Music Mondays

David Banner and 9th Wonder come together for classic music! For people who say that there is no longer good hip-hop need to listen to this single. Death Of a Pop Star is the CD title of 9th and Banner's new CD that will be out tomorrow in stores and also itunes and amazon. I have followed both of these two artist for years and think it is dope that they came together. Here is "Be With You"

My BELOVED

As a little girl I would day dream often. I was the little girl who LOVED Barbie dolls. I would play for hours and hours combing their hair and picking out perfect cloths. My grandparents blessed my sister and me with a Barbie house and car. The Barbie house was pink and had three stories. This Barbie dream house made me think of being in my own dream home one day. Yes, at 8 years old I daydreamed of marriage. I dreamed of marriage because I wanted my knight in shining armor. I am a romantic so I longed for a strong, charming man to take me away on his white horse to a life that was better than my own. Broken, I wanted someone perfect to come into my life and make me whole. So my ideal men kept me. This image of a man who would LOVE me in spite of my flaws lived in my daydreams night and day. It was not until I was 25 I realized this image does not exist! Can you imagine the 8 year old girl inside me screaming?

 

From pain to distant I went. I paid no attention to men. I became bitter and completely shut off. Although I was not aware I was in this stage in my life, because I called it "being independent". I would often say "I don't need a man". How many times have you heard that line? Hell, how many times have you said it? Being independent means not needing anyone. I pride myself on being able to take care of myself. My grandparents raised me to do so. What I was not taught was it is ok to need someone. Being vulnerable is not a weakness, but the only true way to fully experience LOVE.

 

It was not my grandparents fault for not teaching me a balance views of LOVE because they are a product of what they were taught. We all are. What we have to do is figure out are we being the authors of our own LOVE story or are we allowing others to write our pages? Up to this point in my life everyone wrote my pages. I said nothing when the countless of people told me this is who I needed to be to be LOVED. I strived to be perfect, to have it all together only to realize no one does. By me seeking perfection in myself I also sought that in my mate. Going on that path I would be lost forever.

 

Finding my path to LOVE has taken much needed heart to hearts with myself. What I come to realize is my soul craves someone I can depend on. My soul craves a connection to someone so deep it is a spiritual one. No more fear of being vulnerable. Yes, I do need a man. I was created to need a man and embracing that fact has set me free. The myth that you have to neglect yourself for another is not true! In order to truly be a great partner you have to be fully present. You have to be aware and accountable. If you neglect yourself how you can have a functional healthy relationship?

 

Every day I look forward to going to facebook because I get what is called "A message from GOD". I eagerly click on the link waiting to see what GOD has to say. The joy comes from knowing that there is a word from GOD that was just for me. Two weeks ago I received a message that said "On this day GOD wants you to know that your deepest connection to God is through your beloved". This message set me free, the last quarter of this year my heart has shifted towards meeting my BELOVED. GOD told me in order to have a closer relationship with HIM I have to open my heart to someone else. Breathe. What a word. Do you understand what GOD is saying? Our very nature is LOVE, connection, bonding, prayer, letting go, and opening up to our mates. When we are in that space we are opening a place in our hearts for GOD!

 

Think of that 8 year old girl who longed for her knight and shining armor to save her from herself. A man who would get on one knee and say "you my BELOVED is all I want". Hearing there is no such thing as happy ever after I gave up on LOVE. My heart became hard. My mind became limited. My vision became blurred. Not knowing what to do, I did what I knew how, prayed! GOD said you need to let go! You need to go back to that little girl who craved LOVE for nothing else other than the joy of having a connection with another person. As that little girl I was free, open and honest. You could see my passion for life in my face. That little girl is back! As I write my own chapters I believe in a happy ever after. That's right I said it! This is my story remember? My happy ever after will be with the man who dances with me as we go through life's ups and downs. He will hold my hand and make me laugh. He will let me cry and be there if I just need a hug. He does not have to be perfect at all. He just has to know GOD. And through knowing GOD my future BELOVED has a better relationship with me. And I will have a closer relationship with my first BELOVED. That is GOD.

