Information Over Load!

Many years ago I began to read self-help books. It all started from my desire for a whole and healthy lifestyle. I was born into addiction, neglect, self-hate, pain, and confusion. We see children that comes from these environments everyday. You may have been that child. These are the kids who are not supposed to make it. Well, at least there not expected too. I was that child! To prove the enemy wrong I wanted to work on my inner wombs. I began to go to counseling when I was 25. Being my second counselor, GOD being my first I knew that I had a responsibility to myself to develop independently of actual counseling sessions. So I would go to counseling once a week. Sometimes only three times a month. My counselor told me in only after three months of counseling I have made the most improvements of anyone she had counseled. That touched my heart. I confided in her and said the reason was simple. I have to go home and apply these new lessons. So I read so many things to make this new lifestyle workable for me. I fell completely in LOVE with O magazine. My BELOVED childhood favorite magazine Essence was my go to guide for image and social well being. And I read books heavy! All this new info was great for my personal development. But my issue was that everyone had the "right" answers. I wanted so bad to be "right" and "do the right thing". I would have nervous break downs because I began to have information over load.

We are a well informed generation. The access we have today our ancestors only could dream of them. They worked over time so our lives can be what they are today. Thank GOD for our ancestors. But what I find interesting is our foremothers and fathers had far less information, but appeared to have better lives. Why? Because they went by their best source. GOD first and then themselves. In 2010 we are said to be the most intelligent generation in history. So why is it we lack so much insight within ourselves? I believe we allow to many outside factors to determine what it is we think and feel. Instead of going to the place inside us that will never lead us astray.

After being so well informed on all of my personal concerns I began to realize I was ahead of the curve. I studied this information and had the courage to apply it to my life. I felt sure of myself for the first time in my whole life. But as soon as I read something that contradicted what I feel personally all my little confidence would go out the window. I did not want to be the girl who was closed minded and therefore misses out on her blessings in life. Struggling to find my way, my spirit spoke to me and said REST! Be still, stop talking, stop reading, and be STILL!

My twin sister is my best friend. I call her when I feel confused, sad, happy, or for nothing at all. I read to my sister these "truths" I get from various places and she laughs. She is not as well read as I am . But she has figured out what I was searching these books for. Stop allowing these people who do not know you personally to dictate your life,she tells me. She would say they do not know your story, what you come from so how in the hell can they tell you who you should or should not date?! I had to laugh as well because it is true. The LORD knows my heart. He knows that I only seek the best for my mate. My future mate may not fit the package that society deems acceptable, but if he is what my soul desires I will follow my heart. Does that make me wrong or them right? NO! It means that I am a grown woman and need to act like one!

Getting informed is key to understanding who we are. It is necessary to better our lives. But what we must not forget that we are our own teachers. We are our own life managers. We are our own life coaches, ministers, and friend. We have to treat ourself as such. It's ok to be wrong! Learn and move on. But if we strive to always be right, we are just as bad as being wrong because either way you learn nothing. Isn't that the whole reason behind getting the information is to learn something new? Be in constant position to learn, to grow, to be more and more of who GOD created you to be everyday. Wither learning is through, reading, taking a class, or going to counseling. In the process do not loose who you are!

Hopeful Romantic

I have been blogging lately about being alone until it is the right season for LOVE. This is something I truly believe in. Although I have not always lived by this rule. I am a hopeful romantic. The idea of LOVE excites me in ways I can't explain. I am sure you can relate. What really excites me is LOVE stories that are full of hope, blessings, order, Faith, and LOVE. When was the last time you heard a good old fashion LOVE story? What I admire is that when each partner says they where enjoying their single season when LOVE arrived. LOVE came when they were not looking. Here is some of my favorite LOVE stories.



I remember reading about Actress Jada Pinkett Smith talk about her relationship with Actor/ Rapper husband Will Smith in Essence Magazine years ago. Although a lot of articles say Jada and Will met on the set of Fresh Prince of Bell Air and fell in LOVE according to Jada that is not true. She said that she did not even look at Will then. He was not her type. Her good friend Tisha Campbell and Duane Martin talked Jada into going on a date with Will. She was not interested but thought why not. After going out on a few dates she felt ok he is not what I usually go for in a man, but he is great man. On Oprah Jada confessed to falling so hard for Will that she would start dating women if their relationship did not work out. What happened was Jada was caught off guard by Will. She had her share of relationships and she was just doing her. He swept her off her feet she said by filling her house with roses. That story inspired me because being swept off your feet only happens when LOVE catches you off guard. Not when your looking.



