Music Mondays: Mary Mary - I'm Walking NEW SINGLE!

I'm Walking by Mary Mary is my theme song right now. Back with a new single Mary Mary shows that walking with the Lord is not easy. It is a day to day process. My favorite line is "Cause I know that Jesus walks with me". Knowing who you are in Christ is half the battle! It does not matter who you are or what you have done, the Lord LOVES you and accepts you as you are!

To Teach

"We teach what we need to learn the most"~Oprah. As I watched the Oprah show when she made that statement I did not know how to receive it at first. I want to know what you think as well. Do we teach what we need to learn or do we teach what we already mastered within ourselves? I believe it is both. On one hand as we go through life and learn things along the way, we then share what we have learned or still learning with the rest of the world.

 

As a teacher I believe learning goes beyond the four walls in a classroom. And to teach is more than breaking down math to a class full of students. My theory is the world is a classroom. I am inspired to teach by different things I have been through and what I believe will help others. Even if what I teach is not received it is ok. It is ok because it came from my heart and for whoever it was for will get it, and for those that it was not meant for won't.

 

If it is believed that learning never stops, then that goes for teaching as well. As I write to you I am teaching myself. The things that GOD would have for me to master, I am sharing with you. I am not greater, smarter or more important than you. My mission when I teach is for us to understand that the work we require of others we have to first demand it of ourselves. Because what we teach is not always what we say or write, but how we live our lives. My passion as a teacher is to overcome the things I do not like about myself so I can be the person GOD has called me to be. That is my prayer for you as well.

 

So if Oprah's theory is correct and we teach what we need to learn the most than I am teaching joy, happiness, peace, tolerance and the freedom to be who I am with judging myself! What I also know is I teach what I have mastered. With hard work and Faith I am becoming more like Christ as I release the desire to be perfect and to be free! My prayer is that my life reflects that as well.

 

Adult Children of Alcoholics part 2: My Story

Alcoholism affected my family in so many ways. As you might imagine it tore us apart. The people who suffer the most are the ones who do not even drink. It is the children. I am the oldest of four siblings. I always said GOD gives us special gifts to help us cope with life's setbacks. My gift is compassion. Protecting my family was an honor. I worried when my grandmother drank and hoped me telling her how it hurts the family would make her stop. My brother and I fought often mainly because his behavior was disrespectful and I was not having it! Everyone had to live up to my unrealistic expectations, including myself!

The hero sometimes referred to as the model child is one of the four common roles played by children of alcoholics. It is usually the oldest. In the alcoholic family all the children play a role, for me I was the hero. I was the first of my mom's generation to graduate high school. I was the first in my grandparent's generation to finish college. I wanted to be the example. I hoped if I did the "right" thing I could encourage my family to do the same. What I learned was no matter how "perfect" I strived to be the only person I can save is me. Being "perfect" has taken its toll. And as I write to you today I am done!

I just came to the realization two weeks ago when a BELOVED family member wanted space from me. The little girl inside of me was upset. What do I have to do to prove I LOVE you, I asked myself? GOD said "Nothing, you already have. Now it is their turn to prove their LOVE to themselves". I release the patterns of my past. They no longer have control over me. I pray this for my family and other adult children raised by alcoholics. As kids we had no control, now we have control and it is with ourselves! YOU deserve happiness. YOU deserve to express sadness or anger without guilt or shame! You deserve a life that is healthy and full of people who want you to win. It is now up to YOU!

In photo:Me and my siblings Christmas 2010

Children of Alcoholics Awareness Week

Children are defenseless. They are rarely heard. That is why they need us. Children raised in an alcoholic home vulnerability to being a victim increases. Parents that are under the influence of alcohol have little to no control over their behavior which in turns harms themselves and their family. As a child you model the behavior of the parent. Children of alcoholics or COAs develop patterns of the alcoholic parent. Often times without even realizing it until they become adults.

 

According to studies there are an estimated 26.8 million COAs in the US. The number of children being raised by a substance addicted parent is significantly high. Child protective service agencies, welfare records have shown that substance abuse (including drugs) account for 81% of one of the two top problems of families reported. With more than a million cases have been reported of abuse and neglect to due substance abuse a year! COAs are two to four times more likely to become an addicted to alcohol than a child in a non alcoholic home.