Rebirth!

What is in a name? I strongly believe the name we are given at birth will impact who we become as people. We can speak life into our children by giving those names that will fulfill their life's prophecy. This has led me to learn my name. In 1995 during a trip to Dallas Texas I bought a name plaque with a description. The description was dead on! What really stuck out to me was the meaning of my name. Natasha means birthday of the Lord or rebirth! As someone who has such a deep relationship with the Lord I thought, ok my grandfather and mom was onto something. I would live a life full of transformations. I would be reborn!

 

As the year 2010 comes to a close and we approach the birthday of the Lord (although some argue the date is in the spring or fall) I sit and reflect. As I reflect on this past year I am not the person that I was last year. While most people struggle with moving through life, it has become easier and easier for me. Although it has not always been that way, what has gotten me to where I am now is embracing change.

 

2011 will be here and things will be different. If you find yourself stuck now is the time to figure out why. If you want to benefit from a new and exciting year it starts now! The transformation does not start January 1 2011. The transformation takes time and practice. It takes discipline and order. What is it that you really want out of the New Year? Better yet, what did not happen this year that you would like to see next year?

 

Many questions you can ask yourself as we move through the month of December. I have enrolled in college classes. I graduated in 2003 and did not continue to get my masters due to needing a job. GOD blessed me with a career in teaching. As a teacher there are professional goals that I now must meet. My professional goal for the New Year is to become a certified teacher so I can begin to work in a Public School. I feel that a new year will bring new opportunities, but not without hard work on my part! So today I scheduled classes, checked on status for money, and discussed courses with professors. Instead of waiting for an advisor to tell me what classes to take I researched the info myself. I am in control of my future and by the will of GOD it is all coming together.

 

I have a new passion for writing. I get inspired daily by life and get excited to share that information with you. That is my rebirth. Instead of just writing, I write with passion, joy, LOVE and a thirst to teach. I see 2011 as a year of untold opportunities. I am finally walking into all aspects of my life not afraid of success or failure.

 

What are you pushing back? Are you afraid it will never work? Allow yourself a rebirth, a reinvention if you will. Knowing that your life is not your own, but an instrument for something greater than yourself. As the New Year approach look at your life now. Join me as I boldly go where I have never been before, facing new challenges that await me. As I shed layers of myself like a cocoon, I am now a butterfly ready to sore. Break free! Are you living the life you dreamed of for yourself? Do you need to grow in some areas? Allow yourself to move forward, to transform, to have a rebirth.

Music Mondays

This is one of my favorite songs ever! I was told as a little girl that "little ol' me" could not change the world. I dreamed of peace and harmony for everyone. Raised around violence and neglect I wanted people to see the LOVE in themselves and others. To this day I dream this dream. I understand the pain of those of us who dream of the world of LOVE, peace and kindness..this is our sack full of dreams.

Performed by Donny Hathaway Live! One of the best vocalist ever please enjoy "Sack Full Of Dreams".

I Want The Man GOD Made For Me!

A wealthy Roman matron says to a rabbinic sage, "Since your Creator God made the universe in seven days, what's he been doing since?" The Sage replied, "He's been making couples." The Roman woman says, "I can do that!" She proceeds to command one hundred slaves to be coupled off and sends them to a great dwelling. After one night, the place is in shambles; the couples have fought and degenerated into chaos. In defeat and shame, she goes back to the Sage and says, "Oh, that's no minor thing that your God does."

Music Mondays

A romantic relates to the world through music. We let the lyric nurture our hearts and mind. It feeds our soul and speaks to our spirits deeply. It’s more than a hit record, but for me a life changing song. I enjoy different types of music so I am not the music snob. I will not down talk songs that are out now, but will celebrate good music that are out today. I will call this music Mondays. I have been complimented on my good taste in music so I want to show that range. Happy Monday!



