Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Life I Want

What better way for the Universe to tell you it’s time for a change having the most highly anticipated solar eclipse of the year happen on your birthday? A Solar Eclipse relates to astrology and will have a heavy impact on all Scorpios. Yes, I am a Scorpio and today am my birthday; my new life cycle has already started with a bang! The highlight of the Eclipse is that it will bring long lasting positive effect on my life causing a transformation, shedding the old me. This powerful transformation will give me new energy and a new direction on my life. Nothing will be the same! All of the pain, hard work and struggle I faced in the past year will have prepared me for this moment. The Universe is working on my behalf and I feel it! The desires of my heart are finally coming to pass. And I am grateful.

I began to feel the effects of a transformation months ago. There were many new things that happened for me. I went to Mexico, started a new school year and a relatively new position. And I started back taking classes working towards my professional goals. But the biggest impact was my personal life. I finally was open to allowing someone close to me, being friends and letting the cards fall where they may. Being intimate with someone for the first time in my life, I went from being librated, to fear, and then guilt. I struggled so I did what I always did, clinging to what I knew from the past. I was insecure, I was confused, and I felt I wasn’t enough! Struggling to stay in the moment and embracing life as it is. I needed some encouragement. I needed to look in mirror and remember who I was again.

September 19-20, 2014 Oprah’s The Life You Want Tour hit Washington DC. I was excited to go with my girlfriends. I had no clue how much this weekend would change my life the way it did. Oprah opened the weekend professing I knew I would succeed in life because I am a child of God. She knew God had bigger plans for her life. The theme was about Faith, Love, Surrender and starting to embrace the life that you have now. There was a spontaneous workout that transformed me. The presenter shouted out affirmations and had me literally in tears. As I cried I released all those old habits that didn’t work for me. I let go of the guilt, shame and I affirmed out loud to a packed Verizon Center, “I AM ENOUGH”. Sitting in my seat towards the end of the event I was grabbing on so tightly not wanting to lose anything I gained during the weekend. I didn’t want to lose the momentum of the moment. I wanted so bad to transform and have a new life. Not to go home the same person. I knew something was happening inside of me because I felt this raw energy. I kept reading in astrology that all this change was happening around me, these eclipse and new moons; saying to myself “Oh My God this is my time, I gotta, change, I gotta grow”. The pressure for me to change brought on anxiety. In my mind I kept trying to make sense of it all, and I just had to let go! Once I let go I began to see that not only did I understand and connect to everything that was happening; I was living it! As I walked out the Verizon Center doors to with my girlfriend’s, a cool Fall breeze greeted me. We began to walk around China Town, NW area of Washington DC to find a resturant that’s when it hit me. The life that I want is the life I have. And in that moment as I’m walking out of the Verizon Center with my girlfriend’s I am like wow, this is my life! This is the life that I prayed for. This is the life that I want.

See, the life we want starts by wanting the life we have. That is what Rob Bell said while giving his presentation. I wrote it down because it touched me but I didn’t connect the dots until later that evening. I don’t have this loving relationship with a man. I am dating! I have friends and who knows what will happen. But I’m single. Did I lose 30 pounds that I been dreaming about since forever? No, the opposite is true actually. I have sadly gained some weight. What I’m trying to say as I celebrate 37 years of living on Earth is that I am fulfilled! I have prayed for this life! I asked God to place me in Washington DC with friends and a social-life. I have that! Every day I’m falling in love more and more with my body. Because I know true love and acceptance is the real way to weight loss! My transformation is me loving what I see in my mirror. Taking down the image that I thought I had to
be and loving myself for who I am! The best birthday present I could ever have!