Peanuts older brother said, "Do you like him"? Then out of nowhere I said, "No". My heart sank because I did not want to hurt his feelings, I just did not like him! His brother's reply was, "So you think you are too good for my brother"? Of course I didn't, but his goal was to intimidate me and he did! I said, "No" and he responded, "Well date him then". Feeling guilty I said, "Ok". From that day I have not been the same.

I share that story because it was one of the most traumatic situations that happened to me. That is why I can remember everything about that moment. It shaped the way I look at myself. It shaped the way I look at men. From that moment on I began to listen to everyone but myself on how to date men. I feared missing out on what GOD has for me, so I dated men I did not like hoping to get what I want. That is silly right? I know. My sister said to me one day, why do so many people think there are general answers to questions without knowing the persons story first? That is true, why do we do that? Today we have so many "relationship experts" who tell us who to date and not to date. What most folks do not take into consideration is our personal story. That one small thing can change how dating will be different from one person to the next person.

I believe the whole concept of someone not knowing who GOD has for them is tricky. To me it's like saying, you will not get what you want, so be happy AND grateful for second best!!! For example when I say I don't see myself dating a white man I hear, "You don't know who GOD has for you". What about I only date men older than I am because I need a man who is mature I hear, "You don't know who GOD has for you". Or even worse your friend is trying to hook you up with a guy you do not feel a connection with and she is pushing you into feeling this guy she says, you guessed it, "You don't know who GOD has for you". I believe this type of philosophy is what will keep us from our destiny! STOP listening to men or women who don't know your story, but will be arrogant enough to give you advice! Listen to your heart because that's where GOD is. In the scriptures it says that in our hearts GOD resides. So if we listen to our hearts how can we not know what GOD has for us? See we spend so much time striving to get people to co-sign what we believe we forget to take it to GOD in prayer!

When I was 12 I did not know better. I did not believe in myself because I was reminded everyday how different I was. The devil keeps us from our purpose by planting seeds of doubts in our mind. He also uses people to confirm those doubts in our mind that we already feel about ourselves. This is why we must strengthen ourselves. You will NEVER know everything there is to know about life. But one thing is for sure if you know yourself and GOD it will be very difficult for a man to come in your life who was not sent from GOD! When we are in a space of acceptance of who we are our minds will be at peace. No more confusion and doubt! Your vision will be clear and decisions will be made with a "no" and the guilt will be long gone! Sure no one knows who GOD has for them, but do not allow that to truth keep you from following your heart! Know that it's ok to be wrong and to change your mind. Free yourself and let GOD be your guide!

What Lies Beneath?

Have you ever taken the time to break down what it is you want? Not just what we want, but the root of what we want? Looking deeply at our wants helps us to see the REAL reason behind our motivations.

 

Being a Scorpio it is not tough for me to dig deep. Hell, I go deep on a regular basis. I thrive on finding out the secrets of life and using them as keys to get me to a better place in my life. I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with going deep. They are not in touch with their emotions. Digging deep is an emotional journey that takes time and patience. Being that you may not feel comfortable at first, or at second, but give it a few more tries and it will begin to feel normal.

 

Why dig deep you ask? Simple: Digging deep gets to the core of our hearts true desires. Our core desires allows us to see ourselves for who we REALLY are, not the image we want to give to the world.

 

Digging deep I found out several things about myself. I really LOVE mysticism. As a spiritual warrior I constantly seek new information for strength in my day to day life. I seek less traditional places than most. I seek hidden secrets from places like astrology, numerology and my latest Tarot readings. One of my readings was the Nine of Chalices card. The information on the card said that I need to be sure that what I am asking for it is really what I want. In other words "Be careful what you wish for". The card encouraged me to look deep. It also encouraged me to Break Down what it is I want so I can see the REAL reason behind it.

