Image Consultant

My theory is a healthy self-image leads to a happier life. When we LOVE our bodies as they are, we then will treat it better. I know that I am not as fat as I express. But it is tough to have a healthy body image when all you see in the media are women who look nothing like you! Tough to have great self-esteem when you have to compete with Beyonce! So today I am going to give pictures of real women who give me strength because they look like me! Curvy, happy, healthy and whole!

Tell Your Story!

I was raised in the hood or urban living as a friend of mine told me yesterday. So dating a crip was normal. That is why til this day I have a weakness for hood dudes. Shout out to 50 Cent!!! So at 8 years old I had a boyfriend. It was normal. In the hood you kinda grow up fast. Although I was in Oklahoma City, the hood is the hood. Period. One of my first friends that I met when I moved to Oklahoma at 8 had seven brothers and sisters. All her brothers sold drugs. Dad was not around(I think he died out in the streets), so her brothers took care of everyone. My friend's sister was 19 and had 5 kids! You read that right. Her first baby was born when she was only 13! My grandmother did not want us to be around these types of influeneces so she went and found girls in our neighborhood who were straight laced. They were in highschool, no babies and had dreams of college.

What I admire about my gradnmother is she knew that she was not a postive role model. So she went out and found girls she wanted to be role models for my sisters and I. Looking back she was very smart for this!

At nine years old I was introduced to Sharrie. She was pretty, played ball in highschool and was popular. To make extra money she would baby sit my sister and I. We would go up to this rec center called Foster Center. That would become my second home. There I was embraced by everyone. They knew my grandparents raised me and wanted to help in some way. This is why I have so much LOVE for inner city communities. There is LOVE there. I am a product of it. Ms. J (RIP) was the manager and wanted to take my sister and I under her wing.

At ten Ms. J showed me things outside the hood. I went to her home that she bought on her own at 36! She began to build her new home in a town called Edmond Oklahoma. At that time no one black lived there. It was an affluent community, only the wealthy lived there. Which happened to be all white. Blacks begin to pour in and wanting a better life outside of Oklahoma City.

I remember going up to Ms. J's house that she was building from stratch. She said something I will never forget. If you go to college you can get a house like this. Coming from a family that just lost their home and moved into a apartment complex, I felt I had hope. School? Where do I sign up I said to myself. From that point on I wanted to go to college. So one day I can have a nice home. Oddly enough the college I graudated from was in Edmond Oklahoma. Thank you Ms. J!

Then there was the other influence, my peers. Girls giving head in the 5th grade was talked about. They were my friends. My closest friend in the 7th grade had a baby at 12. She hid it from me because she knew that I would not think that was ok. See, I was considered the "good girl" then. Wanting to fit in was something I wanted badly. Although I was told "men don't want fast girls", I seen they did with my own eyes. So I was often confused, but wanting to be a "good girl" I kept my legs closed and my eyes open!

What has influenced me the most was in my home. Most people do not know that both my mom and grandmother battled alcohol my whole childhood. It robbed me of my peace, stablity and most of all feeling LOVED. My mom gave birth to twin girls at 16years old. From the moment she gave birth to me and my twin sis she was not around. My father was 20 and wanted to get married but my mom was cool on that. So my mom's parents raised me.

I remember seeing my mom come home with one suitcase because the man she thought LOVED her did not LOVE her any more. My grandmother would let her come home, she would stay for three weeks maybe a year. Then she was gone and I never seen her until another man decided that he did not want her living with him any more. My mom would swear she never had sex with these men who took care of her. My sister and I would just laugh. We were mature for our age. So we knew a man will not take care of you, let you live in his house and not get no coochie. Sorry! The fact my mother was not comfortable with her sexuality was why she was a victim. Also she would lie and say my grandmother "took" her children away from her. These said men would call my grandmother upset, only to find out the truth. She was then sit home living in the same house with the children she abandoned.

Abandonment is real for me. My fear of being hurt runs deep. So I told myself at 15 I would only have sex with a man I knew that LOVED me. Not feeling LOVE at home I wanted that in a man. I then decided at 20 that waiting to have sex until marriage was best practice for me. Being how emotionally fragile I am and loyal to a fault. I am not going to run after a man and forget what my purpose is. I knew GOD had a plan for me from 10 years old although my environment was rough. I did not want anyone to get in the way of that. So I am 32 and still a virgin!