Eric Benét - Take It (Feat Chrisette Michele) This CD was released last week along with many other great R&B CDs. This song I LOVE because this is the type of man I want! A man who is not afraid to take control! Enjoy...

What Is Your Word?

There is a scene in Eat Pray LOVE where the characters are sitting at the table getting ready to eat Thanksgiving dinner. This scene is actually my favorite part. In this particular scene one of the characters talks about what their "word" is. He then asks Julia Roberts's character "What is your word", she says a wife and finally she says "I am a writer". The whole table erupts saying that is what you "do" not who you "are"! She sits there clueless, not knowing her word. Her friend then says "you are women searching for your word".

 

So I challenge you today to think of your word. Are you a man or a woman searching for your word? How would you describe you? Too many times we describe ourselves by our mates, or our jobs. We even say we are mothers or daughters. Yes, that is a big part of who we are, but it does NOT define us! To know your word you have to dig deep. Pull back the layers and see what's hidden there.

 

Our word can be the very thing that takes us to the next level in our life. Our word can affirm our existence and help us on own journeys. Our word is what lies in the pit of our being that we are afraid to embrace. That thing that wants to be addressed finally for the first time! It will feel so good that when you say it you will breathe fresh air! It's one word you would use to describe who you are.

 

So what is your word? What is your soul saying to you right now? It might take time, your word may come at a later time when you least expect it. I know what mine is, my word is LOVE.

I Am My Mother’s Daughter

I do not know what your history is. My history is of heartbreak and brokenness. My mother gave birth to twin girls at 16 years old. She never raised us a day in her entire life. About the time I was in elementary school my mother and my grandmother where "functioning" alcoholics. My grandmother worked, took care of my mother's children all while being drunk. So imagine the relationship with my mother and grandmother growing up. The constant power struggles, broken promises, lack of affection, and lots of finger pointing. There was chaos and lots of pain in my household. That is who I am. That is what I come from. As much as I want to distant myself from my mother I know I am my mother's daughter.

 

When we look at our mothers we are quick to point out their flaws. We are quick to say that we would never be like them. Well, too late! You are your mother's daughter. There is a genetic linking between a mother and a child at birth. Whatever our mother felt during the time of pregnancy until birth will be rooted deep inside of us. The joy, the happiness, the LOVE, the peace will be deeply rooted in our being. The flip side of that truth is the pain, anger, fear, hate, and inner war will be deeply seated in our being as well.

 

Growing up fast, my mother would have kids at 16. When I was born I was conceived through fear, shame, confusion, lust, pain, abandonment issues, man problems, stubbornness, and rebellion. My mother's baggage became my own. All of the LOVE and joy GOD gave to me from the womb was stripped away from me the moment the doctor said "push".

 

If you would have asked me at 15 if I was anything like my mother I would have had said hell no! As a matter of fact I did everything in my power to be the exact opposite. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I am a virgin, and I graduated from college. I made it my personal mission to break our family curse. What I did not know was my curse was deeper than I thought. My own fear of success, of committing to a relationship comes from my mother. The shame and guilt for speaking up for me came from my mother. The addiction came from my mother. For me it is an addiction of food. Or anything that gives me pleasure. In order to become better we have to first know something is wrong. One day I woke up and I felt something is wrong.

 

This feeling was no longer about my mother, it was about me. I seen the patterns and wanted help right away. I no longer wanted to hate my mother, I wanted to heal. By me trying to be "perfect" made me miss the lesson. The lesson is that I am like my mother and that is ok. You are like your mother and that is ok. Breathe. Our mother's are a part of who we are. To disconnect from them means we are not connected to ourselves. This is why the world is so unbalanced and the crime rate is high. There are too many children disconnected from their mommies. They grow up to be adults who are disconnected as well. And when that woman then has children the cycle continues until she decides it stops with me!