Actors Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance has one of my favorite LOVE stories. I have their book(and still reading)Friends:A LOVE Story they both discuss their personal journey's and how they ended up being together. It was years before they actually started dating because when they first met each other they where in relationships. Both attending graduate school for Theater at Yale their circle of friends where small. Not wanting to upset their close friend the relationship remained Platonic for a while. There first date was not a good one. By the second date they knew right away that they were supposed to be together. So much so that they decided to be celibate for a year before they married. Angela said in the book she felt to have sex meant a bond with GOD and a man. That was something that touched me because I feel the same way. Their LOVE was unexpected and they became best friends.




Basketball Star Grant Hill and Singer Tamia have been married sense 1999. What I remember most about their meeting was at the time they were at the top of their respective careers. Grant was playing for the Pistons and all the women LOVED him. Tamia had hit singles "You Put a Move On My Heart" and "So Into You". Tamia and Grant met each other at a party in Detroit, Michigan. Grant was introduced to Tamia by my favorite singer ever Anita Baker. Afterwards Anita told Grant and Tamia that they both asked of each other. So they had their first date at a midnight movie and married about a year later. What I LOVE about their story is they have had major disappointments in their personal and professional lives. But the two are still together and seemingly very much in LOVE.

I want to leave you with two stories of chance encounters I read online that touched my heart.

"I went to a movie and dinner with friends, but when I got to the restaurant, I realized I had left my clutch underneath my seat at the theater. I freaked out and had to cancel my credit cards, but a week later, I received a package. Inside was my clutch, with a message from a guy who said he'd found it at the movies. I sent him a thank-you note and asked if I could drop off a reward. When I met him, I couldn't believe my luck: I got my stuff back and a date with the sexy man who found it who is now my boyfriend".



"I dread going to my dentist, but one time after a checkup, she asked if I was single. I told her yes, and she mentioned that she can always pick out a good guy by how he acts after a long dental procedure. I laughed off her theory until weeks later, when she called and asked if she could set me up with a guy named Matt. Apparently, he was a new patient of hers, and he had won her over by how sweet he was after having some cavities filled. I decided to give him a shot. Now, we've been together for two years, and all my girlfriends have switched to my dentist in hopes of having the same thing happen to them!" — Alicia, 28

Have you been inspired by LOVE? Do you know of any inspiring LOVE stories?

I Am Doing It and Doing It and Doing It!!!

Life is going to be a challenge. There will be rough times, difficult situations, things to fall into, major obstacles, hurdles, stumbling, blocks, forks in the road, knives in the back, mountains to climb, things to get over, oppositions to resolve, unpleasantness to face, feelings to understand, disappointments to accept, mysteries to solve, wonders to unfold and promises to keep to yourself. Now that you know what to expect, prepare yourself. Get ready. The only way to get to where you want to be is to do what needs to be done to get there. Do it fast. Do it slow. Do it right. Do it up. Do it in the daylight. Do it by the moonlight. Do it alone. Do it with others. Do it for free. Get paid to do it. Do it with others. Do it for the world. The moment you give up on doing it, it will never get done.

Iyanla Vanzant Acts Of Faith

You Don't Need To Search No More!

Last Friday I went to an art show with some of my girlfriends. This is my social season. Last year all I wanted to do was stay at home. I just moved from my hometown of Oklahoma City. I was homesick and all I fantasied about was home cooked meals. I have now made peace with my decision to live in Northern Virginia. GOD has revealed to me all the great possibilities my area has to offer. So I took the train to DC and enjoyed an evening with friends. I started a conversation with the ladies sitting next to me about the lovely cake we were eating. After having some laughs I was invited to hang out at a restaurant in DC called Stan's. I thought why not?! So my new friends and I boarded the train and went to Stan's. At the table we talked about being from different areas, the menu and of course men. Two of the ladies asked me was I dating. I replied"No". Then I was asked "Well are you even looking"? I said "No". They both looked surprised at my answer. This is the response I get from most women. Especially if they are already in a relationship. They think everyone wants what they have, a boo. Or every women is looking to get what they have, a boo. I am not one of those women. I am in the small group of women who believe that LOVE will happen when you least expect it!

The art of attraction is simple. Man sees you having fun, he wants to join you having fun. Man likes women, women likes man. They live happy ever after right? Well, yes and no. Of course every man who has fun with you is not going to ask you out. Just like the men I hung out with at Stan's. They sat next to us and said all night you ladies are so cool. After it was over I gave hugs and kisses and went home. That easily could have been the opposite where I would have made a connection. The beauty of it is I had no expectation either way!