Struggling through all of my history, I had to find peace. My soul craved it! So I would run to the church. I learned a lot by going to church. I LOVE church and it's fellowship is what GOD designed it for. I had to build a bridge between the streets from which I came and church where I am in the present. I did not want to knock anyone because I know what it is like to come from a emotionally empty childhood. It's easy to give in and to give up!

One day I went to a pinic with my sister in Christ from church. I was 23 and heavy into the word. I just started having a personal relationship with GOD. My sister in Christ told me of her cousin who is a prophet. Instantly I wanted to talk to him. I LOVE to hear a word from GOD. I LOVE things that are not seen but felt. So I walked up to the brotha and the first thing he said is stay sweet. Do not change. He spoke to many issues, but one stood out. He said, "do you have a boyfriend?" I said "no". He then said "Do not date. GOD said you are better single because he can use your life. In a relationship you would give everything to that man and forget about GOD." I did not get upset like, what? Be single. I had peace right away! I knew that my life was set apart. So GOD can use my life, my story to be a help to others. For me to live for GOD fatithfully and fully until my husband arrives.

My story is about being lost and found. Confused and then recieving clarity. Know what your purpose is. Why is GOD taking you through what he is? I would not change my oast because it has made me who I am. I praise GOD for my mother and father. And a special place forever for my grandparents. My childhood was tough, but you would never tell by my grace. Allow your story to heal you. Tell your story!

Making A Difference In Our Own Lives!

How much do you give to yourself? Honestly? How much time and energy do you put into, say getting dressed in the morning? How much time do you put into creating something for you to eat at home? The truth is even when we know that taking time for ourselves is important, we simply don't do it! Yep, we get up and think about what to do at work, what a friend or family member needs. We cram our schedules with charity work or events and by the end of the day we are wore out!

In this season of my life I am focused on a few things. My first concern is my money. I will have my car paid off next year! Praise Jehovah!!! That will give me extra money and lots of breathing room. I am getting my passport ready now:) I do not want to just save my money, but to be able to do things I always wanted to do but could not afford it. Saving and investments is my main focus for 2010 and beyond!

The second thing is my health. I have been chunky my whole life. I wrote about that before. Healing is still a everyday task. To say I feel good about myself is one thing. To believe it is another. With so many images with women who look nothing like me, it is challenging to feel good about who I am. I constantly work on my image issues. I have learned that the best way to work on my image issues is accept what I can't control and to have the courage to work on what I can. So losing up to 50lbs is my goal. Sense the last time I blogged about wanting to loose weight I have lost 16lbs!!! The last month has been tough so I gained 4lbs. This week I am back on my grind. GOD knows this is the toughest thing I have had to do. My health is what is most important to me, not just my weight. Our self image is apart of our health. If we do not have a healthy view of who we are, we will never get the weight off and keep it off. It is deeper than self LOVE, it is acceptance. I am who I am. But I know that I am not happy with how I look and I am working on it! Low self esteem no more!

My third goal is working toward my certification. I currently work for Head Start. I LOVE what Head Start does for children and families. As a teacher I am over worked and under paid. The school is year round and I feel I never get a mental break. Putting myself first, I am working toward a better place not just financially but mentally and spiritually as well. I want to be a certified teacher so I can work in the public school. My goal was to work in the public school when I went to college. Due to not passing the Praxis on the first try I decided to work for Head Start. I have gotten a great advantage or Head Start (pun intended) while working for Head Start right out of college. I have great classroom experience and now I need the certification. In the next few weeks I will get a transcript evaluation and go from there. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go forward on my journey. Thank you!

Lastly, Rest is so important. Still, we often over look how important rest is when it comes to good health. Doctors have proven that people who get plenty of rest are less like for health issues. Yet, we stay up late and wake up early everyday as we are off to work. My vow is to get in bed by 10:30pm every night. Right now I am more like 12 ish and finally fall asleep about 1am! I know I am not alone. I wake up at 7:30 am. It never fails I go to bed around 12am and wake up around 7:45 ish rushing to head out the door. Not very healthy I know.

Today I am making a difference in my own life! I will take better care of myself. I ask that you vow to do the same. What have you been putting off this year? Want to start that new business? Vacation overseas? Go for it! Put your self first! Neglect is damaging to the soul. We tell ourselves that someones life takes value over our own. That is not true! You matter. You are important. When we begin to make a difference in our own life, unconsciously we are making a difference in others.