 

The card gave me an example to help me see what my true desires are. The example was: [Do I want] Outward beauty, or the comfort of being truly loved and appreciated? Whoa! I had to read that twice!!! I struggled being chubby my whole life. I always thought I was pretty. What made me question my beauty was when I met men who passed me over for the skinny girl. Now as a grown woman I carry that with me. I constantly say to myself "he will not date me I am fat". So I lose without even getting in the game! Yes, I want to feel better and look better, but if I am honest it is not 100% for me. My longing for true LOVE pushes me in a corner. Digging deep what I really long for is being LOVED for who I really am. Being smaller is a quick way to get a man's attention so that is where my energy has always been. But today I desire to be LOVED more than on a superficial level. I want to be LOVED deeply for who I am. My REAL desire is to be truly LOVED and appreciated, not just to be physically desirable to a man!

 

That goal starts with me seeking LOVE today as I am, not losing 20 more pounds and then dating. To wait until "I am ready" is saying I am not worthy of LOVE as I am now. Of course I am smart of enough to know this is not true, but my heart has a tougher time understanding this concept. My point is it is easy for us to get on a soap box and sound so intelligent, but at the end of the day we all want the same thing. We just want to be LOVED for who we are. If we are honest with ourselves we may find that we do things out of character to have it! For me it is my weight, for you it could be something totally different!

 

Deep down inside I long for connections. I have created a habit of keeping my distance. I was raised to trust few people and with a few bad experiences in life I have reasons to. I am now pushing fear aside and making the space in my heart for true LOVE to appear. I am not perfect and this is not in any way to make me or anyone else to feel guilty. This is a simple wakeup call if you will. This practice is to remind us we are human. We are fragile and weak. No matter how successful we are there are dark parts of our character that needs to be addressed. I am finally home! I am at a place in life where I can talk about my short comings and strive to get better inside and out. Knowing our true motivations can be liberating. Well, that's what it is for me! When I tell my truth I expose the enemy. He can no longer hold me in emotional bondage because speaking to the situation gives it light! We do not have to allow our souls to be in a dark place. Reveal your heart's desire by speaking your truth!

 

 

LOVE

If someone asked me have I changed much sense I was a little girl I would most certainly say yes! I no longer allow myself to be a push over. I am finally in touch with my emotions. I do not allow the concerns of this world to bring me down. I am no longer afraid to look a boy in the face, ok maybe just a little. All those things are true, I have progressed sense I was a little girl. The main reason is because I worked hard at being a better person all around. That has been my mission for the last ten years. When I turned 23 my life began to change, I noticed a strong desire in me to grow. After being raised in a home full of abuse and neglect I told myself I have to do better. I had to do better even if that meant moving forward by myself. And that is exactly what I did! The dream of being rescued faded and the overwhelming desire to be independent took over. Then somewhere along the journey I began to desire something else, the comfort of being supported and LOVED. I developed a strong need to have harmonious and peaceful relationships in my life. The need for dare I say a husband and to be cared for. I have not dealt with those emotions sense I was a child. I began to change, a long cry from that vulnerable child wanting desperately to be LOVED. Being that little girl was powerless to me and I needed my power back. Allowing ourselves to go through changes takes us to the place our soul craves. That is for us to come back home.

 

In the second grade I would have my first kiss. It was on the cheek, but yet it was still a kiss. It was not until the summer of the 4^th grade would I have a "real" kiss. That means tongue and everything! See growing up in the hood you moved fast. Everyone knew more than they should from listening to adults talk about their mess. To the neighborhood fights that teenage girls would have over their kid's dad who was by the same guy. I have seen it all! To my 7^th grade best friend hiding her pregnancy from me because I was one of the "good girls" so I would not understand. A kiss was all I was going to give a boy. I was raised to worry about school, work hard and when you are older worry about boys. So that is what I did! Well at least in real life.