LOVE is something that you need not search for. It is not in the man or women you meet. Looking for LOVE is an idea I no longer believe in. Why? Because I now know this simple truth. Being that I am the image of GOD, I am LOVE. The reason is because GOD is LOVE. So if I am made in his image than I am LOVE too. So knowing this truth I seek for LOVE no more! How can someone find something that is not lost? How can someone find something that they already have? I take LOVE everywhere I go. So man or women will draw to me because of this truth. And I will also draw to them. Which brings me to my next point. When your soul makes a connection you don't have to do anything. You just have to be! As Common said years ago, just BE! In that space LOVE will come when you least expect it. Your soul will seek out your mate. You will feel the connection and it will be deeper than we both LOVE romantic comedies.

I hear people say all the time "LOVE happens when you least expect it". So why do so many people search for LOVE? When it is proven that the best relationships happen when either person is not desperately looking for it? I used to be guilty of this. Every hour on the hour wanting a man so bad, feeling that as long as he was "nice" I would go out on a date with him. I did not want to pass up my soul mate! I think the problem is we live in a world that promotes fast results. I support online dating. I did it for years. But I realized for me, the Internet was a safety net. Getting out in the world was what my soul craved. Real human connections. So again I ask what is your soul saying to you?

I know of a life coach that recommend write down a date for what you want. I wanted to move to the DC area so in 2006 I wrote down my target date. In July 2007 a month before my target date I was moving to Northern Virginia. The life coach recommended setting a date for a new job, move to a new location, or if you desire a mate. I thought, that is an excellent idea. Every time I sat down to make a date to find LOVE my soul would reject it. All I could think of is the different goals that I wanted to accomplish. Being in a relationship was not on the list. The odd thing is I am open to a relationship. But sitting down planning one is not natural for me.

Going through life I am finding out that every one's path to LOVE will not be the same. One thing I do know is to find LOVE is to look within. When you understand that LOVE is not separate from you the feeling of loneliness fades away. The desire to make plans to go out and meet a man fades away. A desire to share your LOVE for the world will rise in you. The desire to LOVE yourself more will be a goal. Acceptance will be a daily task. In that space everything our soul desires will reach out to us and draw it near!

Are You Kind To Yourself?

"We somehow believe that if we hate ourselves enough, if we shame ourselves enough, we'll end up thin, happy, peaceful people," says Geneen Roth Author of WOMEN FOOD and GOD. "Somehow if I torture myself enough, I'll end up feeling great about myself and about my life, as if hatred leads to love and torture leads to contentment," says Geneen Roth. As crazy as that sounds, Geneen Roth makes a point about women mental and emotional reasoning for not being kind to ourselves. Saying things like I hate my arms, I hate my thighs, just leads to other problems instead of helping them. When we say things to ourselves like "you are a pig, all you think about is food". Or "Look at her hips they are nice, I hate my hips, hers are perfect". It is not a coincidence that positive out comes do not happen in our lives. Torturing ourselves does not lead to a healthy life. When we are kind to ourselves we are giving ourself permission to be who we are. Accepting the things we like about ourselves and what we do not.

Coming from a family of drugs addicts and alcoholics I did not learn about healthy choices. I was taught to abandon who I am for everyone else. When life gets too hard retrieve to your shell. Do not communicate about your problems. There was no healing, just years and years of abuse and neglect. So self hate was the common thread in my house hold. Hating how you looked was minor. It was bigger things like hating your dad. Wishing GOD gave you someone else's mom. Feeling gulity for being angry that your grandparents ignore you. My grandparents had bigger issues to deal with, like years and years of abuse and neglect. So having destructive behavior was a pattern in my household. My grandparents had to raise four kids that their child had abandoned. I felt it was my fault. So the self hate began.

Putting others before me was expected. Wanting more out of life was seen as selfish. So being nice was a comfortable role for me. I was accepted. I was liked. I was apart of a group of people I admired. If I am nice they would like me, they will be my friend, I thought. From childhood I never felt LOVED or accepted for me. Not getting attention at home I felt a constant need to seek outside approval. That's my Aha moment as Oprah says. Being me was not good enough. Not good enough for my parents. Not good enough for anyone else either. The only way I am good enough is when I am sweet nice Tasha. Bending over backwards to please everyone and neglecting myself. I was taught my life is not my own. You have no power. So the only thing I could control was what I ate. It felt good and that was a feeling I was not used to.