Is It Really Acceptable To Be Different?

It is a natural instinct to want to fit in. Human desire is to feel accepted and LOVED unconditionally. The constant need of approval gets the best of us. At times that desire comes at a high cost. We ignore what our soul desires, and allow fear to lead us. Because of fear of rejection we give in, we give up, we find ourselves living for everyone else except ourselves. Really it is understandable, who wants to feel rejection? Not me! Even though I know the truth is we are not rejected when we accpet ourselves. But I am human. So at times it feels easier to swallow our pride and be like everyone else.

Being different is what most people say is an admirable trait for someone to have. You know, being yourself is what will make people like you in the end. But so many people do not support individuals who have the courage to stand out and be different. Look at our society for example. If you are gay, a minority (race or gender)or a different religion you have to constantly prove that you are still great inspite of your differences. Why is it so tough for some of us to support someone whose life isn't what would work for us? Is it fear? Control issues? In order to bring healing to our world we have to deal with these very areas that divide us. Being open to everyone differences takes growth. For me personally it is a Christ-like quality.

Deciding to be a virgin in 2010 is looked down on. When I let someone know that I am waiting for marriage I get so many crazy questions and understandably so. I am different. I get flooded with questions like, why would you wait? It's 2010, things are so different now than they were back in the Bible days. Would if he(husband) is not good in bed? Or my favorite, are you sure you can wait until marriage? I answer all of the questions honestly, and sincere. But deep down inside I feel like it is sad that I am looked down upon because I had the courage to stand up for what I believe in!

LOVE means acceptance. Accepting others for who they are and not what we want them to be. Acceptance is what we yearn for at the core of our beings. That's OK. Watching MTV last night I was brought to tears watching a show called "If You Knew Me". Everyone at this Highschool from staff to students said things about themselves that no one knew. Imagine the fear that ran through them as they spoke their personal truths. As they told their story. What touched me the most was when a young boy at 16 spoke about being gay and his parents said that he will go to hell. All of the young people around him cried and showed support. Probably the most support he has ever had his whole life! In that moment being different was OK. He was himself, he was free!

Really, we are not as different as our ego wants us to believe. Yes, we are individuals with our own stories and past. But we all want to know that inspite of who we are their is someone who will say it's OK. It's OK to be you. Unique and whole. As your are. Special in GOD eyes and mine. How did that make you feel reading that? The next time you feel like your not LOVED, remember the best way to get LOVE is to show it to someone else!

Wait Or Not To Wait, That Is The Question?!

Abstinence is something that I am passionate about. The debate on whether to wait or not wait for sex has divided many people. You either have the safe sex folks or the good old fashion Christians who preach purity rings and such. The balance between the two is often left out. Why don't we teach sexuality and not just abstinence? Would if self awareness and LOVE was taught and not, well just safe sex? If someone is going to wait to have sex they ought to know why, just like the person who chooses to have pre-martial sex. The real issues is not the sex, but the conditions in which we are having sex. Often times than not young girls do not even enjoy sex. Women do not even learn their bodies til much later because they are not being taught. My question is if we are not enjoying sex, why are we having it? If we are honest, people who had sex at young ages did not even know what they were doing. So sex seems to be done out of fear of being judged and left out. Funny because that is exactly why many young people choose to not have sex as well.

So, wait to have sex? At 19 I asked myself that very question. I decided that I would wait until I fell in LOVE with a man and he would be my first. Interestingly enough 13 years later I have yet to fall in LOVE. Yep, I am a 32 year old virgin. GOD had the final say. My purpose was and still is to live for him and wait to have sex until marriage. My mission and purpose is to help people to rethink Christianity, being a virgin, sexuality, to promote healing, well being and emotional strength. Until my death that is what I am here to do.

Embracing my calling as you can imagine was no easy task. At one point I was self righteous. I had to humble myself because no one wanted to be around me. I was holier than thou. Always wanting to be right. Playing GOD instead of living through him. I had a lot to learn.

