Goodbye 2015

Am I the only one who's ready to see 2015 go?  Am I the only one who struggled with their faith this year?  As much as I enjoy each day and grateful for waking up, this year has been very difficult.  I thank God for the blessing of life.  And moments this year that brought me joy.  Like NBA All-Star Weekend in NYC with my siblings.  This year I constantly challenged my way of thinking, being and doing.  Nothing just came to me like in the past.  What I wanted this year I had to work extra hard for it and even then it didn't guarantee me a win.  In years past I seen my hard work manifest and I bared great fruit.  This was the year of drought.

My heart was blocked and it took away my creativity.  Every time I thought I was close to falling in love it fell apart.  It was like being in love wasn't meant for me.  I shut completely down.  So I took a break from everything: love, school, and personal goals.   I think I only went to church twice this whole entire year.  I wanted to try something new.  I needed to relax more and challenge old out dated behavior.

What I learned in 2015 the most is trust in love. Know you are worthy of love as you are.  Always follow my heart.  Don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself a break, and do not let anyone take advantage of you.  I know that there are many things that 2015 has taught you.  Please share if you will. I want to tell you thank you for always supporting me and my vision by coming to my blog, I love you. Let's toast to the New Year.  May 2016 be your best year yet!

Your Vision

Life will constantly remind you of your vision-Iyanla

I always had a vision for my life since a little girl. I always saw myself being in a romantic relationship.  As I began to surrender to life and love I found myself dating.  While dating I lost my sense of self and power.  Everything I said I wanted in a relationship and needed in life I began to put that power in the hands of someone else.  My vision was now gone.  I was confused.  My peace was distorted.  Wanting to have children, wanting to spend quality time with someone, wanting to have a man who is financially stable, and wanting to settle down all became too much to ask.  What I longed for I convinced myself it was no longer what I needed.  I no longer knew who I was and I questioned myself too often.  My life was no longer about me, it was about how to fulfill, sustain and please someone else.  What life reminded me was that it is okay to keep me first.

In quest of finding my true self again I began to make peace.  I made peace with who I once was and who I am in the present.  The merging of the two, my past and present gave me a new vision.  Life began to show me who I was again.  I sat down and studied my vision boards.  And I connected to the person that I am today.  What life showed me was it’s never too late to start over, to start fresh and anew.  To rid yourself of everything and everyone that doesn’t serve you, your highest self.  My vision for love is now free-flowing, not desperately holding on to what or who needs to go.  Detachment is my biggest lesson to learn.  My new vision is to nurture relationships and build.  Not to stay in the “cutting people off” phase.  I now will save myself grief and will only invest in a man who wants the long term, who wants to invest in me.  Enjoying my life, dating and loving are my new visions.  Not taking life so serious and letting my inner love Goddess free.  Physical pleasure is a gift. My new vision is to allow myself the chance to explore, to make mistakes and make love.  As Oprah says, “Create the highest grandest vision for your life.  Then let every step move you in that direction”.