Working through my childhood issues for the last nine years I have learned many things. I learned about neglect and abuse. Years of me saying that I was not affected by my parents not raising me was a lie. Being kind to myself means to me owning up to how I feel. I no longer put others before myself. I learned to speak my truth even if I am the only one who believes it! When we say that what we feel does not matter, we are chipping away at our self worth. We are saying we do not matter. That's is where hate lives. The name calling begins. A cycle of abuse and neglect. I told myself the the generational curse of my family stops with me! I will give myself the same LOVE I give to others. I am still sweet Tasha. But I have learned that because I am in a bad mood today, or that I want a piece of cake does not make me the worst person in the world. After all that is what I would say to someone else.

I missed Geneen Roth when she was on Oprah last week, but I read her article on Oprah.com(link attached when click on title). She feels women have a tough time meeting their weight loss goals due to the self hatred they have with themselves. Our emotional trauma from some point in our lives triggers us to eat. I agree with this sentiment. Because it is not the food the feels good but the fact that it is something that gives me pleasure is my addiction. The pleasure of food makes me feel LOVED. Accepted for who I am. Finding this out just today has helped me towards the life I dream of losing extra weight for life. Oprah opened up about how her childhood trauma is the reason for her trigger to eat. I believe the things that happen to us as children effects us as adults. It ought to be our mission in life to see why we are not kind to ourselves. What is the reason we are not living our best lives.

Big Girls have style too!

My fashion sense comes from my grandmother. She would dress my siblings and I up everyday. We had to have on the best. When we did not have much money she spent her last on us to make sure we looked decent. She would tell me "people are not going to talk about you, they are going to say where is that girls parents"? So I knew that when I left my house I had to look good. My grandmother would tell me to wear bright colors when I was sad. I LOVE looking at photos of my grandmother when she was my age because she was so fly! To this day looking good is something she takes seriously. That is something she passed down to my mother and down to me.

I remember always having a LOVE for fashion. In Junior High I wore glasses just for style LOL. I also wore the ripped shorts and my overalls inside out because of my obsession with Bell Biv Devoe. My weight was always an issue with finding what I liked to wear in my size. When I started shopping for my own cloths at 16 I only found old fashioned types of cloths in my size in the stores. I did not want to wear cloths my grandmother even thought looked bad, ha! So as you can imagine my then size 8 twin sis who everyone asked did I eat all her food, could shop any where for trendy cloths. As for me at a size 14 at the bottom and 18/20 at the top shopping was limited. That made me even more self conscious.

My freshmen year in college I began to shop out of catalogs. Everyone wanted to know where I found my shoes or where I get my shirt. I was thrilled to finally discover catalogs that had trendy cloths and that had sizes that were plus size. It was a wrap from there! I started shopping online before anyone thought it was safe to. I saw not only cloths that were in my size, but styles that were new as well. I finally became the women I would envision. I was a trendy girl who just happened to be plus size:) To this day people are amazed how I know how to shop for my body type.

Plus Size fashion in the last few years has blown up. From Rip the Run Way on BET to plus size lines added to many different stores. According to research the plus size market is in demand. Although there is still a ways to go, there has been a lot of changes. Recently I became inspired by some plus size fashion blogs. My LOVE for fashion increased seeing many ways to wear a blazer or a simple skirt. And to top it all off the cloths are in my size!! No more, it looks nice but I am sure I won't be able to fit it. I am top heavy so it is difficult to find items that fit well. Although after 32 years I have learned how to do it. Like these fatshionista's I have to look outside the box for inspiration. I have to see what works and what does not. Treating my body like a work of art and painting pictures of how something would look in my head. They have inspired me in ways bigger than fashion, no pun intended :) Here are a few plus-size blogs I LOVE.

fatshionable.com


www.youngfatandfabulous.com


saksinthecity.blogspot.com

You can see how to work your outfit. The latest in fashion from hats, shoes, and cloths. There are links on there blogs where to go to get the items they wear in the picture. That is my favorite part!!!! Also there are links where they shop for their cloths. There are sooo many other plus size fashion blogs and cloths lines I will discuss soon! Sorry I am new to blogging so I do not know how to link the blogs. If you look at the links on my blog I have the blogs there:)

Mastering The Art of Being Alone pt.2

Being more and more like Christ is my constant motivation daily. My souls desire is to be like him in everything I do. When Christ walked the earth he was said to have a busy life. Healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, leading his disciples, and following the direction of his Father every moment of his earthly life. This is what makes Christ such a great example of LOVE because he sacrificed his life for GOD and the people of GOD because Jesus understood that discipline and order leads to a mastered life. In the scriptures it says, Afterwards he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone~Matthew 14:23. Seeking solitude was important for Christ. Jesus I believe understood the power of spending time with GOD and reflecting on what it is that GOD wants for his life. What a powerful teacher Christ is! He led by example! He made time for GOD and also for himself.