See I did not miss sex at first. The reason was I was disconnected from my body. That's right. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally dead. No vision, no purpose. But I did not know! My ego lead me to believe I knew everything. I then realized what looked right for someone else may not look the same for me. That's OK. When I opened my eyes to what GOD wanted me to be, which was more compassionate, understanding and supportive to my brothers and sisters I asked GOD to forgive me. I was ready to start my journey. This time I was ready.

Jesus is what my friends affectionately call me. Everyone close to me knows how serious I am about the Lord. See I stopped going around preaching what to do, I began to live it! I believe our lives is our biggest ministry. So I use it wisely. With that said, I am not perfect or strive to be. I am a sexual being, made in the image of Christ. I was created for my husband and him for me. My desire and longing for him was from birth. Trying to repress sex is not healthy. I did not always know this.

In order to be a virgin it has been taught to cut off any sexual desires. So that is what I did for years. This is the opposite extreme of having sex with multiple men. Neither is healthy. Having multiple partners before marriage to me is emotional suicide. Having different men entering inside of me, releasing and then saying goodbye? How do I cut off my emotions? How do I not feel bad for wanting him to stay with me? I don't know? That's why I am a virgin. Yes, I can disconnect with the best of them, that is not healthy either. Waiting for marriage is putting what's best before what's good at the time. It's saying I want to have a partner to give himself to me and me only for the rest of our lives.

I know you maybe thinking, how do you know if someone is great in bed or not if you do not have sex? Here is how. Kissing. Yes, a man can tell you a lot by how he kisses, honey. Fast or slow. Tongue or no tongue. Even the way he holds you will let you know if he is gentle. Intimacy can be massages with oil, feeding each other dinner, long walks and good conversation. You do not have to have sex with a man to know if he is good in bed. I know most people disagree, but how many people had a feeling that someone was not going to be good in bed before having sex with them? Then deciding to have sex and was disappointed and wished you would had followed their heart?

What about the car test theory? You know the one where everyone says you have to test drive your car before you buy it? I don't know about you but I don't have to test drive a C Class 2010 Benz(sedan to be exact) to know I want to take it home with me! Driving the car would make me want it more even if I can't afford it! Lusting for the car I test drive it, take it home and then I am emotionally drained by the high car payments.

My point is you don't have to "test drive" to know if you would like having sex or not. It is called chemistry! If two people have great chemistry then they can work TOGETHER on what does not work. Chemistry means both have the same values, sexual taste, music etc. in common. This will let you know if you are not compatible than test driving would just be another emotionally draining experience.

Being a virgin is and will always be a difficult choice. I will not say it is easy. So I gain strength by having a better relationship with myself and GOD. I began to study for myself. I learned that masturbation is not forbidden in the Bible at all. Yes, I know. So I began to masturbate. I needed an outlet sexually. After connecting to GOD I no longer felt guilty. I finally owned my body and know what I like and don't like. What touches are good and bad. I practice tantra yoga, which helps me to channel my sexual energies. I also explore through sex toys and different healthy ways to channel my sexuality. My theory is if you stay ready you don't have to get ready. I do not want a man who is not comfortable with his sexuality so why would I be? Being comfortable with our sexuality is a birth right! My sexual desires for my husband was put inside of me on purpose. Those are signs that I am not meant to be alone. I do need a man and he also needs me.

Born again virgin? Never had sex? Waiting for marriage? Having sex when you fall in LOVE? Having sex when you want to? Sex is an important part of our everyday life. Deciding what is best for you is personal. It is not my place to judge. As adults we have to know why we choose to have sex. We can not have the emotional maturity of a teenager and not know who we are or what we are doing! If you want to wait to have sex do it! Have the courage to live the life that you know GOD has called for you. As a friend told me, when you live for Jesus everything will go your way!!

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

When I read a great blog the other day the writer mentioned that he does not think most women are funny. He said it is a man trait. My first thought was he is sexist! Really. How is a man consider funnier just because, well he is a man? After getting past my initial hang up, I begin to agree. Yes, I know before I offend my sister friends let me explain.

After much consideration of me going back and forth with the idea that I am not funny, I finally decided that I am not. I do not think it is because I am a female. But because funny is not my gift. The same can be said about a man. Just because he has a penis does not automatically get him the funny card. There are men that are not funny as well. That is not a bad thing. It's just there personality.

My theory is this: it is not fair to expect someone to be who they are not. It would not be a true assessment to think everyone is funny because being funny is a gift. Yes, we all may have a sense of humor and say funny things at times. But being funny is a personality trait. Like being kind is.