 

In my fantasies my prince charming would take me away from all the madness in the world and make my life better. We would go to a place where it was perfect and instantly I became prefect too! I longed for that place, praying for my prince charming to come. Years went by he never came and then one day the light bulb came on, I realized that the only person that could make me happy was me. That broke my heart! The dreams where gone and my heart became harden. I no longer craved LOVE from a man or from anyone for that matter. I put a wall up with my family and everyone around me. Not dealing with the trauma from my childhood began to catch up with me. I was not fine, I was angry, I was hurt; I was no longer that little girl who everyone LOVED. I was no longer the little girl who smiled at everyone and gave a hug. The little girl who teachers adored and had many many friends. I over compensated for not feeling LOVED so I was extremely nice to everyone else to the point of neglecting myself. A natural people pleaser I learned at an early age to neglect myself for others even at the cost of my own mental health. So I became depressed, worried about my sister, my grandparents, and what I felt like my life should be. I was falling apart. I went through grieving stages before I finally had a break through.

 

I first was angry; I hated myself, my parents and my grandparents. Can I be real? The childhood I had was finally being dealt with, and it changed me. I learned to forgive. I learned to accept. I learned to say no. I learned to speak up. I learned to finally be me! I changed. From that stage grew a desire to be better so I read books and joined Al-Anon a program to help families and friends of alcoholics. Through Al-Anon I learned that I had to let go of my desire to control. I had to stop minding everyone else's business and start worrying about my own. Not easy, but I knew in order to get the life I dream of it would take hard work!

 

Years of healing I decided to go into ministry and give to others what I have received. A new lease on life! I was blessed with the opportunity to be free of family bondage and to create a new path for myself. The more I began to practice my new teachings the easier they became. Going home to family members who knew how to press my buttons would be a test. Hell, dealing with family members is STILL a test!! But I learned to soften my heart, to let it go! I would tell my family for the first time how I felt and then let them choose what they wanted to do next. Finally I was responsible for only MY actions and not the little girl who wanted to save everyone!

 

Sherri was a friend I had in school from the 5^th grade up to the 8^th grade. Sherri was not that nice as a person on the outside, but I knew she was just covering up from hurt. I knew deep down she was a sweetheart and I would let her know even as a little girl. GOD just allowed me to see that even as a child. Sherri and I would reunite yesterday on facebook after all these years. The first thing she said to me was "Tasha you are still sweet. I hope you did not let life get you down". That humbled me. She remembered that I was this little girl who LOVED way past my years. I did not care if you sold drugs, was in a gang, had sex, I LOVED you anyhow. And Sherri remembered that, we would send emails back and forth all night last night. When I went to sleep I thanked GOD for sending her my way. What Sherri has done is help me to remember where I come from. She helped me remember the person I once was. The little girl who believed in LOVE and was not afraid to express it! Today that little girl's LOVE radiates through my soul! She is in my very being and breaths me fresh life! That little girl who does not care what a man does but what his heart says he is! My soul craves the unity of this little girl so I can find the spirituality in LOVE again! My soul's journey was not to become serious and rigid, but to be free! My spirit now will be the sweet little girl who adores LOVE songs, holding hands and giving kisses! LOVE does not have to be a burden. It can be the very thing that frees us from the very things that weigh us down. My desire to LOVE gives me new joy I never knew was possible without having a romantic partner to share it with. I now am mature enough to give the LOVE I always gave to others back to myself! I believe in my prince charming again and that he will LOVE me just as I am. Whole, happy, healthy and sweet with a lot of LOVE to give!

 

 

Plus Size AND In Shape?

I remember wanting to be a size 8! I was in high school. At that time it seemed no one was comfortable with being plus size. There were very few plus size stores to shop in. I shopped in catalogs often to find clothes that were plus size and trendy. Stores like The Avenue and Lane Bryant were good, but were a bit old fashion. Being inspired by fashion, I always wanted to be fly! Fly is looking good from head to toe. Toes done, nails done, everything did via Swizz Beats. I began getting my nails and hair done when I started working at 15. So being fancy began years ago for me! My grandmother would say "No one is going to say who dressed that child. They will say who is that child's mother?" So I learned at an early age to look my best no matter how much money I have, my size or if I am just going to 7 eleven. Although, I will throw on a house coat and go to the store in a minute. My environment nurtured a natural diva! Deep down inside I NEVER wanted to be plus size. Who does? I wanted to be smaller, prettier, and for men to see me as sexy! What better way to be sexy than to have a great figure, I thought? Now I will ask: Can you still have a great figured and wear a size 16?