Making time for GOD and for ourselves is vital to our relationship with GOD and with our self. How do you build a relationship with someone you only spend time with every once in a while? How do you know yourself if you never or rarely spend time alone? The answer is you can't! Jesus understood this truth. In order to have a relationship with ourselves it first starts with GOD! Going to GOD in prayer and mediation is a spirit building exercise that will free you from the cares of this world. The stress of your job, feeling that your are single and nobody wants you, or everyone is in a happy relationship but you. All that stuff goes out the window when we build a deeper relationship with GOD. Because what happens is through GOD we gain strength. How do you think Jesus The Christ was able to walk the earth without worry of approval, or acceptance from others? He knew who he was, a child of GOD! Through that relationship we are healed and free! Praise the LORD! When Christ sacrificed his life for us on Calvary his intent was for us to live blameless lives. To not be bound by the cares if this world. To hold on to the promise of our heavenly Father. In order to know what that promise is we must spend some of our time alone. In solitary.

The thought of being alone is scary for some. The idea that no one will be there to comfort them physically makes some people literally fearful and it keeps them repeatedly going from relationship to the next relationship. Leaving no time for healing or any personal development. This creates a bad pattern in relationships. This is why I do not know how some folks are disappointed when their relationships do not workout. The reality is they do not have a relationship with themselves. Instead of spending a season of their life in solitary, they allow fear to motivate them to go into another unhealthy relationship. Our soul desires relationships. This deep longing is why we constantly want companionship. There becomes a deep seeded feeling that something is missing from our lives. It is natural to long for LOVE. In Genesis GOD made man and women because he said we were not made to be alone. The desire for a mate was put inside us from birth! What is not natural is the desperate attempts we make to fulfill our soul desire for LOVE! Which brings me back to my Aries South node and Libra North node.

The desperate North Node Libra would go out and find LOVE without realizing that LOVE has been there within the whole time. This is why my South node in Aries is a blessing. The reason is this influence allowed me to go deep within and spend time alone. By being alone I challenged myself to work through my emotions. I understood that in order for me to have a relationship with GOD, with myself, my family, and community, I had to start at the very beginning. I had to start with the source of all creation and build a solid foundation within.

Genesis is our best history lesson on building foundations. It tells us about our first mothers and fathers Adam and Eve and their natural desire to be close to one another. Adam said At last! She is part of my own flesh and bone! she will be called 'woman', because she was taken out of man~Genesis 2:23. That verse gives me chills! I pray for a man to say those words to GOD when he meets me! At last, Adam said to GOD. The women I prayed for my whole life. What a blessing ladies for a man to have that much favor in you! Adam's attraction to Eve was pure because she was in her natural form. She was the complete image of GOD. She was whole and new! She was pure and had never sinned! Adam made the connection because he seen himself in her. She was made of GOD's image and so was he! When we connect to our source, our creator, our GOD we are made whole! Being created in GOD's image we are LOVE because GOD is LOVE! So the feeling of being lonely and not good enough is not from GOD. In GOD we are prefect and pure. When we are one with GOD we have peace within. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit the bible says she was embarrassed and hid behind leaves. She no longer saw herself in the image of GOD. When we refuse to be alone we are saying we are ashamed of who we are. This fear makes us hide from GOD!

We hide when we won't look at ourselves in the mirror our soul reflect. We hide in relationships, we hide with our work, we hide with being everyone savior. In order to gain the freedom our soul craves we have to master the art of being alone. This freedom comes in many forms. It depends on the lesson GOD has for you! What I know for sure is in order to have the LOVING healthy relationships our soul craves we have to find the courage to be in solitary where you go to your scarce place and sit! When we truly have been healed and strengthened GOD will order our steps and prepare us for our beloved to arrive.

I am following my North node in this season of my life. I am the opposite of most people. Instead of fearing being alone, I fear being in a serious relationship! I have mastered the art of being alone and it is time for me to get out and greet the world! With an open heart and mind, I will be a happy single women with her heart open for LOVE. Embracing my need to be whole I will constantly spend time in solitary even when I am in a romantic relationship. Because now that my foundation is made it is up to me to nurture it. I know how to give myself what I need. I no longer search outside of myself for the LOVE I know that is within me! As my soul guides me to my beloved I know my reflection will draw him to me. I do not have to search for LOVE. I don't have to go out every weekend to be noticed by LOVE. Why? Because he is already in me. Just like LOVE is already inside of you!