How many times have you heard someone describe themselves as kind? Then you hang around them long enough to see that they are not as "kind" as they say they are. Well because most people do not take time to know who they are.

We have to do an honest evaluation and say to ourselves, you know what I am "kind" at times but would I say this is my strength or something I need to work on? Or is it something I feel I need to work on at all? Does everyone need to be kind ALL the time? I say no. If it does not feel natural to you, than do you! Respect others and understand that how you treat others will effect you in the long run.

I use my sister for an example often because she is my bestie. Have I mentioned she is my twin sis? Yes, and we are like night and day!! My sister is friendly, funny, free spirit, charismatic, outspoken. Me, I am a sweetheart, great sense of humor, free spirit, reserved, quiet, charming and charismatic.

Notice I said great sense of humor vs. funny? Also I said sweetheart vs. friendly. Yes, there is a difference. I laugh at everything. If you trip I will laugh before I ask are you OK. I will laugh at an off beat comment made by one of my students. I am not usually the one telling the jokes, I am laughing at them. Now my sister is funny. Stand up comedian funny. When she is around people she has them cracking up. They all say "your sister is so crazy". Think Adele Givens Def Comedy Jam or Queens of comedy. As for me, I am chillin in the crowd talking to everyone and laughing at my sisters stories and jokes. My sister and I have a ongoing joke when I spoke to her about my revelation. I said I am not funny but have funny times. She said you just said something funny. I give up! But really I can't take my show on the rode. She honestly can!

My sister was going to her nail tech for about a year before I started going to them years ago. My sister was so friendly, laughed and joked with everyone and my sister said they would tell her she was "so nice". When I went for the first time to the nail shop I listened to everyone in the nail shop stories from the nail techs to the customers about their lives. Instead of being the one actually telling the story. I hugged and kissed everyone on the way out and said thank you for the great job. My sister said they could not stop talking about me. How much they LOVED me and how I am the sweet one. My sister is friendly, but sweet she is not.

Is she a bad person? NO! Because she is being who GOD has called her to be. Herself! Am I saying she is not sweet at times, no! I am not the angel either. I have my moments when I don't feel like being bothered and I have learned to say no! I know who I am now and do not need to do extra stuff to get people to like me.

My point is that we all have our gifts. My pastor told me "If you do not use your gifts GOD will take them away". I believe that. Embrace your natural gifts so you can be a blessing to someone else. Sure everyone wants to be funny. But if it is not your gift than own up to it!! Find your strength and sore!

Freedom To Learn/Fine Motor

In my classroom I am known for being fun and serious. Sometimes more of the latter. I had to learn that children do not have to do boring "tough" work in order to learn. I challenged myself to look at teaching from the perspective of a child. That child would be me. I thought about as a little girl what type of leaner was I? I was a visual learner. So I would want a hands on learning experience. That is what I have learned to give my students. A fun and new way to learn. The curriculum my school uses is called Creative Curriculum. The Curriculum mission is for intentional, meaningful opportunities for the students to learn. I have pics of examples of my students using fine motor skills such as writing their phone numbers, coloring, building Lego's,etc. as a creative ways to learn.








Okay so this one is mine. I had to have fun too:)

New York City pt2

New York City

My favorite place on earth is New York City. Yes. New York, I LOVE it. If you have not been, make plans to go. New Yorkers get such a bad rep. I think they are charming folks who live in a high pace society so they are just a product of that. I remember as a little girl and meeting people who were interested in me because I said I was from Oklahoma. And I blushed when the men said they LOVE southern women. Oww!

My sister and I planned our trip back in April. There is a bus company called mega bus and they sell tickets as cheap as a dollar! That's right, a dollar! So it was a no brainer to ride the bus oppose to flying for Memorial Day weekend.


As soon as we arrived in New York I wanted to get me either some good Chinese food, or Italian. We ended up getting Italian food. YUM!

Our first stop was Time Square. We had street artist to make us pictures from scratch. My sister got make up done and it was fab! There were sailors walking up and down the street. Fine ones too!! The funniest part was meeting cookie monster and seeing Dora. The protesters were serious!