Going to the doctor I remember being told to lose weight. I am 4'11 and at that time was about 170-180 pounds. For my height the doctor advised me to lose up to 60 to 70 pounds to be at my "desired" weight. I thought, what?! So I have to lose half my weight to be considered in shape? How is that? If I weighed 150 and worked out regularly wouldn't I still be in shape? This was in 1994. In 2010 most doctors will agree that being a few pounds over your height/weight requirement would not classify you as out of shape. They would encourage regular work out and a healthy diet. That is what I promote!

At 32 I no longer want to be a size 8. Looking up to Jada Pinkett Smith in High School made me want to lose so much weight. Being that she was short like I am I wanted to look like her. But that is not who I am. Jada is beautiful as a naturally small woman. I am a naturally curvy woman. I had to learn that being in "shape" does not look the same for everyone. Embracing our bodies gives us back control. We are forced to pay attention to it and no longer neglect our bodies in search for a better or perfect one.

I recently found an online blog community that promotes plus size beauty. Everyone is beautiful and they all have different body types. Seeing these women have given me confidence I did not know I had. Not only were they plus size, but fashion experts too. So I now can be fly and plus size! This season in my life I am no longer playing it safe! I am stepping out my box and will be sexy, fun, and sweet all at the same time. And I can be all those things wearing size 12/14 jeansJ.

Sense I first wrote about my weight lost journey I have lost a total of 18 pounds. As anyone who has lost weight, it is challenging. I grew up on fried chicken and candied yams! So as you might imagine eating bake chicken has not been easy for me. For the first time today I went to McDonalds to buy dinner and ordered a salad and not chicken nuggets. That was a big step in my weight loss process. It's not about being a size 8 anymore. It is about being healthy. Making better choices with my life is my goal. I want to live a long life filled with good health, LOVE and financial prosperity. That journey begins with making better choices no matter how small the choices may seem. At 70 years old I want to eat leafy green salads and baked chicken. And from time to time make fried chicken and candied yams.

I know in many plus size circles mentioning weight loss is taboo. But I will say do not box yourself in! Being healthy is not about size, it is about habits. I know many women who are size 5 and have terrible eating habits. It is easy to make this assumption with a woman who wears a size 15. But if that size 15 women ate healthy and worked out regularly she would be in great shape. And when the next trend comes out she does not have to worry if she would look great in the outfit! Being in shape does take commitment to our self regardless of our size. LOVE your body enough to want the best for it. Not just to put on the latest fashion accessory that is easy. Recently my grandfather almost lost his life. It was a shock because he almost lost his life due to his poor nutrition not the surgery itself! I am now going to take better care of myself. I will be the healthiest thick girl I know! I will live outside the box. Finally having the courage to be in shape!

Cravings!!!

While in class yesterday my co-teacher was playing play-doh with the students. The teacher made a dog and some Hersey Kisses Cookies. As soon as I seen the play-doh cookie, my cravings began. Yes, play-doh cookies trigger my cravings because they looked just like the real thing, lol. I have a problem with giving into temptations. If I see something I like then I will crave it until I get it. I do not like NO, or being told you can not have it. Being denied what I want for me as a Scorpio is being denied the right to a full life. So learning to practice discipline with eating is my current goal. So I did not give it another thought. I took a deep breath and kept working on my lesson plan. I confessed to my colleagues that if I talk about or even see a commercial of something I want I will began to crave it. I then will go and get it. We all laughed. Marketing experts know what they are doing!! Shortly after one teacher said "well then I want a million dollars". We laughed again, but this time something touched me. When we really look at our cravings deeply it is telling us we lack something. The answer depends on what the cravings are. Our desires or cravings are in us for a reason. Our desire is our passion towards what it is we want out of life. So why don't we pursue our passions as aggressively as we pursue our vices?