Accepting your mother does not mean accepting the problem, it means releasing the control the problem has over you! It's making peace with your past, so you may have a brighter future. Your children now have a chance at a healthier life because they will not be born into the same confusion you were. For those who have peace with their mothers GOD bless you. For you already know the secret to a balanced life. Pray for the rest of your sister friends to get there as well.

“Everybody Needs a Husband”

The title is a quote taken from the movie "Eat Pray LOVE". While watching this movie I cried within the first five minutes of the movie! You know as the saying goes "art inmate's life". And in the case of this movie that saying rings true. Traveling across the globe Julia Roberts's character finds the courage to dig deep and go on this journey alone; still she is constantly reminded of how much she needs a man. One line that jumped out was when a character who was obsessed with the idea of marriage said to Julia Roberts's character "Everybody needs a husband".

 

I was thinking in my head what Julia Roberts character said out loud "I am tired of everybody saying I need a man". From the end of last year into this year that is all I have heard. I have heard "go out and meet a guy", "You look so nice I know you are not going home", or my favorite "You are single because you are always at home". And like Julie Roberts character I tell them "I am tired of everybody saying I need a man".

 

To me it seems that everyone is more concerned with me being single than I am. My guess is that there are several reasons. I believe too many men and women are co-dependent on relationships. Of course everyone deserves LOVE. I have believed this in my entire being sense I was a little girl. My concern is when LOVE is no longer a choice, but when it is used to fill a void.

 

I grew up in a co-dependent house hold. I first heard the term co-dependency from my recovering drug addicted step mom. She met my dad in AA (Alcohol Anonymous) and they fell in LOVE. Years later she would go through her healing and she understood where the addict's behavior came from. She would say co-dependency is more than drugs or alcohol, but it can also be people or things too. That's when it hit me, I was co-dependent. My co-dependency pattern was developed by my parents. I had addicts on both sides of my family being my mother, father, and grandmother. I have seen things taken away such as, a house, cars, money, and many people. Afraid of losing something I clanged to everything and everyone. When I became an adult I realized this was a problem.

 

When I went back to Oklahoma during my junior year in college my twin sister and friends came to see me twice. I went to college only 30 minutes away from my hometown! I was heartbroken! In the past everywhere I went my twin was with me. And everywhere she went I was right there too. Then life happened. She fell in LOVE and had children. Being by myself for the first time I felt alone. Tired of being the victim I dealt with that co-dependency demon once in for all. Years of going to counseling and reading tons of books related to breaking bondages I was finally healed. Now only to be reminded every day I still need someone in my life to feel good about my worth.

 

This is where I get confused. Why encourage co-dependency? I would meet many women who after their husbands left them they had nothing! They were forced to start over with their children. I vowed that would never be me! So I chose to follow GOD and not a man. That seems odd in this day in time, but I needed to cleanse myself of everything that would make me relapse. In the process I learned who I am and what my purpose on earth is. Similar to the lead character in "Eat Pray LOVE", I had to be alone to find my way.

 

Yes, I have come full circle and I know that I indeed need a husband! Yes, LAWD!!! But in order to have a healthy balanced relationship we have to live our lives our way without being co-dependent on anyone. No one will understand the vision GOD has for you but YOU! Stop trying to convince others of your purpose and live it! Have the courage to walk away from what's not working in your life and you will soon walk into what will. The man you pray for, that job, better health will come your way but you have to be prepared to receive it.

 

Needing a man is natural. Coming from someone who has been abandoned by men my whole life it has taken healing for me to feel that way. I have major control issues because I had to learn to protect myself. Now depending on someone to protect me is no easy lesson. Will he abandon me like my father? Will I abandon myself like my grandmother? Will I abandon myself worth like my mother? Those fears constantly haunt me as I open my heart to LOVE. Just months ago I would have said I am not interested in a relationship. GOD has softened my heart. So I finally understand the importance of needing a husband, but I will never understand why as a society that's all we are encouraged to look forward too.