 

What about the COAs who never drinks? They still will have addictive personalities due to the influence of the addicted care givers. This is why many COAs suffer alone. It is easy to spot an alcoholic, but not a child addicted to worry or fear. Or the super responsible and successful child who hopes being perfect would cure the alcoholic from their disease. At its worst the COA becomes extremely aggressive and even violent. COAs due to neglect and abuse have a greater chance of a life of crime and living a life feeling like an outsider. COAs are at greater risk of depression, anxiety disorder, guilt, shame, problems in school, and having dysfunctional relationships.

 

So what can you do? You can advocate for Children of Alcoholics by going to http://store.samhsa.gov/home and download pamphlets and posters. You can post the pamphlets up at local hospitals, churches, community centers, and schools. You can become a part of the life of a child who has been neglected and abused due to substance abuse. COAs who have the support of an adult studies have shown that makes a big difference in their lives. With the guidance of a teacher, family member, community friend COAs will gain the strength to be resilient. Help break down the barrier of shame, guilt, and feeling of being alone and give COAs a chance to live healthy, happy lives despite the problems they have in their own. Trust me from my own experience it makes a difference!

 

COAs often feel alone as I said before. When they interact with the world everyone appears "normal" but them. This is why when parents get intervention COAs need to get intervention as well. Therapy is very important for children being raised in abusive, neglected and addictive environments. The COA needs to know that they are not alone. Unfortunately there are other families who suffer as well. COAs need to know that there is help and how they can get it. National Association of Children of Alcoholics: http://www.nacoa.net/index.htm has information on how to help COAs and has information on how to educate others on this social issue. Also for children who are 11 years old and older can join a group called Alateen. Alateen is a part of the group Al-Anon that supports families and friends of alcoholics. Together we can restore hope, faith, and LOVE in children who lives have been broken.

 

 

 

 

 

National Children of Alcoholics Awareness Week

February 13-19 2011 is National Children of Alcoholics Awareness week. The mission is to bring to light an issue that has been in the dark. I have jumped on board because this issue hits home with me. My mother and my grandmother suffered from alcoholism for my whole childhood up until I was 22 years old! My childhood was robbed of LOVE, affection, attention, nurturing, stability, order, and care.

Nick News goes inside the lives of young people who tell their story. Meet four kids whose lives have been upside down due to alcoholism. We can all help by being aware and seeing the damage it does to our children who will one day be adults carrying years of pain in their hearts. If you want to see this episode on TV with your family tune in to Nick tonight at 6 p.m. EST, 5 p.m. CST, and 3 p.m. PST.

Nick News
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Music Mondays: Anita Baker - giving you the best that i've got

This week is Children Of Alcoholics awareness week. I am honoring my own childhood and Valentines Day by posting my favorite childhood LOVE song. Anita Baker is one of the reasons I dream of LOVE. Growing up in a home where no one said "I LOVE You" due to alcohol, I would listen to LOVE song over and over. I would dream one day someone would LOVE me like this. My favorite lyric of the song is Somebody understands me/ Somebody gave his heart to me/ I stumbled my whole life long/ Always on my own, now I'm home. That is my heart and soul in those lyrics! Today celebrate LOVE, not just with a LOVER, but your family and most importantly with you!

Random

Being positive takes effort, we choose to be positive. Even when faced with darkness positive people find their way out. Even positive people search for answers and dig deep to feel fulfilled in a time of hopelessness. No matter how positive you are, you will deal with darkness. So why don't we like to express this side of ourselves?

Reading magazines, flipping through channels on T.V., and walking through Boarders book store we are bombarded with "Be Your Best Self at Any Age", "21 Days to a Better You", "Loose that Weight and get That Date", and "Say Yes to the Dress". All these messages about when you are happier life is easier, better, secure always, and fun. While all those things are true, it is not guaranteed! It's no wonder everyone wants to pretend to be positive. It's attractive, alluring, and also misleading!