For some of us to think about becoming a millionaire the first thought might be, yea right. Some may have found peace with the idea of not having that much money, but strive for other goals. Maybe a desire to live free of debit. To loose a few pounds. To quit their dead end job and start their own business. Whatever those personal cravings are, I am encouraging us to get it. Just like when we pursue that skirt on sale or those new pair of J's. If we have the courage to dig deep we will see that there are things we deeply crave, but some how they are on the back burner.

I am a goal nut! I have owned a planner every year sense my junior year in college back in 2001. I keep track of my progress wither it has to do with personal or professional goals. It helps me to live an orderly life. I will admit that I have not pursued most of my goals with the same desire as I go after my vices. You know the things we know we should avoid but give them too much power? Like sweets, men or women who should not be in our lives, or over spending and not enough saving. Those things that keep us bound up and not living the life we really crave!

Visiting my sisters job a older gentlemen asked me what brought me from Oklahoma all the way to Northern VA. I simply answered "better opportunities". As we began to talk he asked why was I not in the public school like I desired but teaching in Head Start. It's not a knock to Head Start he said, but when you know someone is great you wonder why they are not living up to their full potential. We talked for ten minutes and he gave me a good ol' fashion pep talk. And some gems, because several years ago he was a teacher also:) The blessing in diguise was I knew that I was not aggressively pursuing my goals. I was aware of them and working towards them, but not as diligently as I ought too. So right away I received the message as a word from GOD and reflected on my goals when I went home.

Dictionary.com says the definition of cravings is great or eager desire; yearning. To yearn for something so much that it is all you think about. You will not stop at anything until you gain it. Usually this is seen in a negative light. You know how to stop bad habits? Replacing them with better ones. So to put a spin on our negative cravings let's invest time on the positive ones. The cravings that will get us to the place in our life we desire. Push yourself through the discomfort. Affirm yourself by saying things like "The positive cravings is what you really want", "In order to break the cycle it starts with me", "We do not stop habits, we make better ones". Talk yourself out of your low moment so you can come out of it feeling better and stronger than you did before. You have all the power within! It is up to you what and whom you give that power too.

The Day I Will Never Forget!

August 29, 2010 was the day that my life was changed forever. Growing up in Oklahoma I was exposed to hard core rap and R&B. It was not until I went to NYC in 1990 that my life would change. I saw b-boys free-styling on the blocks. I saw graffiti on the trains. I saw the most beautiful men on earth wear Tim's, Champion hoodies, and hat cocked to the side! I don't even want to talk about their sexy accents. Yes, I LOVE NYC men!!! Listening to the radio I would hear Dj's drop exclusives at night. I heard artist like EPMD, De La Soul, Nice and Smooth, Red Man, Wu-Tang , Nas and my favorite group of all time Tribe Called Quest.

Going back to Oklahoma after leaving NYC for the summer I would have exclusive songs I recorded on tape that I had gotten from the radio. That was my life! Hip-Hop became apart of my life. A LOVE affair began and I have been a supporter of the movement sense.

Rock The Bells concert has been coming to the DMV sense I moved here back in 07'. Finally by the grace of GOD I was able to go! I can't express how excited I was. The little girl that would record songs on the radio rapped to every lyric when Tribe hit the stage. I was Inspired by KRS. He said HIP is the knowledge and HOP is the movement. Seeing one of my favorite emcees of all time Nas be a surprise guest I lost it. No one knew he was going to show up. I just told my friend if Nas came it would be perfect. Nas performed with Lauryn and Wu. Busta brought energy to an already charged Tribe show. I was jumping and dancing, never sat down! Despite Lauryn Hill coming two hours late the show was still a delight. Just seeing Lauryn after all those years was a blessing and something I would never forget!