Find the Spirituality in love again was a life mission I began two years ago. I have a love for learning, so I was eager to figure what that meant. I was surprised at the path it would take me. The journey to love took me on a quest of seeing love as more than one dimensional. My view about love in the past had much to do with how I received it. You know, if someone is nice to me then I am nice to them. Now if someone is mean to me, I am going to be mean X’s ten! Love has taught me if I got everything I deserved; I would be in bad shape. But by grace and mercy I am healed, so why not give that same love to others? Regardless of how they treat me first, I love because it’s who I AM! It’s not about dishonoring yourself for others. It simply means I strive to no longer be petty! That’s that next level type love.
What I am learning is that love is bigger than man and women. We connect to love by being one with the Universe. When we release negative energy and begin to truly live out the scriptures in 1 Corinthians:13, our whole world opens up. With an instant shift we can change 100 years of karma by simply asking for forgiveness and deciding to put positive energy into the Universe. By one positive thought is a ripple effect, like waves in an ocean. The more love you put out in the world, it comes back to you. This my friends is how I began to find the Spirituality to love. My transformation started off very simple. I gave hugs to people as we said hello, I smiled not worrying about if it would get returned, and I ate lunch outside to bond with nature and made peace with myself. I wrote. I did mediation practices by writing what my soul craved, what is my purpose, my plan and how the world is all connected to this. I finally got it. You and I are not separate. We are one and the same. And seeing the love and beauty in all things is how I began to heal. I stopped placing conditions on myself feeling I am only lovable when I lose 20 pounds. Looking at flowers I feel love. Feeling the waves of the ocean against my feet gave my soul such a rush! I began to take the time to pause in the evening to watch the sunset. Watching the rain, allowing water to sooth me like a nurturing mother. I feel connected, I feel loved, and I feel I am okay as I am. What I believed I have benefited most by this change is my relationships with the people the closet to me. My connections with my family and friends has taken me to new levels and given me what I need. The love I have now has healed me.
Being born to a mother who decided at an early age parenting would not work for her; my grandmother (and grandfather) stepped in and raised me. My mom would come in and out of my life. The pain of not feeling lovable was very real for me, not having my mother in my life caused years of disconnect. One day I found myself in a counselors chair crying about how it hurts not having my mom in my life. But at this time I had out grown just about everyone in my circle. I was alone. I was scared. I was depressed. I told my counselor I have outgrown my friends, I am 23 and need friends who care more about finishing a personal goal than the latest hand bag. She said to me, “Your life is like a ladder, the step behind you is where your old friends are. Where you are now is that space in the middle, trying to find out who you are. And when you get to the next step your new friends will be there waiting for you”. Jesus, what a lesson I learned in that moment. My life now is confirmation of that next level.
The love that has healed me the most is the love I have received from women. See God gives us what we need. My grandmother teaches me what it means to love unconditionally. Not only did she raise me when her daughter chose not to, but she continues to treat me as her little girl at 35! The bond I have with my twin sister is the strongest of anything I know. She showed me the beauty in individuality. The amazing time I had with the women on my trip to Jamaica last weekend for my girlfriend’s wedding made me reflect on this. I strengthen the relationships with the women I already knew and developed bonds with women I met for the first time. Non stop laughing, dancing, drinking, eating, swimming and we even shed a tear or two. In that moment everything was clear. I knew I had arrived and I liked my reflection I saw in the mirror. The love I craved since birth I have it now. I am a girl’s girl, being around women gives me my soft place to fall and when needed tough love. When I feel lonely, tired of being single and need to vent I have a circle of women who will be there for me. At this next level of love I feel I can only climb higher from here!