No one is happy all the time. Good things do come to an end. People do change and while it may be for the better it does not always feel like it is. Family issues will appear no matter how LOVING and support you strive to be. There are not always answers to our problems. Just because you LOVE what you do for a living does not mean you always want to do it. I say that to say enough already! If people would really LOVE who they are and be happy instead of putting on a mask than the life they pretend to have would be real!

 

Music Monday: Mint Condition - Caught My Eye (new single 2011)

I was raised on Mint Condition's music. I was in the 7th grade when Pretty Brown Eyes was released as a single. I have been a fan sense! Caught My Eye is another LOVE ballad from one of my favorite groups. Hope you enjoy:)

Winter and Depression

Winter brings thirty degree weather, snow every other week, and shorter days with longer nights. That gives us all the reason to not want to go outside. Some do not even want to get out of bed. The winter can be a depressing time of year. It can be a lonely time as we sit in our homes in isolation from the world. According to Dr. Michael Bernard he says the winter season calls for "introspective time", as we sit indoors we need to use this to our advantage. Instead of feeling the "winter blues" embrace the moment and listen to what Spirit wants from you in this season.

 

I have learned to listen to Spirit. It is the knowing within that soothes when you feel uncertain. In the moment I am afraid to speak up my Spirit says speak your truth. I would not know what that truth is without introspection. I am one of those few folks who actually enjoy being home on Saturday evenings alone. Spending time alone is a great way for us to have a deeper connection to who we are. What it is our soul yearns for will be clear when you sit and listen. For the bible speaks about listening for understanding. Mark 4:9 says: "Anyone who is willing to hear should listen and understand." We have to train our hearts and mind to listen not just for answers but also understanding. Understanding of what GOD is saying to you, now, in the moment.

 

Through introspection I have learned that during this winter season I feel low. It is easy for me to cancel plans and just decide to stay home. I can't seem to get enough sleep and all I crave are sweets. Striving to lose weight, craving sweets and not being motivated to work out is not a feeling anyone wants to have. Through prayer and meditation I have learned to be kind to myself. To give myself what I want and move on! If my body says I want a day off from a work out? Ok, done. When I crave sweets instead of beating myself up like I did in the past I go and get what I want. Is it every day? NO, of course not, but taking the time to listen to my body I treat it good. When it needs a boost of energy I have a great workout. That's my sign I made the right choice. Last week I pushed myself to work out when I was tired and I had to sit down because my head started to spin. My lesson was not to just listen, but understand that I am not a machine.

 

Seasonal Affective Disorder also known as SAD is a disorder diagnosed in people who feel depressed during the winter season. It is said to start around the end of fall and last until the spring. Symptoms of this disorder are lack of energy, increase need for sleep, craving sweets, and weight gain. Research shows that this pattern begins in the fall and peak during the winter. By the spring mild symptoms will go away. Servere symptoms are depression where there is a lack of motivation to get out of the bed. When SAD is at its worst people have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. About 70-80% of SAD victims are women, and in most cases in their thirties.

 

If any of those systems describes how you feel this winter then seek help. In mild cases you can do introspection by meditation and prayer. I started a candle lighting prayer and meditation for myself this winter. All the lights are out in my apartment and the only light is glowing from one candle. That helps me to get my heart, mind and spirit on one accord. It also slows my body and mind down so I can try to get a good rest. To help me wake up I am going to begin to use a bright light by my bed to give me the boost I need for the day. You can read books on subjects that are related to your symptoms. To be empowered is to be informed! Use this winter season to be self aware. Instead of running from the dark, go towards it. What is it you fear? Confess what you feel and watch your life begin to heal. What are your dreams? What does your heart desire? Write down your revelations about yourself and your new outlook on the world.

In severe cases (mild if you feel the need) see a Dr. Describe your symptoms so you can get help. There are different types of therapies and know you are not alone! Get a counselor and tell them what you have noticed about yourself sense the seasons have changed. Being depressed, feeling low, or simply feeling hopeless does not have to take over your life! Strive to find joy in your darkest hour. Of course everyone wants it to be spring because most of us can not deal with life when it gets dark. We want the success that comes with coming out of the dark, but not the heart ache and pain it takes to go through it! Know my brothers and sisters that what we invest ourselves in during the winter will manifest in the spring!