We then went to Central Park for the first time. BEAUTIFUL. The park just had a spiritual feel to it. I felt connected to GOD. I got me a hot dog and strolled the park. The most amazing view was looking over the Hudson river to New Jersey.





My sister and I are street bball fans. We LOVE going to the hood and finding a basketball court full of man. And guess what? We did just that. Enjoyed watching the guys put on their best show for us:) After chillin for an hour we left to get ready for the night.

My sisters friend told her he was djing in lower Manhattan. We had a hotel in upper Manhattan so we had to go to the other side of town. This is when we realized how big Manhattan is.




Before hitting the club we went back to Time square to see the City up close at night time. Breath taking! Cabs everywhere, people taking pics with sailors, bands playing live instruments in the streets and this is a normal thing! The funny part was seeing a lady selling Obama condoms. Really lady? My sister and I met some sailors who were kind enough to take pics with us. Fun times.


As I was getting dressed I bust open my adorable dress I bought from ASOS.COM. I pulled it together literally. Every five minutes pulling up my dress. But that did not keep me from having fun. Well it limit me on the dance floor a little bit. All I kept think was all of my breast was going to be out and I was going to look crazy! So I chilled in my little corner in VIP. But when my song came on I had to dance a minute. I had so much fun.


I did not want the evening to end. I met some great people and tons of memories I will never forget. Thank you New York! My LOVER *Carrie voice*

Martha Beck

The rules tell you to scheme, flatter, and play hard to get, but our favorite life coach doesn’t think that will get you very far. It’s time to rethink the dating game.


Develop a strong sense of self before seeking a relationship.

Day after day, as I hear single women bemoan the lack of available men, I wish ethics allowed me to set them up with my wonderful male clients who are searching, with equal frustration, for the right woman. Instead, I end up simply witnessing singles of both sexes failing to find each other.

I believe this failure has much to do with the model of love seeking most popular in our culture: the idea of romantic pursuit as a type of predation, a hunting expedition the goal of which is capture.

In my experience, the way of thinking that leads to successful relationships is altogether different. It’s focused on the idea that the way to find love is to become so much yourself that you find others of your own kind, with whom you can share freedom.
The book of love?

The predator model of love leads to a hunter’s way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this “statistical mass” logic.

I’ve seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It’s a soul search.

The other rules for seeking your soul {and its mate}
I would encourage anyone who wants to find a soul mate to follow these three steps.



1. Know thyself

Women who are willing to hide or detach from their real selves in order to bag a man often seem to believe that the right guy will give them a sense of identity and self confidence. This is backward. Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you’ve never seen.
Next time you’re feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Visit a therapist. Embark on a voyage of self discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.



2. Value thyself

The single women I know are frequently advised, “Stop being so picky,” “Have a better attitude,” and “Lower your standards,” perhaps to the point where they’ll date anyone with a penis and a pulse.

I believe this is precisely the wrong approach. Why? Consider our statistical friend, the bell curve. The great bulge in the middle represents areas where you are, well, average. This is also the part of you that could easily be mixed and matched with the largest number of potential mates. The skinnier upper end represents your greatest gifts, the areas where you are most talented and extraordinary. The few people who share your most exceptional characteristics are your tribe, the population that is most likely to contain your heart’s partner.

I suggest that you should be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the “bad attitude” that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same way you are.
Be courteous to men who don’t appeal to you, but for God’s sake, don’t waste your evenings, let alone your nights, with them. “Oh,” conventional rule keepers might exclaim, “you’ll have to spend some nights alone!” Yes, indeed. Your pool of candidates is much smaller at the high quality end of the bell curve, your chances of having no date on Saturday much larger if you refuse to go out with men who bore or repulse you.
But if memory serves, the boredom and/or repulsion of bad dating is much worse than spending a few hours on your own.


3. Engage thyself

The authors of “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” emphasize that in order to get a guy, a woman should always act busy, for instance, when a desirable man calls, it’s wise to set a timer to go off a few minutes later, then recite a memorized exit line, such as “Sorry, gotta go. I have a million things to do.”

Here’s my crazy idea: How about actually having a million things to do? How about actually filling your life with interesting activities? If you want to attract a partner, identify what you love to do, and do it, a lot. Involved, busy people really are more attractive, so if you want to get engaged to your soul mate, start by being engaged in activities that fascinate you, especially those that have nothing to do with dating and that make you forget to go love hunting.